I tried returning to this show around
the same time the Transformers DVDs came out, over twenty years ago, but found much of it unwatchable with the smidge of maturity I gained since I was a teen ager. That’s not to criticize. It’s a kid’s show and functions well
as such. There were some great episodes (the Mirror Universe, the Viper, the one
where they gaslight Shipwreck into thinking he pulled a Rip Van Winkle, then
the same writers stole their own idea for Riker in Star Trek the Next
Generation.)
Maybe it’s that the comics were far superior.
Maybe it was that I really connected with the Transformers concept and characters more…
But I think it has more to do with having a military action show where two armies face off and no one is allowed to shoot anybody.
I did find the original two miniseries really cheap on their Rhino release (the “Shout Factory” of the 1990s and early 2000s) Therefore, they are all I own. Since were some subtle nods in Season Two and there are direct references to this franchise in Transformers Season Three, they were included in the watch party.
Cool, the Wolverine Missile tank is in
the credits. I wonder how many other regular members of the Christmas village
will be here?
For his first animated appearance, Duke’s initial moment is yelling, “I’m gonna kick the mustard out of that crazy hot dog!” about a wild Skystriker pilot. That’s… a bold choice.
Maybe it was that I really connected with the Transformers concept and characters more…
But I think it has more to do with having a military action show where two armies face off and no one is allowed to shoot anybody.
I did find the original two miniseries really cheap on their Rhino release (the “Shout Factory” of the 1990s and early 2000s) Therefore, they are all I own. Since were some subtle nods in Season Two and there are direct references to this franchise in Transformers Season Three, they were included in the watch party.
“A Real American Hero 1-5” (AKA “The
Mass Device”)
For his first animated appearance, Duke’s initial moment is yelling, “I’m gonna kick the mustard out of that crazy hot dog!” about a wild Skystriker pilot. That’s… a bold choice.
Ah, the pilot
is Scarlett, who begins mutual shameless flirting with Duke. I forgot how much
the cartoon ignores the cannon interpersonal relationships of the comics. (And,
y’know, nearly everything else.) Seeing her ignore Snake Eyes after this makes me
more uncomfortable. 
Although, he is the original, much less cool, normal rifle
carrying, blue gloveless outfit, commando- not a ninja, Snake Eyes.
Those Cobra planes straight up slammed into the runway. Not a parachute to be seen. That would change, and quickly.
Why is Cobra Commander based in a big, spooky
castle? He was a used car salesman. Never mind, he admits it’s for dramatic
effect. He is a showman.
Those Cobra planes straight up slammed into the runway. Not a parachute to be seen. That would change, and quickly.
I forgot Cobra Commander isn’t the exact voice Chris
Latta used for Starscream. They put a “mask echo” on it… plus he hisses his “s”es.
That’s going to get annoying fast.
Duke gets a briefing from General Flagg. He was the Joe commander before Hawk took over. And there’s an annoying bean counter woman. That would be kind of insulting, if we didn’t find out very quickly, she’s the Baroness. I did not forget she was a master of disguise, but did forget she started out in “Cobra Blue” first before her iconic black outfit.
Second Slutbordet Plateau Vehicle sighting! Stalker
is on the RAM Cycle!
This is SUCH a US military propaganda show. Even changing the name to Action Force in England I can’t imagine how it gained any ground outside of this country. It honestly makes me a little uncomfortable. (Not as much as seeing Duke with Scarlett, but still- uncomfortable.)
So, for all the talk and excitement, the Mass Device is only a teleporter. I feel like Cybertronian technology has jaded me. Correction- it is a teleporter that makes the Hanna Barbera oooO-WAH-ooo noise.
The nostalgia of seeing and hearing the characters (and the song) is nice but there’s no way I could do a long season of this.
Half way through first episode- Duke is captured. How about that, Cobra has gladiator pits. Now we know why Duke was captured… so he could engage in hand-to-hand grappling for several episodes instead of shooting and missing. Because, as the fire fights get bigger there is SO MUCH missing.
Excellent tactics there, Baron Bludd, land the armed helicopters so the pilots can run out and engage the Joes on the ground. No wonder you always lose.
I see. The only way to stop the Mass Device
is to make another one. This involves a enormous, global scavenger hunt to find the
three McGuffin materials. Wouldn’t it be easier to put all that effort
searching into…
oh I don’t know…
FINDING THE COBRA BASE?!?!
Cobra has mind control headbands. It’s really easy to do on this show too.
Holy crow! The slave Duke is fighting has to be at least ten feet tall. Will we get an explanation? I’m guessing no.
The Next Episode/ Last Episode bumpers
are stupid long.
This stiff animation style works WAY better for robots.
The show must have started shortly after the comics, since the early costumes are there, but there are more of the “specialist outift” Joes around than the original twelve had. That includes Snow Job. (Yes…Snow Job.)
Major Bludd’s Australian accent is achieving
Dick Van Dyke Cockney levels of atrocious.
Using the Mass Device to steal the Eiffel Tower is one (stupid) thing. Are they working with Gru? But stealing the entire fully armed and armored Russian army out of Red Square goes a bit further. Good thing the Reds decided not to fight back.
Wow, early (and VERY clunky) Battle Android Troopers. Maybe HASBRO could have looked at their other franchise for better robot ideas? Just a thought.
Slave Girl- “Put this strip of metal
under your mind control headband to block the signal.”
Wow! I was not expecting “block the signal” to mean “The headband fires lasers that knocks the mind control joysticks out of Cobra Commander and Destro’s hands.” These ideas are goofier than mine.
Gotta love seeing the entire G.I. Joe team panic over, “Why isn’t Snake Eyes answering his radio?” (Note- For those who do not follow this franchise: Snake Eyes is mute.)
The escaping Duke falls out of a tree, lands in a H.I.S.S. Tank and drives away. This is why you shouldn’t leave the keys in your tank when you step out to take a pee, or whatever they were doing.
Hi, Cover girl! I thought showed up much later.
Hey, world leaders, you know Cobra has a
teleporter. Why did you think they wanted you to gather on the island? For a rousing sing along?
Wow, that camera angle is right up laughing Destro’s nose.
Snake Eyes got the MacGuffin but now he is radioactive. Maybe that is where his ninja skills come from.
Duke gets a briefing from General Flagg. He was the Joe commander before Hawk took over. And there’s an annoying bean counter woman. That would be kind of insulting, if we didn’t find out very quickly, she’s the Baroness. I did not forget she was a master of disguise, but did forget she started out in “Cobra Blue” first before her iconic black outfit.
This is SUCH a US military propaganda show. Even changing the name to Action Force in England I can’t imagine how it gained any ground outside of this country. It honestly makes me a little uncomfortable. (Not as much as seeing Duke with Scarlett, but still- uncomfortable.)
So, for all the talk and excitement, the Mass Device is only a teleporter. I feel like Cybertronian technology has jaded me. Correction- it is a teleporter that makes the Hanna Barbera oooO-WAH-ooo noise.
The nostalgia of seeing and hearing the characters (and the song) is nice but there’s no way I could do a long season of this.
Half way through first episode- Duke is captured. How about that, Cobra has gladiator pits. Now we know why Duke was captured… so he could engage in hand-to-hand grappling for several episodes instead of shooting and missing. Because, as the fire fights get bigger there is SO MUCH missing.
Excellent tactics there, Baron Bludd, land the armed helicopters so the pilots can run out and engage the Joes on the ground. No wonder you always lose.
oh I don’t know…
FINDING THE COBRA BASE?!?!
Cobra has mind control headbands. It’s really easy to do on this show too.
Holy crow! The slave Duke is fighting has to be at least ten feet tall. Will we get an explanation? I’m guessing no.
This stiff animation style works WAY better for robots.
The show must have started shortly after the comics, since the early costumes are there, but there are more of the “specialist outift” Joes around than the original twelve had. That includes Snow Job. (Yes…Snow Job.)
Using the Mass Device to steal the Eiffel Tower is one (stupid) thing. Are they working with Gru? But stealing the entire fully armed and armored Russian army out of Red Square goes a bit further. Good thing the Reds decided not to fight back.
Wow, early (and VERY clunky) Battle Android Troopers. Maybe HASBRO could have looked at their other franchise for better robot ideas? Just a thought.
Wow! I was not expecting “block the signal” to mean “The headband fires lasers that knocks the mind control joysticks out of Cobra Commander and Destro’s hands.” These ideas are goofier than mine.
Gotta love seeing the entire G.I. Joe team panic over, “Why isn’t Snake Eyes answering his radio?” (Note- For those who do not follow this franchise: Snake Eyes is mute.)
The escaping Duke falls out of a tree, lands in a H.I.S.S. Tank and drives away. This is why you shouldn’t leave the keys in your tank when you step out to take a pee, or whatever they were doing.
Hi, Cover girl! I thought showed up much later.
Wow, that camera angle is right up laughing Destro’s nose.
Snake Eyes got the MacGuffin but now he is radioactive. Maybe that is where his ninja skills come from.
Both armies are diving into an ocean trench to get heavy water? Does Godzilla live there?
The whole G.I Joe squad is super excited when Torpedo shows up. It’s like we should see it as a triumphant return... Except that it’s the first show.
Hey, its Timber!
There are loads of extended travel shots
in this show. There’s even more than in Transformers… who are sentient
vehicles.
Oh, it’s fine that Snake Eyes is radioactive because a crazy, old, Scottish blind man has saved him and Timber from an enormous white grizzly bear. The man is a weird mix of Quinn and Blind Master from the comics. Which leads me to ask, why didn’t they read the comics?
Meanwhile, underwater- monstrous screaming
worms!
We’ve had giant land, air and sea battles so far…all with huge amounts of missing.
The first Joe and Cobra team up already? And against worms?
And also, completely unsuccessfully. That is until Duke figures out how to make the worms float. He could have done that without teaming up. Oh, it hardly matters, they’re fighting each other again anyway.
Crazy, old, Scottish, blind man cured Snake
Eyes from being radioactive with herbs. Wow, that’s impressive.
Cobra has Space Vipers? Which they teleport to a satellite with the last of the elements that make their Mass Device work. So much for no one dies.
Wait. G.I. Joe uses Cobra’s container for
the heavy water? And then act all surprised that it’s really a booby trapped
fusion bomb? Don’t worry. Timber and Cover Girl save the day. Timber was
clearly the brains of that operation.
The center of the ring of fire is not in
South America, professor. Hey Joes, maybe we shouldn’t trust this bozo.
Cobra Commander, how are you eating a turkey leg with your mask on?
The big guy Duke fought is only about six foot five now. Maybe he’s a Transformer?
Why is Wild Bill just along for the ride and not flying? I am seriously spoiled by the comics.
Whoah, Short Fuse’s New York accent is a heck of a thing. But Frank Welker, as always, THROWS IT ALL into Wild Bill
Cobra shoots their Mass Device at New
York. Gee, that is one slow moving beam. Luckily because then Duke’s friendly
slave girl can throw water on the device and break it. Maybe it’s Cybertronian?
Cobra has a Helicarrier? With a giant snake face? Where do they get their funding?
Everyone on the G.I. Joe team has a
jetpack. The Autobots should talk to these guys.
Another huge firefight! Where everyone stops shooting when they get close enough to throw punches. Probably because they don’t miss with those.
Wow, they’re going with the Damsel In Distress angle for Scarlett? Oh, never mind, Destro left her crossbow near her feet so she can shoot the control panel, leading to a crash that will kill them both. But no, she tells him how to use her “Winch Arrow” to get to the stick and land safely…
The whole G.I Joe squad is super excited when Torpedo shows up. It’s like we should see it as a triumphant return... Except that it’s the first show.
Oh, it’s fine that Snake Eyes is radioactive because a crazy, old, Scottish blind man has saved him and Timber from an enormous white grizzly bear. The man is a weird mix of Quinn and Blind Master from the comics. Which leads me to ask, why didn’t they read the comics?
We’ve had giant land, air and sea battles so far…all with huge amounts of missing.
The first Joe and Cobra team up already? And against worms?
And also, completely unsuccessfully. That is until Duke figures out how to make the worms float. He could have done that without teaming up. Oh, it hardly matters, they’re fighting each other again anyway.
Cobra has Space Vipers? Which they teleport to a satellite with the last of the elements that make their Mass Device work. So much for no one dies.
Cobra Commander, how are you eating a turkey leg with your mask on?
The big guy Duke fought is only about six foot five now. Maybe he’s a Transformer?
Why is Wild Bill just along for the ride and not flying? I am seriously spoiled by the comics.
Whoah, Short Fuse’s New York accent is a heck of a thing. But Frank Welker, as always, THROWS IT ALL into Wild Bill
Cobra has a Helicarrier? With a giant snake face? Where do they get their funding?
Another huge firefight! Where everyone stops shooting when they get close enough to throw punches. Probably because they don’t miss with those.
Wow, they’re going with the Damsel In Distress angle for Scarlett? Oh, never mind, Destro left her crossbow near her feet so she can shoot the control panel, leading to a crash that will kill them both. But no, she tells him how to use her “Winch Arrow” to get to the stick and land safely…
Which means she’ll be captured again. Well, that killed some
time anyway.
Still, just like Transformers, I gotta credit the background artists. None of them phoned it in.
This is the very first animated G.I. Joe story and Destro has already taken over Cobra. Maybe build up how fearsome the leader of the bad guys is, before belittling his ability?
Man, these villains laugh a lot. A LOT.
More phony suspense over slowly moving beams. Y’know, Transformers is often stupid, but never boring.
Why does the slave girl have the same fighting ability as Scarlett? She must have experience from the arena.
G.I. Joe has a device that puts memories on a TV screen. That’s crazy! Nice excuse for Duke lore, though.
Still, just like Transformers, I gotta credit the background artists. None of them phoned it in.
This is the very first animated G.I. Joe story and Destro has already taken over Cobra. Maybe build up how fearsome the leader of the bad guys is, before belittling his ability?
Man, these villains laugh a lot. A LOT.
More phony suspense over slowly moving beams. Y’know, Transformers is often stupid, but never boring.
Why does the slave girl have the same fighting ability as Scarlett? She must have experience from the arena.
G.I. Joe has a device that puts memories on a TV screen. That’s crazy! Nice excuse for Duke lore, though.
Wait… Duke’s
ring is a homing device, which he had on when captured and has been missing
since he returned. Why the heck are you wasting time with “Duke TV” when you could have found him ten minutes after he was captured you morons? Sigh. I have
been spoiled by the comics.
Ah, now G.I. Joe can power their Mass Device to teleport the whole gang next to Cobra’s castle. Sure, why teleport into it? We need to kill another fifteen minutes here.
Wild Bill, G.I. Joe’s helicopter specialist is finally flying… a jet. Why didn’t they just read the comics?
The giant robots used by Cobra have Omega Supreme hands. There’s gotta be some technology trading. And they have crap armor too. Definitely trading!
Hey, the big slave guy is ten feet tall
again! That’ll help in the fight!
I feel the need to point out- Scarlett’s crossbow bolts can blow up an entire tank! Maybe shoot them more often?
Destro, if you want everyone to believe
you pointed the Mass Device at the center of the Earth, maybe point it straight
down next time.
Duke- “Destro slipped away.” Dude, you can still see him.
The Joes use the last of their Mass Device Elements to beam the Eiffel tower…to London. There should have been a shot of those Space Vipers burning up in re-entry while they boated it to Paris.
Ah, now G.I. Joe can power their Mass Device to teleport the whole gang next to Cobra’s castle. Sure, why teleport into it? We need to kill another fifteen minutes here.
Wild Bill, G.I. Joe’s helicopter specialist is finally flying… a jet. Why didn’t they just read the comics?
The giant robots used by Cobra have Omega Supreme hands. There’s gotta be some technology trading. And they have crap armor too. Definitely trading!
I feel the need to point out- Scarlett’s crossbow bolts can blow up an entire tank! Maybe shoot them more often?
Duke- “Destro slipped away.” Dude, you can still see him.
The Joes use the last of their Mass Device Elements to beam the Eiffel tower…to London. There should have been a shot of those Space Vipers burning up in re-entry while they boated it to Paris.
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