Christmas Village 2025

The Leader In Ruthless Sports Terrorist Entertainment
Or
I Am A Real American… Hero
 
We’ve reached that time of year! 

The Eighteenth Christmas Battle Village is the first time that it is a true, immediate sequel to last year’s battle. Once again, many thanx are due to Doctor Miller, my dentist (retired), reader (long time) and friend (current) for donating the “guest stars” for both last year and this follow up after his housing downsize!
 
Disclaimer #1) I didn’t bother checking exactly which trucks were used last year or where they were placed meaning I set them up based on memory. I only checked after all the figures were set up and it was too late to move them leading to some locational shifts in this "immediate sequel." So there.
Disclaimer #2) I have given up trying to find the proper stand for each figure. No one can read them except me while I am setting them up, and the figures barely can stay upright on them anymore anyway as they get older, and the joints get softer. This is also why so many are becoming left-handed as their right (and more and more often, left as well) hand is stretching beyond usability.
Disclaimer #4) There was a wrestling figure I didn’t use: one of the guys from Demolition. It was pretty badly made to begin with, and really beat up. I couldn’t tell which tag team member it was, and he didn’t make a good story element without his partner. 

Axe or Smash, I apologize.

Disclaimer #5) I'm almost positive there was a "Disclaimer #3" at some point. I know it wasn't that I am blatantly lying about never doing an immediate sequel before. I wonder what it referenced?

It Is Time.
 
The Joes and Cobras were completely overwhelmed on Sluttbordet Plateau last year by the invasion of the Miniature Marauding M.U.S.C.L.E. Men. Only by working together could the two groups of sworn enemies make any headway against their swarming attackers from another dimension. Technical experts from both teams joined forces to modify the "Fractally Advancing Reality Transmogrifier" carried by the G.I. Joe “High-Speed Extra-dimensional Search Ship” to send the tiny terrors back from whence they came.

 
The small size of their foes was found to have been caused by a shrinking effect as they were extracted from their dimension. Trying to combine a mix of Cobra and Joe equipment in the beam generator unfortunately damaged the "Universe Gyroscopic Location Yanker." While engaged in returning the M.U.S.C.L.E. Men home the transportation and embiggening ray accidentally locked on to the middle of a 1980’s World Wrestling Federation house show. And now…
 
PANDEMONIUM IS BREAKING LOOSE ON THE FROZEN PLATEU!!!!

Transformers Rewatch Original Season 3G

The Quintesson Journal

This makes so much more sense coming after the last one in the right order than when they aired them in reverse when I was a kid.

Transformers Rewatch G.I. Joe Interlude B

G.I Joe- The Revenge of Cobra 1-5

Hey! 1500 posts! Nifty! No wonder I don't get enough sleep!

Do I have to watch another one? 

Oh wait, this one has the people I wanted to see. And much cooler credits scenes. 

Wild Bill flying in a copter! Flint and Lady Jaye in opening animation! Mutt!

Transformers Rewatch G.I. Joe Interlude A

Hey, the Real American Heroes on Memorial Day, when we remember REAL American heroes. I'd like to take credit for planning this, but I feel my lack of ability to plan post timing is too well known at this stage.

Transformers Rewatch Original Season 2H

Prime Target

Transformers US Generation 1 Rewatch- Introduction

The Transformers cartoon was the lynchpin of my teenaged afternoons. Prior to that I began watching it when if first appeared on Sunday mornings, while syndicated animation was figuring out what to do with itself. 

Note- I'm pretty sure it was Sunday morning, but I can't find a reference that doesn't say "Saturday Morning" or "Weekdays." Maybe Sunday was only G.I. Joe? Being a teenager that early in the morning on weekends led to grogginess, but syndication was also highly variable back then. Your mileage may vary.

Regardless- the main viewing was after school, frequently with friends.

Christmas Village 2024

America's Highly Traiiiiiieeeeeeee WHAT ARE THEY?!?!!

Or

Cobra, A Ruthless TerrooooOOOOOOH IT'S PULLING ME UNDER!

Christmas Village 2023

A Mesozoic Daring, Highly Trained Special Mission Force

or

A Ruthless Terrorist Organization, Determined to Be Hos D'oeuvres 

This year's annual battle is introduced by the Marvel Legends' interpretation of the Radio City Rockettes' "New York at Christmas" Production Number.  

Around the Hess Tour bus are Enchantress, Scarlett Witch, Mantis, White Tiger, Dazzler (here for every Christmas, by law) Elektra, Polaris and Thundra.  

A big thank you to Anabelle for completely ignoring me when I said, 

"You'll never get that many Marvel Super Women figures to stand up."

Granted, they did go over like dominos after she went back to school, adding extensively to the holiday profanity party as I tried to fix them.

Anyway- on to the battle!

Christmas Village 2022

A Ruthless H.G. Wellsian Inspired Organization Determined to Rule the Table
Or
America’s Daring, Highly Trained Stuffed Animal Fodder
 

Christmas Village 2021

The Lovers, The Dreamers and America's Highly Trained Special Mission Force

Or...

Fifteen Seconds to Curtains- For Cobra

Wow, we've reached the fourteenth holiday battle following the same theme every time. 

You'd think I'd run out of ideas by now...

And you'd be right. 

Thanx to Anabelle for suggesting this when she cleared her other figures out of the way to make room for the Marvel Legends Twelve Days of Christmas.

On with the story...'cause there's always a story.

Christmas Village 2020

America's Daring, Highly Trained, Special Mythion Force
Or
Fights for Folklore Wherever There’s Trouble
 
 
It’s fitting that 2020 marks the lucky thirteenth version of this foolishness.  

With what everyone is going through, we could all use a little fantasy in our lives.

As an introduction, Anabelle presents the Marvel Legends version of the Nutcracker, starring:

Christmas Village 2019

Now Shall You Deal with A Ruthless Terrorist Organization, and All the Powers of HELL!

Or

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes To Defend Human Freedom!

Welcome to the Twelfth excursion into this inanity!

Christmas Village 2018

A Writing American Hero

Or

Here Comes Stan Lee Claus

I originally didn’t want to involve superheroes two years in a row for the annual Christmas carnage atop the frozen Norwegian wastes of Sluttbordet Plateau.  However, with the passing of Stan Lee, this is unquestionably the year a Marvel tribute is needed.

Cobra forces once again are perched atop the plateau.  “Weren’t they defeated by the Justice League?” I hear an outburst or readers cry.

Would you believe, a couple of readers?

Would you believe, it’s just one? (Hi, Mom!)

Yes, Cobra was defeated, but in the Mighty Marvel Manner, the Watcher asks:

“What if Marvel heroes and villains co-created by Stan Lee 

joined in the annual snow covered battle?”

Christmas Village 2015

A Yule Time Ago in Galaxy Far Far Away

Or

I Have a Very Festive Feeling About This

This year, I decided to respect the sanctity of the holiday and only have the utterly traditional Christmas Village my daughter set up complete with custom light up tree.

Isn’t it lovely?

G. I Joe: Reta-late-tion

Hey, I saw G. I. Joe: Retaliation!

I made fun of the first one, but did like it.  That meant seeing this was inevitable.

Fine…

I realize this review is 658 days late, but I believe there is acceptable justification for my delay.

Christmas Village 2014

To Explore a Strange New Christmas

Or

A Fully Armed and Operational Holiday

The unlikely alliance forged in combat against the Abominable Giant Mutant Alien Clown Penguin has only strengthened over time.  The bonds have grown out of necessity as the pooling of the two teams’ resources to create a vehicle capable of determining the origin of the beast unlocked a terrifying discovery.  When the 50^th Anniversary of Hess Trucks G. I. Joe crew plotted back along the fiend’s arrival vector, they discovered a worm hole connecting to myriad other universes.

That’s right; it was an Extra-Dimensional Abominable Giant Mutant Alien Clown Penguin.

Realizing that creature could only be the tip of the iceberg of what could invade our dimension (as in, anything in my house that isn’t nailed down) the Joes and Cobras bonded more tightly together as the only line of defense for their reality.

As we look over the Plateau today, results of initial contact missions through the wormhole are already underway.

George Awards: It’s OK if it Happens to your Finger

Warning

This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”

This is not a post for children.  Kids, take a hike.

This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language.  Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.

End of Warning.

Welcome back to the return of the George Awards, reinstated to commemorate the naming of a street in New York after George Carlin.

Today we’ll start the list proper for the Top Ten most interesting, unexpected or otherwise entertaining uses of “The Finger.”

Christmas Village 2013

“Lovely Weather for a Slay Night Together With You”

Or

“Merry Christmas, mein Joe”- By the Royal Crimson Guardsmen

The annual winter struggles for Tabletop Plateau continue once more this year.

But what’s this?

Something very strange is occurring.

Christmas Village 2012

Welcome…to Cobra Park

or

A Real America’s Biggest Hero

Time again for another Christmas Carnage Classic.

I consulted with the Design Advisor (my daughter) who suggested that the Joes and Cobras should be friends and all hug each other.  She actually used something similar for the first idea for her set up, A DC/Marvel mixer dance, before changing her mind and constructing the Monster High Winter Carnival and Car Show.

With her advice reduced to which HESS trucks were left for my undertaking, I suggested the following idea, which she proclaimed as, “COOL!”

Following last year’s skirmish, the Cobra forces and their allies were kicked off the annually contested plateau.  Surprisingly, the ruthless terrorist organization doesn’t seem to be engaging in any overt activities to retake it at the moment.

So...Joe?

I make fun of G I Joe the Rise of Cobra a lot…because it deserves it.

However, I did see it twice the week it was released, several times since, and it remains   mindlessly enjoyable, a hoot and a half, and full of crazy action.

Yes, you look cool, but it was still goofy.

While not quite as good as the original Transformers, it’s also not nearly as dumb and drawn out as Transformers 2, and a close third place for the summer of 2009 (Star Trek is still way in the lead; I think I liked Monsters vs. Aliens a little bit more than Joe, it gets bonus points for jokes about classic Fifties’ sci-fi.)

Every time I try to talk about this movie, though, I can’t help complaining about what they did "wrong", proving that I'm a total geek, I suppose.

The overwhelming impression is that its a two hour big stupid pile of fun that flies by just as fast on each viewing. (There are probably spoilers below, but seriously, if you're looking to G I Joe for intricate secret plot elements, I can't really help you.)