Thursday, December 6, 2012

Engineering Horoscopes

Back on our college radio show, one semester we did horoscopes each week.

Drawing upon that experience, here are astrological horoscopes for engineers:

ARES:                         Don't sign any protocols containing the words, "Who cares, that’s close enough."

TAURUS:                    You will move toward power soon. An open cubicle closer to the secretary will bear your name.

GEMINI:                      A problem time for lab equipment, don't operate anything more complex than a caliper.

CANCER:                   Your boss will have important information for you shortly.  However, even the stars can't predict who your boss will be at any given moment.
Good luck!

LEO:                            The next three  meetings you go to will be meaningless, the fourth will be vitally important, but not necessarily in that order.

VIRGO:                       Go out, get drunk, and raise a ruckus.

LIBRA:                        The answer to that technical issue that has been nagging you can be found on page six of this month's World of Archie comic.

SCORPIO:                  You need more personal space.  Move each cubicle wall out a foot and a half.

SAGITTARIUS:          You will be insulted by five directors at a presentation. Three are passing on grief from a Vice Presidential lashing they received.  Two have you pegged.

CAPRICORN:            All of your next group of samples will be built exactly twenty three seconds late.  This will delay the project two months.

AQUARIUS:               Avoid sticking your head in a destructive test fixture this week.

PISCES:                     Professional contacts are on the rise. You will meet Engineers at many other companies, who will marginally apologize as they throw your resume back in your face.

The Engineering Horoscopes are divined by throwing a Magic Eight Ball repeatedly at a OUIJA Board balanced atop a fortune telling scale until all show signs of damage.

No comments: