X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) Through a Kid’s Eyes

As we all know, this one is kind of a mess. 

I thought my initial opinion came from having the flu when it was released, but later healthy viewings makes me think the production crew had the flu and I was fine.

My daughter’s overall views were in line with just about every human being who sat through it:

“Hugh Jackman was good…

and…

not much else.”

Hugh doesn’t even hold it in that high of a regard, hoping the next film can discount this outing and be, The Wolverine 2.

I think she was more impressed than I was that she remembered Victor is Sabertooth’s first name.  The whole “brother in the movie but not in the comics” was a little confusing, however. She did remark that Wolverine seemed far more mature than his older brother…and that he, “definitely doesn’t look like a Jimmy.”

She also found his bone claws to be disturbing, “all gnarled and bleah.”

Until they popped through the boxing glove in the Blob scene, then they were, “So awesome.” Go figure.

Once more his “Wolverine unleashed” scenes were a wonder to behold.  The two sides of the family manifested in our child again as she stated appreciatively, “Lord he's violent!”

Yet less appreciatively, “And he needs to fix his hair.”

That other side of the family would also be why when the call to action was issued in this film…and really anywhere, “Let’s do this!” she replies with, “The power of The Home Depot.”

It’s a shame the movie came out as flawed as it did, since the cast was excellent and all showed how much better things could have turned out if they were allowed to run in the right direction.

The military team Jimmy and Victor were on suffers from severe Predator syndrome.  That is, we see this awesome band of warriors work together only briefly, before systematically losing them all.  Having the film focus on them and lead up to their break up would have been much better for everyone involved.

My daughter enjoys the Wild Things with Dominic Monaghan series, where he travels to exotic locales to find rare dangerous creatures and poke them with sticks. She also enjoys Lord of the Rings but would never admit it while I’m in ear shot.  She found Dom as a technopath to be worthy of many “Whoah!” moments, and yelled for him to, “run Run RUN!” when Victor showed up at his trailer.

There were many other “Whoahs” for the other mutants, both starring and cameos.

Cyclops ripping a school in half. (Pretty much any kid’s reaction.)

Will I. Am’s teleporting. (But she’d prefer Nightcrawler…that’s my girl!)

Emma turning into diamond. (And I quote, “That would be AWESOME!”)

Fred’s tank busting young days. (And big laughs in his Blob days)

Gambit’s appearance, plus a big smile. (Thank you 90’s cartoon.)

When he appeared to die, her reaction was measured, controlled and mature:

“Oh Fart Nuggets.”

Fortunately, he was OK, “Oh, I take it back…YAY!”

The biggest “WHOAH!”s were, of course, reserved for the brief yet amazing bits with Ryan Reynolds as Wade, before they damaged Deadpool almost irreparably.

It’s a staggering display of how clueless studios can be when everyone in the universe, from comic fans, to film viewers, and the actor himself, could see what a perfect choice they had made for the role, and then blew it so spectacularly.  Good thing Ryan and company got a shot at redemption.

Available at a video store near you!!!! 

…or it would be, if there were still video stores.

In other news, I’m still old.

She had another subdued reaction to Wade’s transformation:

“Sweet sister of guacamole!”

Quickly followed - when she realized his mouth was sewed shut - by,

“That’s just sad.”

And she fully expected his shushing severed head to give her nightmares.

Lynn Collins was another actor who should have been in a better film. She brought a great deal of emotional strength to her scenes, but they were all kind of disjointed and poorly planned out. Seeing her and Taylor Kitsch as Gambit made me want to give up on this one and put in John Carter instead.

Kayla inhabited one of many areas that allowed my daughter to show how well acquainted with the systems and expectations of these films she’s become.

She spotted Ms. Silverfox’s mind control abilities immediately.  Greater insight was demonstrated when Kayla made up presented the legend of the howling wolf wolverine.

“Once you leave the spirit world you can never go back.”

Every subsequent appearance was marked with my daughter proclaiming, “She’s gonna die.”

Until finally (or actually, twice-ally)

“Did I not tell you she was gonna die.”

Wolverine running about naked is also becoming expected.

She was able to overcome the “coolness” of the X slash on the door just after his adamantium infusion to inquire, “He’s naked…and he just jumped in a waterfall. Shouldn’t he sink?”

She did comprehend that a little old lady saying, “I think there's a naked man in the barn,” is universally funny.

She also was able to recognize the use of iconic items in prequel origin stories, or in simpler terms:

“OOOOH!  The jacket!”

And also the use of iconic scenes of the Action Genre:

“OOOOH!  He’s doing the slow walk away from an explosion!”

Though she was upset at others usage, Jackman’s profanity allowance continued.  Using the “s” word before leaping out of a plane without a chute to skip on the water was judged appropriate:

“Well that one makes sense.”

Fortunately, even as she learns the ins and outs of the action and superhero film worlds, my presence can still be highly educational.

When the, named as a nod to us comic geeks, James Hudson greets the “naked man in the barn” with “Son... What in hell are you doing?”

My daughter huffily proclaimed, “Even the old man swears!”

My response surely gave her a better understanding of society as a whole:

“Yup, better than anyone.”

IndeX-Men