A Different Kind of Frozen Parody

Disney certainly outdid itself with Frozen.   It certainly deserves all the praise, awards, and box office bucks it generated.  The story, the animation, the music were all above and beyond what they’ve done recently.

                      

And that’s coming from someone who thinks what they’ve done recently was awesome.

The popularity of “Let it Go” has, justifiably given Idina Menzel’s performance of the impressive and empowering song, managed to outmatch even that of the film itself.  This despite the fact that (or perhaps because) along with building a castle and a sparkly wardrobe, Elsa appears to also build herself a new bust line mid song.

Yes, I have been informed by those who know more about women’s fashions than I (translation: everyone) that the two dresses she wears in the song would require vastly different undergarments which may be responsible for that effect.

I’m sticking with my original idea  though, because while the thought of an ice brassiere is humorous, it is nowhere near as funny as bazoomcicles. 

During the near infinite shoveling and scraping days, I found myself often singing “No More Snow” to the tune of that fantastic number. (Along with the occasional demented howling of "In Summer.") 

I was going to write it down, but two things prevented me.

1) A ZILLION other people have already done snow and cold themed parodies to the Ice Queen’s song. Even the ones that were lame had a better technical presentation that I could whip up, and  the traffic guy's was particularly awesome.

More importantly:

2)  After this winter, I can’t find ANYTHING remotely entertaining about snow and ice anymore.

Seriously, it got so that hearing the opening line of "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" would generate an uncontrolled, rabid, "NO!" from deep within me.

I had given up completely when the song came on the playlist during a particularly stressful patch of road on the way back from Atlantic City. These lyrics squirted out of me when I went running into whatever store I forced us to stop at.

Here’s the music for those of you who’ve been in a hole for the last couple months.

"Gotta Go"

Headlights shine bright on the parkway tonight,
Not a rest stop to be seen.
Been drinkin’ a lot of soda,
‘Cause I needed the caffeine.

There’s too much bubbling, tummy’s swirling round inside.
Guess I had too much, heaven help this ride.

I must be safe, stay calm don’t freak,
But oh good God, I need to take a leak.
Grip wheel, and peel, I can’t go slow.
Or I may bloooow!

Gotta go, gotta go
Can’t hold it in anymore
Gotta go, gotta go
Hope I don’t mess up the floor

There’s a sign!
What’s that it does say?
Next stop for-ty miiiles,
I hope there's alternatives on the way.

I used to drive long distance,
It was such a piece of cake.
But now that my body’s older
Feels like I imbibed a lake.

Some traffic cones, I’ll crash in to,
To keep on moving and get through.
Swerve right, look left, no place for meeee...
To peeeeeeeee!

Gotta go, gotta go
I think I’m gonna start to cry!
Gotta go, gotta go
Such pressure at my fly!

Exit’s closed
I guess I’m hosed
Wish this pain was gooooone.

Construction signs tell me I have to turn around
I hop the median to make sure I won’t lose much ground.
My bladder threatens to release a mighty blast.

I panic and look back,
Was that a cop I passed?

Gotta go, Gotta go
I hear a siren and a horn,
Gotta go, gotta go
Stops my car with gun drawn.

Makes me stand.
Takes my keys away.
Slaps the hand-cuffs oooooooon,
I didn't like these underwear anyway.