Transformers Rewatch Original Season 1A

Important note- Before I start making fun of these... 

Because they deserve it, a great deal. 

Know that as soon as the full rewatch is completed, I plan on watching them again, so I can fully focus on enjoying them without having to worry about taking notes.

More than Meets the Eye 1-3

In this pilot story Optimus Prime sounds even more like John Wayne than anywhere else, to the point of it being distracting. Glad Peter Cullen toned it down a bit. The opener on Cybertron with all the spacey looking alternate versions is the coolest bit of this introduction. We don’t get more Cybertron LORE for quite a while.
Wheeljack being a space mini-van was kind of weird, since he’s an Italian race car on Earth, and most of them had a fairly close alternate shape. Then again, the plot demands what it demands.

Soundwave turns into what looks a lot like a streetlamp or a telephone pole. He got a massive upgrade in stealth on Earth. I am now picturing a telephone pole tip toeing slowly nearer to listen to the Autobots. Also, why did the cassettes go inside him before they were cassettes? Thus begins my thinking too much about this franchise.  

They establish, immediately, that we’re going to ignore size consistency both as it affects mass in Transformation and just for group shots standing around. Nice that they get it out of the way so quickly.
Another thing quickly established is the time scale of this franchise. The Autobots and Decepticons that crashed on Earth lay dormant for FOUR MILLION YEARS and none of them really show concern about that length.
The first and main human companions show up. Sparkplug seems to have experience in every version of manual labor (oil rig operation, construction, mining, auto mechanics, welding, etc.) I guess since Autobots don’t have children, issues surrounding constantly endangering his fourteen-year-old son Spike never occurs to them as a bad thing.
(Note- fourteen is his official age, which I had to look up, and was my age when these came out. However, “twelve” sounds funnier, therefore I will often refer to him as that age. So there.)

They do mention Autobots aren’t built for battle like Decepticons very early on. This is kind of odd, since they act the most like a military unit in this story, with Jazz (Porsche) setting up the orders like a sergeant would before Optimus gives the final “Roll out” command. (“Transform” as a prelude would come later.)
The Iconic laser axe of Optimus Prime shows up for the only time in the series here, but then gets referenced CONSTANTLY in other media.
The less iconic laser flail of Megatron, which spins like a toy pinwheel when he flies shows up for the only time in the series here, then mercifully gets forgotten.
Starscream makes it an entire episode and a half before trying to usurp Megatron’s leadership and getting blasted for his trouble for the first of what will be many many many times.

Hey! The Autobots can fly… also only for about an episode and a half, then they can’t for the rest of the series. (mostly)
Speaking of rare happenings, we get one of only a pittance of appearances of “Roller” the R2-D2 like six wheeled ATV that lives in Optimus’s trailer. Where it and he vanish to and how they mysteriously reappear whenever Prime transforms remains an exercise for the viewer.
This episode does reveal why the Decepticons have control of Cybertron when we first meet the factions…
Likely due to them not being “built for battle” the Autobots are ineffective morons here (and honestly much of the season), screwing up at every possible level of strategy and tactics. Fortunately, they get better… eventually… a bit.
 
 

Transport to Oblivion

Four million years after everyone left Cybertron, and Shockwave (GIANT purple pistol) still makes regular calls to see if his boss is all right. Say what you want about Megatron, his troops are loyal.

It is hilarious in these early stories how often they throw out each other’s names to help us learn them.
This is as good a point as any to state that - with all the recent redesigns, I forgot original Optimus prime has a little baseball cap brim on his helmet.
Autobot combat skills are still fairly embarrassing. Cliffjumper (red VW Beetle) mistakes a rock for a Decepticon. He’s not alone, though. Similarly sized Bumblebee (Yellow VW Beetle, duh) forgets he can transform at one point.
Not that the Decepticons are tactical geniuses either. After a short battle where the Autobots blow a whole bunch of boulders to absolute particles with missed shots, the bad guys try sealing them in a cave with a rock slide.
 
 

Roll for It

The first appearance of Chip in his wheelchair, being some staggeringly good representation for the mid Eighties. He is also the first person we see not in uniform (police and military) or dressed like Sparkplug and Spike (boots, jeans, open button shirts over under shirts and a hard hat). Mr. Witwicky’s outfit is apparently the uniform of every manually working person.
Reflector is featured heavily in these early stories. The three Decepticons with one personality who transform into a single tiny camera are a real highlight of how Hasbro threw together several Japanese toy lines and told the writers- “Have at it!”
Cliffjumper continues to lead the “useless in battle” Autobot squad. He regularly charges into an attack, unarmed, against Decepticons twice his size, then gets flattened. He is far from alone, however. His larger and presumably more seasoned Autobot brethren are a disaster as well. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe (Lamborghinis) fail miserably to have any effect after leaping on two flying Seekers. Meanwhile Prowl (Army Jeep) and Blue Streak (Datsun 280ZX) lose almost immediately during a fight inside a building they and the Decepticons have miraculously fit into. Their failure leads to Chip to answering Prowl’s  “I broke my battle computer” distress call, take over the “Autobot Military Strategist” and proceed to kick Decepticon tail in a manner we have not seen before. Perhaps this is why the Autobots decide to risk two teenage boy’s lives by sending Chip and Spike to attach small “take over the robot” stick-ons onto some Decepticons in the middle of an enormous fire fight. This is the first evidence of how easy mind control is in the franchise.

 
 

Divide and Conquer

Chip (again, also fourteen) is enhancing a company’s overall production. The fact that he is insanely smart is shown frequently, but never really remarked upon.
Optimus Prime commands, “Transform... And meet me there.” Oh, so close.
Ah, we’re bringing Spike into combat again. That’s going to happen a lot, and I’m going to keep pointing it out.
And Prime takes significant damage saving others. Again.
Hey, I didn’t Realize Optimus died this early. (And it turns out, often.)
Ooh, they need a “Cosmitron” to fix him, and only Chip can get into the locked lab on Cybertron. Kids' show rules, I guess. One would think Wheeljack could open the lock on Cybertron since…
ITS HIS LAB!
Then again, Chip gets more out of Teletran-One than any of the Autobots as well. It’s fine, Bumblebee will take him. Considering how often he keeps the kids from dying on this show, it’s fitting he gets upgraded to the great warrior he is in the “live action” movies.
Boy, in these early episodes both groups have a huge and crazy different collections of rays they shoot.
Any day on Cybertron is a good day. For the viewers I mean. It turns out Cybertron has actual, “acid” rain. Good thing that doesn’t hurt people for, um, reasons.
Huffer (small semi truck) in despair during a Decepticon attack, “We're doomed! Without Optimus Prime we’re no match for the Decepticons!”
I mean. He’s right.
Oh wait, Spike rallies the troops by running out wielding a handgun bigger than his entire body while preaching- "We can’t go down without trying. Prime would want us to go for it, no matter what the odds. Well, are you with me or do I fight this battle alone?" 

No wonder they bring him along everywhere. As they say on Cybertron, the kid has huge brass bearings.

 
 

Fire in the Sky

There’s a major snowstorm in July. Only Optimus notices this might be a problem. That’s why he’s in charge.
Dang, Reflector is everywhere in these early ones. Because it’s easy to have several of him (them?) in shot with no explanation, I guess.

Based on how many of their plans involve blowing up the planet they are standing on, it looks like the Decepticons are also morons, but more efficiently destructive morons.
Optimus- “TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT.” WOO HOO!!!!
Here’s Jetfire, the Gundam fighter jet copyright problematic bot. He’ll get a name change and pop up occasionally, but it will never stick.
A hint is dropped about just how long these morons have been fighting each other. They reference Nine Million years ago, just before the Autobot and Decepticon split, that means the war went on for Five Million years BEFORE the Ark launched and kept going for Four Million more while the main characters were off line. That didn’t really sink in as a kid. You’d think living for that many millennia would make them smarter.
Hey, we’re going to fight giant killer robots in the inhospitable arctic, let’s bring this grease monkey and his kid. At least they didn’t drag Chip into it this time.
We learn before the war Starscream was a scientist. That explains SO MUCH about him.
Hey! Cliffjumper actually did something useful in a fight…and then got taken out by a Cassette. 

Y’know Hound’s holograms would’ve helped a bunch in later stories when they forget about them almost all the time. 

Woo! Roller is back! With lasers!
Ooh, but we lose Jetfire again. Whoah, that was bleak.

Click to Continue

Click here for the Transformers Index