A Young Construction Worker Eating a Sandwich at Midnight in Times Square, New Year’s Eve

Although he lived in New York his entire life, Ted had never intentionally seen the ball drop in Times Square on New Year’s Eve.  He did witness it on television many times against his will.  He had no use for parties or crowds, but there was almost always someone around who would insist he switch off the marathon of his favorite show to watch the meaningless descent designed to reinforce people’s belief that time should be macroscopically perceived as quantized rather than continuous.  Now, as the final minutes of the 2011 ticked by, Ted was on a roof above the reveler filled square, but this time there was no way he could observe the newly constructed, record breaking size, giant deluxe ball, for he was inside it. He knew that the crowd didn’t realize what a historic drop they were witnessing, but most of their minds were overtasked by trying to wave at the cameras, figure out how to see through the “2012” shaped glasses, and get drunk all at the same time.

Christmas Villiage: 2011

“Christmas Screams are Music to my Ears”

OR

“Among the Holidays, There is no Room for the Weak”

Additions: Not enough to generate a new story line. Only one stinkin’ new figure, plus this year’s HESS truck wasn’t usable.  I wanted to take a year off, re-do an old set up, post the old village stories, and get caught up on other writing ideas. 

But Noooooooooooo!  Jason had to see me in the hallway and say, “I can’t wait to see this year’s battle!”  Insane hobbies can be a burden, sometimes. At least a closet avalanche exposed them from behind my mess allowing my wife to find the bag of stands this year. (Thanks Honey!) 

Christmas Villiage: 2010

Duke the Halls

Or

Cobra-La La Laaa- La La La La !

Additions: No, I didn’t buy the limited edition Golobulus figure, as even Larry Hama thought that whole storyline was too silly for a laser gun, weather dominator, and ninja filled military comic book.  But a new Hess Truck DOUBLED the size of the G. I. Joe Air Support Force!

Therefore, it is that time of year again for the fourth (mostly) annual return of the little violence filled Christmas village.

Christmas Villiage: 2009

Warring in a Winter Wonderland

Or

Remember, Snowing … Is Half the Battle

Additions: A couple of figures, Lincoln Logs replaced by an influx of Hess Trucks…and the exciting seasonal update of SNOW!

When this time of year rolls around, what drives me to set these up? 

Is it the creativity inherent in the season?

The chaos in the shopping centers? 

The excuse to display more action figures that there is normally not enough room to be displayed year round? (Thanx, Honey!)

We may never know.

 

Christmas Villiage: 2008

Joe Village Two: Cobra Boogaloo

Or

Of Course it’s Christmassy…There are Hess Trucks

Additions: Space, an end table, Real American Hero Figures, and Hess Trucks…a quantum leap in time wasting.

This Battle Village is a four faction, two tiered affair.  The Joes are mounting an assault on a secret Cobra bunker atop a hidden plateau during an attempted coup which could bring about a Cobra civil war…

Or maybe it’s just a big pile of plastic toys; your mileage may vary.

Disney’s the Muppets - Yes, it's Both

The Muppet Movie brought back the Muppet Show crew, with all their heart and humor.  For the most part new actors have retained the spirit of the characters and presented what’s been great about the Muppets for all these years.

Tha gang's all here, and they brought the funny.

However, as full of laughs and other emotions that this film was, I can’t call it a real “Muppet Movie”.

It was a Muppet tribute.

Christmas Villiage: 2004

A non-standard Christmas Letter

Or

Not your Daddy's Christmas Village

After several years of typical World War Two battles waged while patriotic and brave U.S. green plastic army men defended Santa Claus from Fascist oppressors, I upgraded. 

A personal note to other G.I. Joe fans: (The rest of you may talk among yourselves.)

This was done well before I discovered the awesomeness in a can of the Marvel G.I. Joe comic series and had to base everything on the lack luster Spy Troops line and my decrepit memories of the cartoon series.

Ok the rest of you can come back for the story now.

 (Of course there was a story; don't you people know me yet?) 

Denver Colorado, Summer 2011: Days Alone

“Not now, I’m playing a game”

Not as impressive as the real thing.

They continued to have fun in Denver for the week, visiting a mini golf and fun center a couple of times. They also stopped in at Tiny Town.  That’s either a miniature village, or a giant model railroad depending on which direction you look at it from.  Anabelle was very excited by the Dinosaur Hill section the train passes, since it had many models of parasaurolophus on it, her favorite dinosaur. (Doesn’t everybody have one?) We didn’t see much on them at the other dino-sites. Apparently they aren’t one of the breeds sticking out of the freakin’ ground in that area.  Rosa was, of course, very excited by the Home Depot.  One of the little buildings was a “Stanley” company. Nice to know they were still being looked after.

Denver Colorado, Summer 2011: Day 7

“If they delay the flight anymore, can you stay?”

Not construction.

My last morning in Denver started with eggs and hugs again, then we needed to return the Big Orange Sissy to its point of origin.  I brought up its lack of power and got resounding agreement from everyone in the office as they mentioned “rubber bands breaking, “ and “the mice getting tired”.  Luz Maria took me back and while the sisters mostly used the hot tub, Anabelle and I swam in the pool.  Well, theoretically we swam. Mostly she clamped onto me and we just kinda stood there.

Denver Colorado, Summer 2011: Day 6

“As the bus goes forward, we go backward in time!”

Not sticking out, but still all over the freakin' ground.

The morning was one of recombobulation, as we tried to figure out what I could get away with taking home in the big suitcase, while they kept the carry ons.  Then it was off to a mighty prehistoric adventure.

The Doctor is “IN”

Forty eight years ago yesterday, a little educational show started up in England.  It featured a history teacher and a science teacher traveling with, and providing lessons to, one of their students.  Due to the Kennedy assassination, the show’s premier went almost completely unnoticed, and only a rebroadcast of the initial episode before the second kept if from vanishing before it started.

The teachers’ lessons were greatly enhanced by the fact that their young student’s grandfather could bring them all to the date and location of any lesson needed with his magic box that could travel through Time And Relative Dimensions in Space…

A month later, they were all attacked by psychotic, fascist pepper mills with unusual armaments. 

I always said, “It’s not the toilet plunger, it’s the egg whisk you need to watch out for."

The educational aspect was mostly tossed out the window in favor of intelligently presented adventure and, in what has become the most successful and longest running science fiction series of all time, the Doctor and his companions have been running ever since.

Hartnell started it all, and influenced all who followed.

Denver Colorado, Summer 2011: Day 5

“How Big Could the Zoo Be?”

Not a bush, this time.

The day started with another bit of airline website checking, another bit of omelet breakfast, another bit of Anabelle reading an Elseworlds comic (I’m so proud.) another bit of pool swimming, and another round of demented sounding phone messages.

Denver Colorado, Summer 2011: Day 4

“You may want to eat further down the mountain.”

Not as peaceful as it looked.

We started the day with a good old fashioned emotional upheaval. Anabelle, who had been sleeping on an air mattress on Titi LuzMa’s floor, woke up extremely sad, and telling us she missed us.  This caused us a bit of concern as Rosa had recently realized that with our insane schedule we’d barely be able to fit in all the sightseeing we planned, never mind the sisterly stuff she also wanted to do.  We discussed it and as much as we didn’t want to be apart that long (for the first time in almost a decade) we didn’t want the opportunity to be missed.  Rosa started checking on the possibility of staying an extra week.  Work was such a zoo at that point, I was lucky to get the week off I had already scheduled.

Denver Colorado, Summer 2011: Day 3

“A New York Tyrannosaur, you’d think we’d have noticed that on the plane”

Not tiptoeing through the tulips.

We began this day by all visiting the pool. Anabelle continued to practice her headstand, while I continued to swim butterfly because the pool was too small to do good overhand laps in. Of course that meant I set up a standing wave forceful enough to continually knock over my daughter. (Excellent parenting there, Jeff.)

Denver Colorado, Summer 2011: Day 2

“They have grumpy fish too”

Not a fish.

Our first full day started out with my making eggs for Anabelle while Rosa reconfigured the schedule based on the fact that we didn’t have much else to eat except the eggs.  Luz Maria and I contributed greatly to that need to reconfigure the schedule by initiating our complete inability to navigate for each other and getting thoroughly lost on the way to pick up the rental car.  Based on Joe selling Chrysler vehicles for years, and Aurora’s favorite color, I chose an Orange Dodge Caliber.  I was warned that the car was slightly lacking in pick up, which it did, in much the same way the Sun is slightly lacking in swimming pools.  Once equipped we headed back to Luz Maria’s house to find Rosa busy taking pictures, with her super deluxe magic Cannon camera, of the elegant layout  and décor of the place in a fashion which indicated I was going to be living in multiple episodes of While You Were Out  when we returned home. 

Denver Colorado, Summer 2011: Day 1

“Hey look, Mountains”

Not a mountain.

As she had been separated from her family for far too many years, we planned a trip to visit Rosa’s sister in Denver while Anabelle was out of school.  Luz Maria immediately started sending us brochures of things to do, and I volunteered to set up a Disney like spreadsheet to organize our days. Rosa insisted that this would be a much more relaxed vacation, and we would not need a spreadsheet. Imagine my surprise as the flyers and e-mails with links to websites intensified the week before the trip when I found a grid listing various Museums, Zoos and comic stores cross indexed with the days of our trip.

Being a responsible adult, I did not gloat about this fact.

Being a male, I did write “Ha Ha!” at the bottom of the spreadsheet.

Once upon a time…In the Hall of Justice

The ability to create original superheroes was mine from childhood.

The ability to organically combine masses of existing superheroes took over twenty years of comic book collecting.

The ability to do this comes from being the father of a little girl…



As usual, click to enlarge and bask in the obsession.



There...there wolf.

Happy Halloween!

Since I’ve already covered the other “big two” Universal Monsters, I guess it’s time to talk about werewolves. Lycanthropes of some form or another show up in almost every culture’s legends.  The were-whatever was usually linked to the most fierce or frightening creature in an area.  The same fears that led to the “Big Bad Wolf” in fairy tales, gave rise to the European werewolf stories.

Why, Mr. Wolf. What a big legacy you have.

The original legends were intertwined with other irrational supernatural fears of the time. The best way to become a werewolf was usually to be a witch first, and use the proper spell to transform. The best way to become a vampire was to be a werewolf when you were killed.  Also the idea that shape shifting into a blood thirsty beast is contagious is a relatively new one.  Old school werewolves tended to eat their prey, leaving nothing behind to inherit the curse except some wolf droppings. (And I’m pretty sure no Dark Age villagers were quaking in fear of the were-turd, or in France, Le Poop-Garou.)

From the Works of Edgar Allan Goose

As I sit here in my kitchen,

Noises set my old eye twitchen’.

Tiny sounds that I know I’ve heard before.

My husband out in fields a’ reaping,

Once again the vermin creeping

Slowly in the corner near the door.

A Perfect 10

Transcontinental Love Story

Or

How Do I Get Here from There?

Not only did she pick the ice sculpture, she picked me back when I looked like this. Am I lucky or what?

Up the Lake: Lake Stuff

Water Hazards

or

I Guess that’s Why They Call it the Lake

The center of all kids’ social, political and even military activities Up the Lake was, of course, wherever the beer was . . .

Jeff's Books to Open Your Mind: Sideways Stories from Wayside School

There is a whole lot of mind expanding goodness in these books by Louis Sachar.

Her Name Revealed

A frightening discovery occurred during a trip to Waltham, Massachusetts for a training seminar.  My family accompanied me for the journey, as it was during summer vacation, but like many terrifying realizations, it occurred when I was alone.

500 Word Freshman Essay

An essay must start with its thesis statement, which is expanded and supported in three body paragraphs before being restated in the conclusion.  The introduction paragraph supplies additional background support as well.  The opening section can also establish the tone and format of the document by using sentence structure, for example: sub clauses separated by commas, which will be used in the remainder of the piece.  Some extra information can be mentioned in the introduction without follow up in the body paragraphs to increase information, but mostly to attain the required word count.  The introductory section ends with a transition into, and often the opening words of, the first body paragraph.

Thank God I'm an Engineer

Parody of "Thank God I’m a Country Boy" by John Denver

The patron saint of engineers.

What’s the Worst that Could Happen?

When it comes to getting enough nerve to ask someone out, the clueless will often impart this question and answer phrased advice:

“Go ahead and ask her, what’s the worst that could happen? 

She says ‘No.’”

People who say this have little understanding of psychology in general and geek psychology in particular.

“No” is not always the worst thing.

“No” does not require alteration to the current lifestyle.

Studies have shown that any change, good or bad, causes stress.  Rejection is easy, there’s no change, you just continue on with life as it was before:  go to the arcade, read some comic books, play a war game, whatever.

“Yes” is where the trouble starts.

“Yes” leads to “Holy crap! What do I do now?”

Here’s an extended account of “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Oddly, not the most dangerous thing in the place.

An Infinite Gauntlet of Crises

"People are like Twinkies. They are filled with a creamy goodness that is creativity.

However, people are also under pressure, and if they do not have a healthy outlet for their creativity, it squirts out in strange directions"

- Brian Moriarity

 This was written back when I had just moved into our new home, and hadn’t sold the old one yet. 

 Moving can be stressful

Since there were nearly a hundred characters in the first one, this one was only supposed to have a dozen or so to avoid having them be too obscure.

Also, due to the kind of financial jiggery pokery that caused the market collapse at the time, we had four mortgages.

 Moving can be VERY stressful.

Hence, this is the larger than originally planned amalgaddendum.

For the comic geeks in the crowd, I used more Marvel Knights than Defenders in for my JSA combinations this time around...for no reason other than I like them.  Also, I decided the MC2 universe of Spider-Girl is the true future of Marvel, because it’s happier.

As I said, I was stressed.

New Pictured Characters in CAPS

Characters from Amalgamations Accumulate in Italics
As always, please click on the pictures to bask in the obsession.

A CONTEST NO MORE

Old Guy Game Guides: Watchmen the End is Nigh

This review of Watchmen: The End is Nigh is a perfect example of why my game guides will be completely useless to a majority of people.

Wow, with that kind of intro, I’ll be attracting new readers by the truckload!

A Tale of Two Als

Based on the release of Alpocalypse at the start of the summer and Welcome 2 My Nightmare at the end of it, I have come to the realization that Weird Al and Alice Cooper are the only two musicians that make me run out to the store the day a new album is released.

There’s several more “onlys” that these two share.

Disney 2005: Day 9

In which it’s time to say goodbye to all our company…

The last day's morning was, of course, filled with packing, checking out of the room, and into the airline.  We took one last walk around the hotel to take pictures of the giant props, including one of me being crushed by a huge “little foosball man” that can only be titled "Bray's Revenge".  Anabelle whiled away the time we had to wait to check into the airline by playing with hula-hoops and chalk drawing on the ground, as well as all over herself. 

Disney 2005: Day 8

In which our child turns two in the Magic Kingdom.

For her big day, we dressed Anabelle in her Minnie Mouse dress and took her to Chef Mickey's in the Contemporary.  Yet again, there were a lot of happy moments, with hugs and kisses for Mickey, Minnie, Chip, Dale, and even Pluto.  She still wanted nothing to do with Goofy and gave him a wide berth.  She joined in the napkin spinning celebration, and was excited to get her own birthday cupcake, with candle.  We got pretty excited too when, instead of blowing it out, she reached out to grab the flame.  There was a lot of yelling, jumping and blowing on our parts that she found very amusing.  Minnie even came back for a second pass to compare dresses and give her a birthday hug.  Auntie Kim also called during breakfast to wish her a happy birthday, and then Uncle Dave got on to sing to her.  Anabelle looked at me, said "no" and closed the phone.  She knows what she likes, I guess.  Our breakfast ended with a transcontinental laugh at Uncle Dave.

Disney 2005: Day 7

In which there is resting(ish)

We spent the morning hanging around the hotel, doing some initial packing, and getting ready for the upcoming big day.  We had lunch scheduled in EPCOT, and went over eventually.  Anabelle (as per usual) fell asleep as we got there, so we took turns on Spaceship Earth.  I tried to take pictures, almost none of which came out. (Someday I shall figure out Rosa’s secret of getting good pictures while in motion, or at least be smart enough to get her to take them.) I was attempting to document what EPCOT is supposed to be: educational, animatronic filled, dark rides; not all these newfangled, thrill packed, doo-hickeys.  Hey, maybe I'm old and crusty, but you never read about anyone dropping dead on "Horizons" did you?  Ah ferget it…grumble grumble.

Disney 2005: Day 6

In which there is happy nature and sad deserts.

Anabelle took her nap as soon as we hit Animal Kingdom, allowing Rosa to video the Festival of the Lion King, hoping that her child might someday want to see it.  I walked the stroller around a secluded side nature trail with some birds, a nice waterfall on the Tree of Life, and two EXTREMELY HAPPY Galapagos Tortoises.  I really wish I had a camera, as the male was performing what has to be one of the greatest balancing acts in all of nature.

Disney 2005: Day 5

In which we go around the world, and back to the past’s future.

Having mostly recovered, we set out for a day at EPCOT, and luckily caught the character bus on arrival.  Anabelle had a wonderful time running to, and hugging Mickey, Minnie, Chip and Dale, and a Giant Penguin. (Quite a surprise, as she was still terrified of Pluto at this point.) 

Disney 2005: Day 4

In which movie time comes to a premature end.

MGM got short changed, as far as time goes.  The second day there was our final day, and this day…well it had issues.  We all slept pretty late after the recent festivities, getting us to the park in time for Anabelle’s nap (which did allow us to ride Star Tours).  The mind games continued as Anabelle kept asking to go take a picture on the speeder bike prop, and then proceeded to cry in horror when I brought her there.  She also decided to be afraid of a red car on the street, and the small stuffed “Jedi Mickey” I bought…fun.

DC should stand for “Destroy Continuity”

First, thanx to Funny Steve for the title idea.

To celebrate the 50^th Anniversary of Fantastic Four Issue One (and with it, the birth of the Marvel universe) Marvel did…nothing. 

DC on the other hand, is beginning an aggressive campaign to get me to read more Marvel comics.

Is this the new future of the DCU?  The JLA will fight Darkseid first...

We now stand on the brink of yet another reboot to DC Continuity (at least the parts that the new guys in charge haven’t written themselves).  However, I have reached the point where there is simply no room left in my head for any more fictional universes.  There’s a ridiculous amount in there now, and frankly DC has already used up too large a percentage of them compared to anyone else.

Disney 2005: Day 3

In which there is wild life and western shows.

We started our day with another character breakfast, this time Donald's Breakfastasaurus. She greeted Donald with the enthusiastic hug, kiss and conversation that were the hallmarks of the happy moments. Then, Pluto and Goofy came by together, and things turned bad. She became so upset that when Mickey came by afterward, she kept alternating between happy hugs, and crying and pulling away from him, which I'm sure confused poor Mickey a great deal. Naptime after breakfast allowed us to catch "It’s tough to be a bug". Frankly, parts of that show still scare me, so it was a no brainier to have Anabelle skip it.

Disney 2005: Day 2

In which there are MORE princesses and scary animal robots.

We began the day with the Winnie the Pooh character breakfast at the Crystal Palace. What a great idea.  We were called in to sit just as the Cinderellabration show was beginning in front of the Castle.  This was the theme for the day, as every time we were near the show, it was cancelled due to rain showers, and every time we were away from it, or she was napping, we would hear it announced.  Breakfast started off well, good food, fun waiter, etc.  Piglet came up from behind Anabelle and startled her, but she seemed OK with him.   Then came the Lurking Horror that is Eeyore.  We shooed him away as our child tried to gnaw herself free from her high chair.  She didn't really recover after that, and had similar reactions to Tigger and Pooh.  We quickly ran out before the monstrous donkey got by our table for a second pass.

Disney 2005: Day 1

In which we arrive and the magic begins.

Disney 2005: Prologue

Walt Disney Whirled
OR
Frights of Fancy

Bear Necessities:

Our first family trip to Disney World was back for our daughters second birthday. We stayed nine days and took far too many pictures to annotate individually. Overall it was a great, if exhausting time. Things went much better when we realized that our daughter was completely terrified of theaters/auditoriums, and audio-animatronics. We also found that even though she has many videos of characters in costume showing how big they are…they look much bigger in person. If we had known this going in, things would have went much smoother. As it was, once we stopped trying to drag Anabelle into attractions that scared the living beejeebers out of her, we all had a much better time.

Movie Blues

The past weeks have seen theatrical releases of a film by those who individually directed or starred in A Beautiful Mind, Iron Man, Star Wars and James Bond, which surely will start a new Sci Fi Action franchise, and another film that restarts one of my all time favorite Sci Fi Franchises by mixing two of my all time favorite things, Time Travel and Gorillas.


But since I have a little girl, I saw what may be the first movie in history where the Happy Meal prizes are actually larger and better made than the original toys the film was based on…


The Smurfs.

A surprise coming for my movie choices.

Up the Lake: Grandma's Stories

Insanity: The First Generation
Or
A Shot in the Arm



The way across the lake was rarely as peaceful or straight as it looked.

From as far back in my childhood as I can remember, and many years past that, the same thing would happen whenever we would all be sitting around the cabin, Up the Lake, doing nothing. (A common occurrence on rainy days due to the lack of electricity, running water, and pavement.) Grandma would say, "Why don't we all play a game?" Then as we played, she would tell us a bunch of stories, mostly of the Up the Lake variety. My family and friends knew the place our entire lives, as our Grandparents found it when they were dating. Any of my bizarre adventures up there pale in comparison to some of the tales from the "old days,” when cars were not available to everyone, thus removing the ability to escape the craziness and isolation, even for short periods of time.

The Glory of Rome

I learned, as my Father and many others have, that while it is shaped into a very boring subject in school, reading about the non-curriculum approved portions of history is a fascinating and interesting adventure.


One summer I decided to read through my Chronicles books to review a chunk of the history of western civilization...

Mostly because I still don't know everything yet.

The chronicles books go through history by profiling the times and lives of individuals. The period I surveyed was covered by: the Pharaohs, the Roman Republic, the Roman Emperors, and the Popes.

A nearly quest quelling collapse occurred during the Emperor book

It looks serious, doesn't it?

Top Ten Signs that the Magic is Gone

Some subtle hints that the relationship has passed the saving point.

Love can be a bully sometimes.

Captain America: Last Movie before the First Avengers

Gotta love when a Golden Age comic gets recreated on screen!

I was really looking forward to watching Captain America on the big screen for several reasons:

1) Marvel Studios’ excellent track record.
2) A Golden Age superhero movie actually set during World War Two.
3) A very limited amount emotionally invested in the character.

Jeff's Books to Open Your Mind: Fahrenheit 451

HOLY GUACAMOLE!

How on Earth did I manage to get through all of my formal education without being told to read this Ray Bradbury classic?

Something is seriously amiss.

Kaiju Police

Rodan
(Parody of Roxanne by the Police)
Lyrics by Jeff McGinley
Apologies to Sting, Ishiro Honda, and the Denizens of Monster Island