G.I Joe- The Revenge of Cobra 1-5
Do I have to watch another one?
Oh wait,
this one has the people I wanted to see. And much cooler credits scenes.
Aside- Apologies ahead of time for the odd choices of pictures. I had no intention of watching it again just to get the relevant shots. Also, picture adding is part of my lunchtime proofreading activities. Today we got lunch vouchers and while the quesadilla was yummy, it was also really messy and interfered with my image searching ability.
Flint has an even more, um, memorable I
guess, introductory line than Duke,
“Snake is sneak spelled sideways.” Well, he is
the Warrant Officer, not the Grammar officer.
Lady Jaye has exploding javelins. What’s
with the G.I. Joe women having medieval weapons that can take out a mid-sized
building?
Firefly in a Trubble Bubble! Sorry, there are cooler people and vehicles in both sides. I’m going to get distracted a lot. Like by the much more ninja-ey Snake Eyes.
So, they don’t mention at all how Cobra Commander escaped. Oh, it’s fine. He’s been caught again. Perhaps that was supposed to be a sorta recap. Like the beginning of Evil Dead 2.
Duke has been captured immediately again, with Snake Eyes this time. Wouldn’t want them in the middle of the action.
I forgot Roadblock rhymes.
Zartan has straight up color and shape changing super powers, which no one comments on. Also, why are the Dreadnoks Australian?
Firefly in a Trubble Bubble! Sorry, there are cooler people and vehicles in both sides. I’m going to get distracted a lot. Like by the much more ninja-ey Snake Eyes.
So, they don’t mention at all how Cobra Commander escaped. Oh, it’s fine. He’s been caught again. Perhaps that was supposed to be a sorta recap. Like the beginning of Evil Dead 2.
Duke has been captured immediately again, with Snake Eyes this time. Wouldn’t want them in the middle of the action.
I forgot Roadblock rhymes.
Zartan has straight up color and shape changing super powers, which no one comments on. Also, why are the Dreadnoks Australian?
I never did figure out if that’s Zartan’s hair or a hat.
Cobra has a giant snake temple that can
be retracted underground. Once again, I am curious about their funding. An evil
billionaire probably.
Storm Shadow should be so much cooler. Why didn’t they just read the comic?
Destro is even more over the top this time, which is quite an achievement let me tell you.
Wow, mocking liberal views on reforming criminals and constitutional rights in a kid’s show. The Eighties were something weren’t they?
The Baroness in black! Woo!
Cobra Commander has stopped hissing. Thank
you. An even bigger “woo” for that.
Destro just has a Weather Dominator- no development, no explanation. There really must be a Cybertronian exchange going on here.
Duke and Snake Eyes free themselves instantly and then get captured again instantly. That killed a few minutes.
The Commander’s hood! Woo! Yeah, there’s much more nostalgia in this one. Oh crap, he hissed.
I didn’t mention Scarlett’s magic
ponytail last time. Her hair is clearly in the shape of a ponytail, but there
is nothing holding it in that shape.
Cobra also has giant killer plants ala Gotham villain Poison Ivy. Their R&D group must be amazing.
Another gladiator arena? With more mind control? Shouldn’t Doctor Mindbender be here? Or why didn’t they just read the comics and throw in Doctor Venom?
The mind control seems very specific and
low level. It makes them kinda fight while still doing many other things under
their own thoughts. Ooh! Duke and Snake Eyes are breaking free, so Cobra sends
unarmed soldiers against them. Couldn't afford guns 'cause we spent all the money on the castle and the giant
temple, did we?
Storm Shadow should be so much cooler. Why didn’t they just read the comic?
Destro is even more over the top this time, which is quite an achievement let me tell you.
Wow, mocking liberal views on reforming criminals and constitutional rights in a kid’s show. The Eighties were something weren’t they?
The Baroness in black! Woo!
Destro just has a Weather Dominator- no development, no explanation. There really must be a Cybertronian exchange going on here.
Duke and Snake Eyes free themselves instantly and then get captured again instantly. That killed a few minutes.
The Commander’s hood! Woo! Yeah, there’s much more nostalgia in this one. Oh crap, he hissed.
Cobra also has giant killer plants ala Gotham villain Poison Ivy. Their R&D group must be amazing.
Another gladiator arena? With more mind control? Shouldn’t Doctor Mindbender be here? Or why didn’t they just read the comics and throw in Doctor Venom?
Doc (as in - he is a medical doctor)
invented an Energy Mirror. It can absorb, reflect, and redirect energy. That
one is better than Cybertron tech. And he wears asbestos underwear. Doc has
many skills.
The G.I. Joe base is a GINORMOUS
building. I guess it’s not a secret location here.
Flint, Mutt, and Roadblock have built a helicopter out if a crashed fighter plane. That’s Phineas and Ferb level work.
Even ruthless terrorists stop their evil
schemes to go, “Aww a puppy.”
There is a boatload of nameless Generic Joes in this one. You don’t see them too often later on.
Hey Doc, maybe the mirrors would work better in the sky where the energy beam was fired instead of on the ground where they can be pelted by physical objects.
Shipwreck is just hanging out at the Cobra
Cafe. Is it because everyone else in there also looks like members of The Village
People too? Meanwhile, Flint and Mutt (and of course Junkyard) take out the ENTIRE
bar. I wanna know the Cobra piano player’s tale. Shipwreck sounds like
Nicholson. I forgot about that. Howdy and welcome you entertainingly goofy
bastard!!
It is very fortunate Cobra Commander
changed his weather attack to lightning. Since that is actually energy and Doc's mirrors can deal with it.
Flint, Mutt, and Roadblock have built a helicopter out if a crashed fighter plane. That’s Phineas and Ferb level work.
There is a boatload of nameless Generic Joes in this one. You don’t see them too often later on.
Hey Doc, maybe the mirrors would work better in the sky where the energy beam was fired instead of on the ground where they can be pelted by physical objects.
OK, We blew up Cobra’s big weapon in Episode Two. Now
we, what, sit around? No, 'cause there is suddenly crazy weather EVERYWHERE! Another scavenger hunt story to recover the
parts. Sigh
Shipwreck has a sand sailboat. Whatever. Ooh, giant sandstorm, and Mutt is dead. Wait, sorry. The huge and deadly sandstorm only blew him ten feet.
Baroness is going away from Destro with Zartan? Does no one respect a great love story? Why didn’t they just read the comics?
This one is much more parachute heavy when the planes blow up.
Why is Scarlett giving Lady Jaye orders? Why didn’t they just read the comics?.
Shipwreck just joined the most elite military unit there is by asking, "May I come along?” I thought the screening process had more to it.
Roadblock finds Honda Lou West in the back of one of her trucks. She’s basically Dolly Parton as a trucking company owner. Why do they keep throwing in non action figure people?
Nice. The Cobra Rattlers look right this
time. I’m thinking I should have only watched this one.
Spirit! Woo!
Y’know, For Christmas, I make fun of how much they yell, Yo Joe!” and “Cobraaaaaa!”- but it’s near constant.
Ooh, Another giant firefight. Maybe I’ll take a nap.
I guess because these are shorter than a full season they throw EVERYONE and all kinds of equipment in.
Wait, how did the thing fall from space and land inside a pyramid?
Torpedo blew up a whirlpool... with a torpedo. That is all.
Oh Lord, some of Spirit’s Native American wisdom. That’s right, the rivalry in the show is between him (instead of Snake Eyes) and Storm Shadow. Why didn’t they just read the comics?
Look, a giant snake faced robot. There wasn’t even a toy. I kinda respect that decision.
The earthquake has trapped the good guys on a suspended island. Luckily, Trip Wire brought his automatic, extendable monkey bars. My Plateau battle ideas are no stranger than the real thing, folks.
With all the people in this one. It’s weird how little screen time Snake Eyes and Duke get.
Why is the water Storm Shadow and Spirit are trapped in bright green? They’re gonna have health issues. Storm Shadow shows honor. Firefly not so much. At least they got that right.
Zartan's gang is a whole third faction in this.
I don’t remember if he connects more with Cobra as the show goes on.
Shipwreck has a sand sailboat. Whatever. Ooh, giant sandstorm, and Mutt is dead. Wait, sorry. The huge and deadly sandstorm only blew him ten feet.
Baroness is going away from Destro with Zartan? Does no one respect a great love story? Why didn’t they just read the comics?
This one is much more parachute heavy when the planes blow up.
Why is Scarlett giving Lady Jaye orders? Why didn’t they just read the comics?.
Shipwreck just joined the most elite military unit there is by asking, "May I come along?” I thought the screening process had more to it.
Roadblock finds Honda Lou West in the back of one of her trucks. She’s basically Dolly Parton as a trucking company owner. Why do they keep throwing in non action figure people?
Spirit! Woo!
Y’know, For Christmas, I make fun of how much they yell, Yo Joe!” and “Cobraaaaaa!”- but it’s near constant.
Ooh, Another giant firefight. Maybe I’ll take a nap.
I guess because these are shorter than a full season they throw EVERYONE and all kinds of equipment in.
Wait, how did the thing fall from space and land inside a pyramid?
Torpedo blew up a whirlpool... with a torpedo. That is all.
Oh Lord, some of Spirit’s Native American wisdom. That’s right, the rivalry in the show is between him (instead of Snake Eyes) and Storm Shadow. Why didn’t they just read the comics?
Look, a giant snake faced robot. There wasn’t even a toy. I kinda respect that decision.
The earthquake has trapped the good guys on a suspended island. Luckily, Trip Wire brought his automatic, extendable monkey bars. My Plateau battle ideas are no stranger than the real thing, folks.
With all the people in this one. It’s weird how little screen time Snake Eyes and Duke get.
Why is the water Storm Shadow and Spirit are trapped in bright green? They’re gonna have health issues. Storm Shadow shows honor. Firefly not so much. At least they got that right.
The
Dreadnoks scale the frozen cliff, sleeveless. Then put on coats at the top. Also,
they were carrying their motorcycles apparently.
Cobra is going to fight the Joes on a frozen plateau! I wonder If this influenced me subconsciously.
Hey look, some random Crimson Guards… that don’t do anything.
Roadblock is singing the show’s theme while fighting. That is all.
Cobra Commander has decided to use giant
laser snakes to kill his captives (now including Fake Dolly and Roadblock) instead
of, y’know, shooting them. This is in an empty arena.
Meanwhile. On the plateau, both teams have skates and are playing laser rifle hockey. This is even dumber than my ideas. Hey G.I. Joe Arctic team: Perhaps using toboggans instead of your snowmobiles was a bad idea since you knew you wanted to LEAVE after sliding down the tube to get the MacGuffin!
Zartan lives in an abandoned amusement
park. Is his swamp in Gotham? Oh, it’s Florida. That’s just as likely there.
Cobra is going to fight the Joes on a frozen plateau! I wonder If this influenced me subconsciously.
Hey look, some random Crimson Guards… that don’t do anything.
Roadblock is singing the show’s theme while fighting. That is all.
Meanwhile. On the plateau, both teams have skates and are playing laser rifle hockey. This is even dumber than my ideas. Hey G.I. Joe Arctic team: Perhaps using toboggans instead of your snowmobiles was a bad idea since you knew you wanted to LEAVE after sliding down the tube to get the MacGuffin!
We’re reversing the polarity again to stop the laser snakes. And we’re doing it by throwing the civilian trucking lady instead of the ninja.
Oh yeah, the weather is weird everywhere. I keep forgetting the primary plot. There is a lot going on.
Sergeant Flash is not very special when everyone has laser guns.
Storm Shadow breaks into G.I Joe headquarters easily and alone. While less cool than his comic book version, he is way cooler than Snake Eyes here. Why didn’t they just read the comics.
Nice! Short Fuse’s New York accent is marginally less ridiculous.
To face Zartan, Cobra sent an aircraft wing. G.I. Joe sent two guys. This will go well.
Wait.
Correction. G.I. Joe sent two guys who
blow up the power station to disable the killer amusement park. (Are we SURE
this isn’t Gotham?) Now there are way more of them. The Joes had a plan that
actually made sense. I mean… It still didn’t work, but it made sense.
Besides his super powers, Zartan’s shirt glows pink when he’s upset. All right.
Honda Lou is the only one able to find an exit. Maybe everyone joined G.I. Joe like Shipwreck did.
Duke, you had a homing device the whole time that your entire team forgot about AGAIN!?!
The Joes- “Now we know where their GIANT FREAKIN’ SNAKE TEMPLE is."
G.I. Joe at one point had AND LOST ALL THREE MacGuffin parts. That’s embarrassing.
If those Cobra soldiers ever fired when it made sense to fire, this entire story would be five minutes long.
Hey Flint, while you’re leading the Skystriker attack, maybe you should shoot the big turret thing downing your entire air force instead of the walls?
Cobra was stopped with their own giant vines. This is the reverse of every Transformers story.
How is lowering the giant snake temple underground
useful when the Joes already know where It is? 
Holy crap! The entire G.I. Joe team charging
together. That’s insane and impressive!
Destro escapes again. He is very much more the ruler and brains of the Cobra operation here.
Oh yeah, the weather is weird everywhere. I keep forgetting the primary plot. There is a lot going on.
Sergeant Flash is not very special when everyone has laser guns.
Storm Shadow breaks into G.I Joe headquarters easily and alone. While less cool than his comic book version, he is way cooler than Snake Eyes here. Why didn’t they just read the comics.
Nice! Short Fuse’s New York accent is marginally less ridiculous.
To face Zartan, Cobra sent an aircraft wing. G.I. Joe sent two guys. This will go well.
Wait.
Besides his super powers, Zartan’s shirt glows pink when he’s upset. All right.
Honda Lou is the only one able to find an exit. Maybe everyone joined G.I. Joe like Shipwreck did.
Duke, you had a homing device the whole time that your entire team forgot about AGAIN!?!
The Joes- “Now we know where their GIANT FREAKIN’ SNAKE TEMPLE is."
G.I. Joe at one point had AND LOST ALL THREE MacGuffin parts. That’s embarrassing.
If those Cobra soldiers ever fired when it made sense to fire, this entire story would be five minutes long.
Hey Flint, while you’re leading the Skystriker attack, maybe you should shoot the big turret thing downing your entire air force instead of the walls?
Cobra was stopped with their own giant vines. This is the reverse of every Transformers story.
Destro escapes again. He is very much more the ruler and brains of the Cobra operation here.
Oh, please stop hissing Commander.
Guys, even for you, three, “Yo Joe”s in
a row. Is a bit much.
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