500 Post Odyssey

Made it to the big FIVE HUNDREDTH POST!!!!!!!!

Bah, sleep is for the weak.

For past anniversaries, I've used the occasion to start a new topic, or provide an index to an adventure.

That would have been a fantastic idea...

But I can't count..

Since the first Peru Trip for our family index went up last week, I'll turn to another tried and true method for being lazy:

Turning the reins over to my daughter.

They're reading the "Middle School" version of the Odyssey called Ulysses and were assigned to come up with another adventure for it's hero.  


And here it is!

The Sharmen

          Ulysses slept. It was the first time he had slept in days. He had just left Calypso’s Island and was in the middle of the dark sea. Suddenly, his small raft overturned, a hand grabbed Ulysses, and yanked him down into the black depths of the water.

         
 It was a Siren.

          The Siren pulled Ulysses down, down, down into the deep, black sea. It was then he realized that the Siren was not singing. Ulysses looked closer and saw that her mouth was stitched up. The Siren took a rock and wrote in the sand what Ulysses presumed to be her name: Shelice. Shelice took Ulysses into an underwater castle, where a mermaid queen sat on an oyster throne.

“Thank you, Shelice. You are dismissed. As for you, stranger, I have brought you here to help us,” The queen said. Her name was Penelope. The same name as Ulysses’s wife. He became very weary, but was forced to go down to Shelice’s chamber to learn about the enemy.

They are called Sharmen. They are just like us, but have shark tails. They are trying to invade us because their king loves the mermaid Aria, but we will not give her to such foolish men. Shelice wrote this in the sand.

“Why do you hate the Sharmen so much?” Ulysses asked.

We used to get along so well, living in harmony. But one day, a Sharman named Helemus took the throne and waged war on us for the thrill. He was not a king, only a foolish servant who sought more in life.

“Then why have you brought me here?” Ulysses inquired.

Penelope sent me scouting around to find a strong sailor who can help us gain victory over the Sharmen. Without you, our nation will perish. Please help us, stranger.

“Come now, we have no time to waste!” With a flick of the wrist, Ulysses was outside of the palace walls, breathing under water. This was a gift from Shelice, to help him on his journey. He swam to the nearby Sharmen Kingdom and snuck into the palace. Helemus was eating cooked clams, sucking them up, one by one.

“And you are…?” asked Helemus. His low, booming voice echoed throughout the great hall.

“I am Ulysses. Stranger to you, God among men on land,” Ulysses responded.

“I know… who you are…warrior,” Helemus responded. “If it is war you want…that is what you will get.” 

Helemus had an odd way of speaking that scared everyone, even the bravest of men.

Ulysses knew he had to defeat Helemus, for both Penelope of the sea, and Penelope of Ithaca. So, he stepped up to the throne with his spear, and slashed through Helemus’s rough shark tail. Helemus yelled, which, with his loud voice, was enough to bring down the roof. A servant came and bound him in kelp to stop the bleeding.

Helemus went into the next room and came out with a large rock, heavy enough to crush Ulysses. However, Shelice swam in to the palace to check on Ulysses, and the rock caught her eye. She pushed Ulysses away from it. Alas, she was not fast enough to get out of the way herself. The pointed edge cut off her stitches, and her first words in centuries were her last.

“Stranger, goodbye.” She sang a beautiful Siren song and vanished into glitter.

In his rage, Ulysses hurled his spear at Helemus, and killed him.

Penelope was very grateful, and to show thanks, she made Ulysses’s ship more stable, and returned him to the cold, black middle of the cold, black sea.



Of course her writing at all, but especially about mythology gets a giant-

THAT'S MY GIRL! 

from me.

However, there's one minor kink.


When she first told me about this tale, I suggested she put in a bit where Helemus gives Ulysses a chance to select non-lethal wrestling combat instead of all out war.  

Ulysses, being a seasoned sailor would refuse, knowing the dermal denticles on his opponent's skin would likely cause him to bleed out and drown. This is due to his memory of the old adage of the sea:

"Don't squeeze the Sharmen."

I pleaded, I begged, I groveled for her to slip a joke that maybe only her teacher would be old enough to get, but she flat out refused stating it would ruin the tone of the piece.

She protected a serious written mood at the expense of a lame pun...

WHERE DID I GO WRONG?