Transformers Rewatch Original Season 3B

The Killing Jar

The Quintessons visit Unicron’s head in orbit around now Autobot controlled Cybertron… and no one notices. Why? Because the Autobots still refuse to put alarms on their bases. These are weird techno organic Quintessons with only one face. We need more LORE on these things.
Oh look, more holograms that fool everyone. Using them the Quints set out - and succeed - in capturing both side’s second in command (Ultra Magnus and Cyclonus) plus for reasons unclear, Wreck-Gar. He is watching the “Charlie in the Box” show, for reasons which will also likely remain unclear.

Old man Flint!!!!!!! Woo! Fine, it’s fake to capture Marissa but still, it establishes, in cannon, her connection to the G.I. Joe couple. So, again, Woo!
Oh look, another great Cybertronian prison. This time Wreck-Gar can shoot between the beams to disable them. And for the other captives, it’s another case of bars short circuiting on contact. That’s a design flaw.
Hey guys, maybe abandoning the cockpit while flying through an electron storm is a poor choice?
Marissa is clearly the smartest one of all four factions represented.
Fun! While Wreck-Gar fights the lizard thing, Cyclonus and Ultra Magnus appear to be flirting while engaging in combat with others.
The Quintesson gives a fairly accurate description of what a black hole is. Perhaps he should have talked to the artists before they drew the big purple thing out the window there.
Oh no! Ultra Magnus was sucked into space. Um… That shouldn’t be an issue for him at all, right?
But Cyclonus “saved” him with his tractor beam… followed by way more warrior flirting than anyone needed.
Wait, the blue dot ship looks different to everyone! But it isn’t a mind trick. They’re all just stupid… except Marissa. 
Going through a black hole changes everyone’s color. I did not know about that effect.

Man, the frequency of Cybertronians needing to rip out their own parts to fix non-sentient vehicles is creepy.
Ooh the sexual tension palpable as the Autobot and Decepticon sub-commanders part. 
 
 

Chaos

Weird cackling alien guy!! WOO!
There are an awful lot of non-spherical worlds in this galaxy. Must be all the robotic life forms… or something.
Oh darn, a Combaticon. Ugh. I thought it was Astrotrain.
Kup telling stories! Woo! While he hangs out with Wheelie, Blurr and Grimlock. That’s an odd mix. (Aside from them all first appearing in The Movie, I mean.)
Wreck-Gar is there too, the plot thickens. “A calamity on Goo.” There’s a statement I never thought I’d hear. I guess Galvatron only blew part of it up. Wait, there’s an Earth base on Goo? Be a little selective, guys. 
Autobots travel through space in Sky Lynx now. Sure, he’s a self-centered jerk, but at least he doesn’t blow up after each trip.
Who’s the white cowboy Decepticon? I miss the “roll call” days.
Oh, they found Death Crystals, which tie in to Kup’s earlier story. What a coinkidink. Some LORE here about Kup’s guilty and tragic backstory.
This planet also has space pterodactyls… again. Plus, a kaiju! He looks like a glowing crystal Gabera. Y’know, there is an excessive amount of mining in this franchise. 

Woo! There’s Astrotrain. And the Predacons…again. Who are apparently cassette sized when separate. Why is Predaking so big?
Artists, work on your comparison shots. Giant motorcycle Wreck-Gar looks ridiculous next to Wheelie.
As happens with greater and greater frequency, Grimlock is, once again, stupid but correct.
No one has anything but “pew pew” laser shooters now. How sad. Bring back the Null Ray.
Ah. Predaking grows visibly and substantially after merging. Thank you for that.
Oh no! Their shots have no effect on Predaking! Mostly ‘cause they miss.
If I can’t have Cybertron, I’m going to blow it up! More evidence that there isn’t much difference between Megatron and Galvatron. 
The death crystals that grow on Chaos (the kaiju) can kill it. That’s some wonky evolution.

Kup finishes by telling of his meeting with “Jonah-Gar” being swallowed by a whale. I really need to see the whole Cybertonian version of the Bible now.
 
 

Dark Awakening

Galvatron’s group teams up with the new big foe, the Quintessons, now that the Decepticons are mostly shoddy.

And the new Autobot gang are in an escape pod. There’s Magnus, Kup, Rodimus and Arcee. Sell those toys guys! Plus, they brought Daniel and Spike, because old habits die hard.
Hold on. The Autobots built a city sized tomb for the warriors lost in the movie. Therefore, they could easily bring their bodies back to planet Junk and get them revived.
This tomb has the feature of “one button release” for corpses. That is a design flaw. 

Maybe don’t wander off alone in the giant crypt, Daniel. 
“The Matrix would have told me if he was alive.” (Referring to Optimus Prime) That’s a hint Rodimus. Not the swiftest of leaders are you?
Whoah! They blew those sweeps apart. Maybe they retained their duplication ability since there’s still a boat load around. Once more this proves they were Insecticon clones. I will continue to take no questions.
It’s clear they brought in the Quintessons in as the greater scope villains, yet the Decepticons on their last legs still kick Autobot butt with alarming frequency.
The tomb was built with a fully functional space garage. Handy.
Hey kids, have some evil zombie Optimus Prime for extra post-film scarring.   
“Prepare for an anticipatory snicker of triumph.” Well so much for taking the Quintessons seriously.
The whole tomb blew up! Well, there REALLY goes the hope of rebuilding anyone.
The “Autobot fleet” is one ship and a crapton of Aerialbots?
Wait- I saw the Quintessons blow up their own planet. So… Where are they and how did Autobots find them?
I see a logical flaw in the Quintessons plan here. Evil Zombie Optimus Prime had the Matrix, which they want to destroy because it’s the only thing that can defeat them. But instead of having it hand delivered, they come up with this overcomplicated duplicity scheme to try to blow up all the Autobots with it.

Rodimus is not looking great in this fight, or this story. They blew a huge opportunity to get the kids behind the new leader. Instead, Optimus has to overcome his zombiness on his own and pass The Matrix back. Then less evil zombie Optimus saves the day. That’s poor planning, writers.

Less Evil Zombie Optimus Prime gets completely blown to hell and burned up. You can’t fool me cheesy add on “Return of Optimus Prime” teaser. That wasn’t there the first time this aired, I saw Prime’s skull and it will haunt me forever. Though I will say, Ultra Magnus wearing lipstick while eulogizing him does soften the blow a bit.
 

Surprise Party

We now transition from the darkest to the dopiest episode.
Maybe planning a creepy set up for a surprise party for Daniel the day after all those jump scares in the tomb was a bad idea.
Huh, Galvatron still has cameras all over Cybertron. Probably should’ve taken those out when you moved in, Autobots.
Oh look, it’s the Combaticons again. How did these idiots survive the war.
My bad, Daniel’s party wasn’t on Cybertron. I still have no idea how the Decepticons had a camera there or where it was. It looked like Cybertron. I forgot how many robotic planets there are in Season Three.
Wheelie and Daniel want to secretly find out Ultra Magnus's birthday. Luckily, they can just walk into the archives and go to the storage asteroid. Another example of fantastic Autobot security. Much like the ease the Decepticons steal a garbage truck… on a planet of sentient vehicles. Those rag tag Decepticons still know Autobot schedules and such.
How convenient, Wheelie and Daniel crash landed on an asteroid with air…and flying space leeches, maybe less convenient than I thought. Oh wait, I take that back, as they accidentally crashed where they wanted to go.
Nice timing, now there IS security. But Wheelie is an Autobot, and it doesn’t recognize him, meaning it is still stupid security.
Cyclonus- current greatest military mind of the Decepticons- “You are insolent, Earth boy.”
Daniel – with big brass bearings like his dad- “Thank you.”

Wheelie’s head and his finger both can illuminate. I don’t want to know what other body parts of his are flashlights.
The new Decepticons are still smarter than the new Autobots but much worse in combat.
Time for the first post flirt Cyclonus/ Ultra Magnus showdown!!!! Which is animated pretty much like Rock Em Sock Em Robots, as they are evenly matched. Meanwhile, Wheelie sets off the self-destruct system. Big brass bearings on that one too. Looks like the youth really is their future.

After all that, no one, including Magnus, knows when his birthday is. So they decide it is today. Womp womp.

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