Monday, December 29, 2014

George Awards: How do you Cook Them…

This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”

This is not a post for children.  Kids, take a hike. 
This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language.  Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.
End of Warning.

Hi there folks.  It’s time to continue with our return to the George Awards.  Today we’re going to feature a tribute to a lower weight, but still valuable profanity.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

The Hobbit: A Battle of Fine Awesomes

The final chapter of Peter Jackson’s second visit to Middle Earth is over.
Good thing Star Wars comes back to fill the enormous void it will leave next December.

It’s hard to review this one without retreading things I’ve covered before. 

Monday, December 22, 2014

George Awards: That’s It, One Swing

This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”

This is not a post for children.  Kids, take a hike.
This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language.  Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.
End of Warning.

After a pointless pause of a week, we now return to the top half of the list of George Awards for the use of “the finger” in a motion picture.

Hey, even I need to sleep sometimes.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Christmas Village 2014

To Explore a Strange New Christmas
A Fully Armed and Operational Holiday

The unlikely alliance forged in combat against the Abominable Giant Mutant Alien Clown Penguin has only strengthened over time.  The bonds have grown out of necessity as the pooling of the two teams’ resources to create a vehicle capable of determining the origin of the beast unlocked a terrifying discovery.  When the 50th Anniversary of Hess Trucks G. I. Joe crew plotted back along the fiend’s arrival vector, they discovered a worm hole connecting to myriad other universes.

That’s right; it was an Extra-Dimensional Abominable Giant Mutant Alien Clown Penguin.

Realizing that creature could only be the tip of the iceberg of what could invade our dimension (as in, anything in my house that isn’t nailed down) the Joes and Cobras bonded more tightly together as the only line of defense for their reality.

As we look over the Plateau today, results of initial contact missions through the wormhole are already underway.

Monday, December 15, 2014

George Awards: It’s OK if it Happens to your Finger

This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”

This is not a post for children.  Kids, take a hike.
This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language.  Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.
End of Warning.

Welcome back to the return of the George Awards, reinstated to commemorate the naming of a street in New York after George Carlin.

Today we’ll start the list proper for the Top Ten most interesting, unexpected or otherwise entertaining uses of “The Finger.”

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Bondlets: You Only Live Twice


Using “She’s pretty” leverage from some Toho films, we came back to the world’s greatest spy franchise…and got an uneven response. 

At the end, my daughter stated she only liked the rhyming couplet of the girls, because they were pretty, and the Kitty.  With some prodding on my part, she did remember other things she liked.

Monday, December 8, 2014

George Awards: Symbolic Tribute

This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”

This is not a post for children.  Kids, take a hike. 
This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language.  Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.
End of Warning.

It’s time to bring back the George Awards!

The reason for this momentous return is last month New York City honored its native son by naming the street in Morningside Heights next to the perfect location for it after him.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Six Big, and Properly Done Heroes

No spoilers today.

I usually don’t bother with direct reviews of Disney animated films.  This is because my genetic disposition to the awesomeness of all things Disney could possibly strain the credibility of anything I had to say.

However, I realize when it comes to adaptations of comic book superhero properties; there are at least a hand full of readers basing their decision of what to see based on  my input.

Pardon me while I bask in the illusion of power.



Monday, December 1, 2014

Shuffled Up the Lake Song

This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”

This is not a post for children.  Kids, take a hike. 
This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language.  Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.
End of Warning.

The previously posted Up the Lake song, was requested after this one was seen. 

Yes, my filing system needs work.

Anyway, it seems appropriate to post this one now to commemorate the birth of the namesake and Great Granddaughter of Johanna – the record holder for the youngest baby brought Up the Lake, and probably the first baby ever brought Up the Lake Eighty Five Summers ago.

She popularized the word “Iffy” describing an in progress poker hand.  Her inflection made it abundantly clear why there are two “F’s” in that word.

She’s also the person I learned the lyrics to, “The First Marine he Ate the Beans, Par Le Vous”
from, as well as many similar useful period words, phrases and poems.

She may be gone, but her legacy will last forever.

Fold Your Tent
(Parody of “If You’re Happy and you Know It”
No, there’s no music this time. Like you really need it.)

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Godzilla Through a Kid’s Eyes – Millennium

By this point, after watching so many Kaiju films, my daughter was in full Mystery Science Theater 3000 mode.

Here are the highlights.

Monday, November 24, 2014

The one, the only(ish) …Groucho!

I may have hammered home the fact that I’ve been a Marx Brother’s fan for most of my life.

In that effort, I may have missed mentioning, that due to an interest in the comedy writing process (for some reason) and because of a fascination about the life required to stay on the circuit, I have a large collection of Vaudeville era comedians’ biographies and autobiographies. 

The combination of the above two sentences should make it obvious that a significant portion of those books are about Groucho Marx and his brothers.

While their movies are fantastic, there’s a sense from the writings that there was an extra magic to the live performances that film couldn’t capture.

This fascination drew me directly to the 2001 PBS television airing of Groucho: A Life in Revue.  I was truly impressed, both by its content, and the ability of its star to accurately portray Julius H. Marx at four different ages.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Godzilla Through a Kid’s Eyes – Heisei

Now it’s time for a child’s views of the more serious and adult (sorta) Heisei series of Godzilla films.  Since I’ve already posted far too much about the King of Monsters, we’ll stick to some reaction quotes on these.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Walt Disney World 2013 Index

Hey there, in celebration of my 400th post, I'm cheesing out and doing another index to make it easier to link this trip together...and of course be a bit lazy for this auspicious number.

This is also the index for ALL Disney Trips, scroll to the bottom for all the links, please.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Walt Disney World 2013: Day 11 –End of the Trip Frown, and I Go Upside Down

Disney 2013 Trip Index

We roused ourselves on the final morning to find the boarding passes hanging on the outside handle of the room door. This meant, aside from getting to see the giant Lady and the Tramp when the distraction caused me to get lost, all of the previous night’s check in fiddling had been a waste.

Demonstrating our clear skill and experience as travelers, the first suitcase came in at forty-one pounds, well under the fifty pound maximum.

Demonstrating our still being us, the second one weighed sixty-three.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Godzilla Through a Kid’s Eyes – Showa Part 1

My plan worked and my goofy descriptions of the Godzilla films I’ve loved my entire life enticed my daughter into wanting to see them.

The result of this bit of sneakiness led me to watch the full spread of twenty-eight classic appearances of the King of Monsters (plus some bonus ones of his friends, and his cousin Earl) TWICE in six months.

Ah, the hidden wonders of parenthood.

I probably should (again) mention the patience of my wife – who, while she enjoys them, is extraordinarily glad she only had to sit through them once.

With that much Kaiju permeating my very soul, I couldn’t very well let the actual November 3rd Fiftieth Anniversary date get too far past without acknowledgement.

However, I think one thing everyone involved can agree upon is that I’ve talked FAR too much about Godzilla this year.

Therefore, here are some extremely short and general impressions my daughter passed along while joining me in yet another of my long standing fandoms.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Walt Disney World 2013: Day 10 – Nice Kingdom Farewells but Shopping Worse, Because I’d Battled an Improper Curse

On the last full day of the trip, we returned to awakening at Stupid O’clock in the morning for an early reservation.  Anabelle became popular with the breakfast reservations crowd when her request for Transportation Cards led the driver to hand them out to all the kids on the bus.

We split from the Castle and Crystal Palace meal goers at the Magic Kingdom and hopped on the monorail with other hotel breakfasters. We made our return arrival at the entrance of 1900 Park Fair in the Grand Floridian before the 8AM opening. 

Wow! We were finally getting good at this.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Not as Vast a Wasteland as it's Been

This isn’t my usual monster Halloween post, (meaning the subject matter, not the length. Yes I do know I tend to ramble, make asides and parenthesize excessively…like now!)
But I figure enough of these shows are costume based that it can count.

My current production television watching has been shrinking the older I get.  I have almost no patience for most of what’s on now, and I usually stick to viewing movies and box sets of old shows.  However, this year I find myself with an above average slate of recorded stuff to catch up on each week.

Annoyingly, every single one of them is on Monday or Tuesday night, requiring some DVR programming gymnastics.

This not counting Doctor Who, of course, which retains its traditional Saturday night spot.

Doctor Who isn’t really a television show for me, though.  It’s more of a lifestyle choice.

Wanna bet the phrase: "Clara Oswald has never existed," is another Moffat red herring, and she's only complaining about always being, "the impossible girl" or "souffle girl"?

Although, in the 2015 Special Edition Doctor Who calendar, every month features that number Doctor with one of his enemies behind him smaller and in black and white (Dalek, Yeti, Davros, Slitheen...etc) except for Capaldi who has a black and white Clara in that position.  Maybe the calendar is foreshadowing a major twist?

Holey Moley! 
This season has had a large amount of excessively strange and ridiculous occurrences (even for everyone's favorite Timelord)
Space Train
Moon Hatch
Defender Trees

I'm starting to think this whole season may be some Madame Kovarianish, Dream Lordesque, everything's happening in the Doctor's head, mind screw.

Sorry, I'm back now.
Here’s this seasons reviews in no particular order:

Sit Coms


Monday, October 27, 2014

Walt Disney World Day 9: Another Time ‘Round World Showcase, Maintaining This Trip’s Crazy Pace

The day greeted us with Pinocchio on the page a day Disney calendar. I’d make some comment about how significant that was based on the night before, but then again, it’s pretty hard to have a Disney image show up that doesn’t have significance to our family.

As usual, the TV was on while we got ready to let us hear Stacy, the Ultra Happy Disney Immortal be snarky about how FastPass was included with park admission.

We got to see the Phineas and Ferb Mission Marvel painted bus while waiting for our return to EPCOT.  I’m not sure if anyone got to ride it. There may have been some issues with the hero licensing from Universal. Maybe it just had to drive around empty.

We usually clump the EPCOT visits on trips, even when they aren’t as compartmented as this one was.  The place contains such vast spaces and locations; it makes it feel like one long cohesive visit if the days there are in close proximity

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Seasonal Thoughts

Yes, another autumn is here.

The time of year when the trees become a grand kaleidoscope of scintillating colors…

for about a day and a half prior to a massive and complete shift to variations of turd brown followed by them covering the world in a blanket of rotting decay.

I hate fall.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Walt Disney World 2013: Day 8 – Training on Jedi Toys and Dancing with Wooden Boys

Disney 2013 Trip Index

The day started similarly to the ending of the previous day with a request for Transportation Cards from a bus driver, albeit a more successful one.  The destination of the day was the same park we began the trip at a week previously – MGM, as I shall continue to call it.  The return added extra fun to playing the “A week ago in Disney we were…” head game while still IN Disney World.

I noticed evidence of Disney’s valuing proper setting and atmosphere above short cuts as we ran through the park.  To keep in the spirit of 1930’s Hollywood, the master wait times sign was still a manually updated chalkboard.  There are probably multiple ways they could have worked a look alike digital version, but they chose authenticity yet again.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Short Treks: Intro/Index

Welcome to a new feature here at Dog Food For Chairs.

OK, me rambling on about a geeky show isn't all that new, but the organization of it will be.

I was originally going to call these “Treklets,” but unlike Bondlets, there’s no input from my daughter.

She’d seen all the episodes well before I started this and her general reactions have been documented.

No, these are some short thoughts and hopefully (possibly…marginally?) interesting notations, as I watch Star Trek (yet again) while exercising.  The reason for this whole foolishness comes down to my loss of the ability to watch anything without taking notes.

The episodes are listed (and were watched) in order aired, not order produced.  This provides the perspective viewers would have gotten when they were first shown.  In some cases this may be contrary to the original intent.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Disney World 2013: Day 7 - EPCOT’s World Food Tasted, and FastPasses Wasted

Although we were near dead the night before, the first day of EPCOT on our park clumped vacation inspired another early rising.  It was a little slow getting everything together after plopping and dropping.  We made a bus that got us there shortly after park opening.  The driver was out of the transportation cards but had reams of stickers, like everyone else.   I started to wonder if one could swim in little round Disney adhesives. 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

It’s a Helluva Town!

We continued our annual tradition started two years before, but skipped the previous year to go to Disney World

I believe I may have lost some folks on that one.

Let me try again:
We took Anabelle to her second Broadway show for her birthday.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Disney World 2013: Day 6 - A Plan to Finally Get Some Rest, is Dropped for Dancing and Everest

The collapse ended.

Based on a newfound love of a roller coaster, and Dinosaur being shut down on Wednesday, we awoke much earlier than initially planned. It was well before “We can sleep late on this day,” but a little later than our normal, “Get there when the park opens,” time.

We were, yet again, personally welcomed to a park by music.  Animal Kingdom was playing “The Bear Necessities” once more followed by “The Circle of Life” when we entered.  They know us well.

Thursday, October 2, 2014


I met my wife during lunch hour from work at our lawyer’s office to sign away our souls for some home financing stuff.

Afterwards we stopped for lunch at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

We picked that location because we wanted to eat chicken.

This becomes important shortly.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Disney World 2013: Day 5 - Same Park Again to See that Buzz Fella, Before another Dinner with Cinderella

We hit our stride and the efficiencies and decisions in the second day in the Magic Kingdom made up for the multiple “wait for nothing” events of the day before.  The learning also came from past trips. When we reached the bus stop, and were munching on various bars, we realized we left the little white towel usually kept in the backpack behind.  When I rushed back to the room to grab it, I didn’t run past the pool at top speed and therefore didn’t slip, go flying and nearly kill myself like on the last visit.

Entering the Magic Kingdom the very next morning after spending fifteen hours in it the previous day, amazingly in no way decreased the magic or excitement.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Bondlets: Thunderball


When I watched all the Bond films in order crystal clear patterns emerged on how they swung away from what didn’t work, and tried to build on and expand what did.  It was also obvious that sometimes they over shot the mark and over blew what had been well received into something they desperately needed to swing away from.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Walt Disney World 2013: Day 4 - Finally Hit our Favorite Park, Featuring a Special Belle Bookmark

Greater efficiency was the rule of the morning.

Instead of trying to eat a civilized breakfast in the room, we stuffed handfuls of cereal into ourselves, and brought granola and power bars to eat waiting for the bus.  We also dropped one water bottle from our travelling pack.  We started the trip with a bottle each, the same colors as our Magic Bands.  Of course we didn’t match up which color band matched whose bottle, probably confusing anyone who bothered to notice.  What I noticed pretty quickly, though, was spending most of the day carrying around an empty bottle, and drinking it as soon as I filled it when topping off my family’s supply.  The backpack only had pockets for two bottles, cementing my decision to fill all three bottles in the room, but carry my water supply internally.  Then I’d leave my bottle behind and refill myself along with their bottles at various water fountains.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Beneath the Planet of the Apes Through a Kid’s Eyes

My daughter certainly didn’t find the happy ending she was looking for at the end of the first film in the second installment.

In fact, even though she complained about having to see the sad part from the original’s finale again, it was one of the happier moments watching the 1970 sequel.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Walt Disney World 2013: Day 3 - A Fountain View and a Mountain New

The title of the day after Universal does not refer to the Fountain View reopening in EPCOT on this date as a Starbucks; we’d be there often enough later on this trip.

In spite of another early wake up time, we all breathed one more well-established McGinley Disney Sigh of happiness at our first full day on the home turf. We got ready to the sounds of what we thought was the new non-Stacey full Disney World Tour channel, but it turned out to be a short loop only about Downtown Disney.  Its lack of Stacyness doomed it to never be watched again.

Dumping some cereal into ourselves, we loaded up and went out to meet our first Extra Magic Hours bus.  The Animal Kingdom early crowd was far different from the Magic Kingdom travelers at the same time. There were only a couple of kids on the bus, and none of them in costumes.  I guess it’s a more mature bunch that wakes up early to visit zoological exhibits in Disney World…and us.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Litany of Godzilla Index

An easy way to get around my obsessively over long Kaiju writing...

and perhaps get me some sleep.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Walt Disney World 2013: Day 2 – Leaving Disney Resorts to Visit Hogwarts

We were told before our first day that the morning traffic could cause the trip to Universal to take well over an hour. This prompted a groggy arising in order to make the 7:25AM Mears shuttle and leave Disney property voluntarily for the first time in my life on a vacation.  We were hoping to arrive around the time of park opening.  After stumbling our way through various cereals in the room for breakfast I ran toward the “Leaving the Hotel” bus area, because the Mears operator stressed the urgency of being on time, and I planned to stall the driver while Rosa and Anabelle hurried along behind me. 

The bus showed up ten minutes late, and we sleepily climbed in. We would have liked to recline our seats to rest during the drive, but couldn’t due to the large family behind us.

There weren’t very many of them, they were the other kind of large.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Musical Lunacy By Request

To mark the end of yet another season Up the Lake, here’s a song parody of Dean Martin’s signature tune back in 2004.  Linda Degl said I should do a song about always losing if you win the first hand after seeing one on a similar topic.

Didn’t realize my particular brand of insanity works by request.

Monday, September 1, 2014

Walt Disney World 2013: Day 1 - Thundershower in the Tower

As per usual for our vacations, we arose the first day at Stupid O’clock in the morning.  Due to the sheer amount of amazing opportunities provided by Disney World, we would sleep only slightly later for the duration of the trip, getting up between Silly O’clock and Ridiculous O’clock.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

New Who Views: Everything Old is Who Again

Well, well.

This is an interesting turn of events.

The Doctor is older than I am again.  YAY!

In fact, this Doctor’s actor is as old as any Doctor has ever been at the start of his run.

Although due to medical advancements, (and partially by design) Peter Capalidi’s current fifty-five appears quite a bit younger than William Hartnell’s did in 1963, it is one heck of a jump up from Matt Smith.

With a new Doctor, I feel like I should say a few words about it.

Monday, August 25, 2014

The Litany of Godzilla: Parting Remarks

Click here to go back to the last hurrah.


That was quite a bit longer than initially intended.

I had written paragraph long summaries of the Heisei and Millennium series years ago for some interested friends.  I figured I would watch the Showa Series to jar my memory and end up with four MAAAAAYBE five posts total when all was said and done (and watched). 

Yes, I know, once again I forgot how much I liked something, and turned a cute idea into an insanely long project.

I’m sure everyone has their shocked face on.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Bondlets: Goldfinger


THE Bond movie:
The point where it all came together:
The film the others all try to recapture the magic of:

Monday, August 18, 2014

The Litany of Godzilla: Millennium Series Part Five – Ending Awesomely

Godzilla: Final Wars

Short version:  Every actor, Kaiju, reference and situation Toho could get their hands on - thrown in a blender set for Crazy Awesome as a Fiftieth Anniversary Extravaganza.

Long Version: Read on…

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Jeff’s Books to Open Your Mind: Illuminatus Trilogy

At all different ages, I’ve hunted down books to open my mind.

In all that time, only one cracked it. 

I read the book for the first time on a break from college, and scared the hell out of my parents because it left me wandering the house in a daze for most of the vacation.

Monday, August 11, 2014

The Litany of Godzilla: Millennium Series Part Four – Returning Mothness

Click here for Millennium Mechagodzilla Part One; you’ll need it to keep up.

Godzilla × Mothra × Mechagodzilla: Tokyo SOS

It’s a direct sequel to the previous entry but has an extremely limited amount of the human original cast returning, just like the good old days.  Mechagodzilla’s diagnostics are running, indicating he still uses Godzilla DNA. Interestingly, he also has a heartbeat. 
Hey, what could go wrong?

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Who Needs Icons When You've Got a Talking Raccoon with a Machine Gun?

All along, the Marvel Films have been referring to themselves as being in “The Marvel Universe.”

However, that’s been a bit of an exaggeration. Though there have some Asgardian bits thrown in from the Thor side, it’s been an excessively Earth centric set of tales…

Until Now.

Monday, August 4, 2014

The Litany of Godzilla: Millennium Series Part Three – Augmenting Skeletons

Click Here to go back to the really strange one.

Godzilla × Mechagodzilla
(AKA Godzilla against Mechagodzilla)

It’s 1999 and Pointy Godzilla rises up behind an extremely surprised weather man during a typhoon.  Someone on screen finally calls out the fact that this stuff always happens when it’s raining.  The “Anti-Megalosaur Squad” is called up.  They’ve got a mess of conventional weapons, which still don’t work, They also have the trusty Laser Tanks.  Somewhere along the way somebody realized they don’t look anything like lasers and have redubbed them “Masers.”  Perhaps this is a contraction of “Might not Be Lasers.”

The Masers succeed in knocking down a small forest, but don’t do much against Godzilla either.  Army Babe hits him square in the face, which does do something. It really pisses him off. 

Monday, July 28, 2014

The Litany of Godzilla: Millennium Series Part Two – Ignoring Everything

Click here to go back to slightly less weirdness.

Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack

Commander McAwesome of the navy gives a briefing to let everyone know the Continuity Du Jour.  Godzilla attacked Tokyo in 1954 (as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be) and then went away.  There’s concern of a return as other monsters have started to appear.  Those foolish Americans thought the first one a few years ago in New York was Godzilla, but Japan knows they’re mistaken.

There’s also a report that an American submarine has gone missing.  The Japanese research sub Satsuma finds the wreckage, and sees some big, familiar looking dorsal plates sneaking away from the scene of the crime.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Archie Gets Mature

I was busy dealing with some other weird comic book news last week, which caused me to miss chiming in about “The Death of Archie.”

That’s not too much of a big deal, because there isn’t much to say.

My wife is the Archie expert in the family, having a couple short boxes in the comic room, a few thousand page specials laying about her reading piles, and several giant bins full of digests in the attic.

It didn’t affect her because the death happened in an alternate universe she wasn’t following.

Monday, July 21, 2014

The Litany of Godzilla: Millennium Series Part One – ReReintroducing Kaiju

With the return of control to Toho following some mistakes, each film acknowledges the original 1954 Gojira and ignores all of the rest…

Except for when they don’t.

Many of these will get their own posts. It isn’t because they’re as good as other ones that were singled out.  It’s simply because the crazy-awesome meter got pushed so far to the crazy side, it takes longer to explain everything.

It started off with the First Toho Godzilla flick to get a US Theatrical release since 1985.

Godzilla 2000: Millennium

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Do Not Get Thy Asgardian Knickers in a Twist!

Marvel has announced, on The View no less, a new Thor series starting in October where Thor will be a woman.

They make sure to state that this isn’t some kind of derivative Thor-Girl, but the REAL Thor.

Of course (mostly male) comic fans all across the internet are having a giant spaz about this.