Bondlets: Octopussy

1983

Along with every other human being on the face of the earth who saw this film, my daughter thought the Acrostar was cool, but was puzzled by its emergence from an obviously artificial horse’s patoot.

“Tush watch” on the opening credits evolved into full blown “naked watch.” 

Maurice Binder- masterful cinematic artist or dirty old man? The jury is still out on that one. 

When Bond appeared in the credits, she was appreciative, “At least he has pants on.”

She also found the expanded gun barrelness during the song reminiscent of the Time Vortex.

That’s my girl.

009’s circus disguise definitely confused her, leading to the decision that a Martial Arts Clown was creepier than a regular one.  His demise at the hands of the knife hurling twins brought first an honest, and then a socially acceptable response.

“Dead Clown, WOO! 

…

I mean, poor guy.”

She now has full understanding of James Bond’s personality and totally called the gag where he gave most of Miss Monneypenny’s roses to her new and younger assistant Miss Penelope Smallbone.

Similarly, she called the switch with the Faberge egg, but found the art expert, “too dull for a James Bond film.”

After seeing so many, I’ve come to expect some of her reactions:

Greatly enjoying the insane and entertaining car chase through the streets of India and stating, “It’s funny because he’s a tennis player,” during the crowd looking back and forth while Vijay beat the henchmen senseless with his racquet.

Executing a prolonged double take following Moore’s Tarzan yell.

Being grossed out by eyeball soup. (Eon productions beat Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom to a nasty Indian food scene by almost a full year.)

Pointing out how awesome it was that the production company really went to film in the various locations.  (And agreeing with my reply of “That’s why they do it.”)

Accepting chasing down an airplane on horseback (coming at the crescendo of the final forty-five minutes of non-stop, edge of the seat combat and chase scene action) is perfectly logical, “Of course he can do that. He’s James Bond.”

And, naturally, joining the legion of Bond fans in making fun of Louis Jordan’s pronunciation of “Octopussy.”

Yet there are still observations that completely and utterly take me off guard.

She recognized the lethal Blue Ringed octopus and immediately called it by name upon seeing two time Bond Girl Maud Adams’s tattoo.

Dang!

She decided “Gobinda” was too hard to say, and referred to him as “Johnson” for most of the film…

Or “turd.”

This probably explains the large amount of laughing and cheering when Bond’s improvised antenna trick sent him plummeting.

While she’s sometimes inquisitive about the various foreign clothing and cosmetic fashions in these movies, she was adamant that Magda should have worn bangs, because of her, “giant forehead,” to the point that it distracted her from the plot.

Some quick observations from me to finish up:

It’s a shame that General Orlov was the behind the scenes beta villain.  Because of that, his over the top portrayal of hammy evil had to be restrained somewhat.  Since there was already some resemblance between him and Frank Gorshin, if he tweaked the performance a little more we could have seen Mr. Bond face off against a fully cackling, Riddler like maniac.

Q out awesomes himself in this one, and not only with the insanely impractical crocodile submarine and rescue by patriotic hot air balloon.  Our favorite gadgeteer invents the Apple Watch a full 382 months prior to the actual release date.

He must have also invented a “clown transformation pill,” because that’s the only explanation of how quickly Roger Moore goes from his knife thrower disguise to being in full baggy pants costume and makeup.

I’ll let that go because of the story’s inclusion of the finest use of circus skills in battle this side of The Barbarians.

One final note, to those noticing or believing that the pastime of viewing these movies is strictly a father/ daughter adventure.

Despite my wife telling us to start without her, and spending much of the run time appearing to read the paper, when Gobinda (or Johnson, as it were) appeared out of nowhere to knock 007 out cold, she cried out and jumped clean up in the air in a flurry of the Sunday Star Ledger.


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