The Glory of Rome

I learned, as my Father and many others have, that while it is shaped into a very boring subject in school, reading about the non-curriculum approved portions of history is a fascinating and interesting adventure.


One summer I decided to read through my Chronicles books to review a chunk of the history of western civilization...

Mostly because I still don't know everything yet.

The chronicles books go through history by profiling the times and lives of individuals. The period I surveyed was covered by: the Pharaohs, the Roman Republic, the Roman Emperors, and the Popes.

A nearly quest quelling collapse occurred during the Emperor book

It looks serious, doesn't it?

As I read, upon completion of each section I would flip forward and back, through history so to speak, to check the timelines and see how each ruler fit into the grand scheme of things.

I tended to read them just before going to sleep, making me often tired and goofy (well, goofier) to begin with.

As I worked my way through the Emperors, I kept seeing a name later on in the book.

Pupienus

It doesn't matter how it should really be pronounced, because every time I read it, in my head I instantly heard Howard Morris from History of the World Part 1 announcing:

"All pay heed to The Emperor Poopyness!!"

Then I'd laugh for twenty minutes, be unable to continue reading.

This happened several nights in a row...

Read a little
Think about Emperor Poopyness
Laugh for twenty minutes.

I was anticipating never completing my planned self-education at that rate, forcing me to devise a plan to calm myself.

Each Emperor had vast lists of names, and I thought I could find a less humorous one to keep in my head. I scanned through his section searching for my salvation.

Reading through his impressive array of names and titles, my head was suddenly filled with the voices of throngs of Romans.

"ALL HAIL POOPYNESS MAXIMUS!!!"

Then I laughed for forty minutes.

After what may have well been decades of this stick-slip form of reading, I finally reached his section.

Fortunately his reign took place during the "Year of Six Emperors" when the Praetorian Guard was whacking a ruler every couple of weeks.

(Actually that was really only fortunate for me...not so much Emperor Poopyness and his fellow whack-ees.)

His section was very short, and since I was reading in the afternoon, outside on a bright summer day, I managed to get through it with only a few uncontrolled snickers.

I was overwhelmed with joy that I could continue my serious pursuit of learning without being reduced to hysterics.

Anticipating expanding my knowledge base of these proud and respectable ancient people, I happily turned the page to the next section, which began:

"In contrast to the senatorial dignity of Pupienus..."


Then I fell off the hammock.