Transformers Rewatch Original Season 1B

         S.O.S Dinobots

Wheeljack and Ratchet (Ambulance Minivan) create sentient life. No one is phased or even bats an electronic eye at this. Is that. Normal? Is that how Cybertronian reproduction works?  (Later on we will learn the answer is a resounding "NO")
“Ooh. Dinosaurs are cool, let’s make some!”
Spike teaches them about dinosaurs, because where else could they get the information?
Pre-internet story telling tends to have odd sources of knowledge.
Finally, some civilians in normal clothes.
Oh, everyone helps to build these new sentient beings, just a normal Tuesday.
Speaking of unbelievable building, the Deceptions crafted a giant underwater base from a crashed rocket they built out of random broken bits. (And there’s a later reveal meaning, I have no idea where they got the broken bits they built the rocket out of.)
The Dinobots are alive. (Grimlock- Tyrannosaur, Slag- Triceratops, Sludge- Brontosaur) 

They immediately rampage.  

Well done everyone. Oh dang, they blew up Teletran-One. Quick call Chip!
After that stellar start, Optimus orders sealing the newly sentient (if stupid) beings in a cave. So much for “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.”
The team is rushing off to fight the Decepticons, but “Not you Bumblebee.” Meanwhile, they bring Spike.
Instead of fixing Teletran-One as assigned, Wheeljack and Ratchet are making the Dinobots smarter. The breakdown of discipline in the Autobot ranks is constant.
The Autobots fall in a river, and it drains all their power. One assumes they had waterproofing work done for later episodes. 

Dinobots to the rescue! And they can fly! So… why don’t they upgrade the rest of the Autobots to do that?
Two important take aways:
A) Deception insult. –“You’re too slow, rusty pants.”
B) Wheeljack has a “Make robots nauseous” ray. 
 
 

Fire on the Mountain

With the number of times Deceptions attack the same factory, you’d think they’d armor it.  

“Aw hexagonal nuts.” Good one Trailbreaker. (capped import pick up truck)
Ah, the mysteries of a Peruvian pyramid, of course. This is straight up Machu Picchu but with a Mexican pyramid on it. 
Oh Lord, the crappy accents on the natives.
Ooh. Jetfire, excuse me Skyfire, is back. I guess his story is less tragic than we thought. They must have saved him for transport purposes.
Also, Autobot hand-to-hand combat has improved. However, they sent the two smallest Autobots, Bumblebee and Cliffjumper, who can’t take on Megatron... Like, at all. 
Hey! It turns out Skyfire CAN fit a boat load more Autobots inside. (Yes, and Spike.) Why did he only bring the two little guys the first time? 

Ah, Spike is there for a reason. It is that he may be present when Bumblebee saves the cute, Peruvian, teen girl. 
Cybertronian armor comes in many varieties, big old Skyfire gets taken down with one shot, meanwhile Megatron shrugs off a blast with his own fusion cannon. (That, if I remember correctly, shoots “miniature black holes.” Not sure how you get more miniature than a singularity, but whatever.)
Meanwhile, over in the melee Bumblebee gets taken out by a cassette (Ravage- the panther) again, but tough guys Ironhide (Minivan) and Brawn (Land Rovery/ Jeepish 4x4) are really kicking butt.  
Prime beats the snot out of Megatron in one on one combat surprisingly often in the early stories. 

Spike is totally smitten with the Peruvian lady. I've been there, kid.
Oh, she wants Bumblebee to meet Juanita the convertible. Way to make it weird.
 
 

War of the Dinobots

Chip is working in an observatory now. Either he’s a highly industrious lad, or, more likely, a high-priced consultant.
Hey, we gotta go stop a meteor, better bring Spike!
Due to his vast intelligence and superior surveillance skills, Soundwave learns the Dinobot weak spots: They’re really stupid. 
Excellent work there, Soundwave.
Spike and Chip almost die, again. 

Meanwhile, back at the Ark, “We almost all died last time, so, hey! let’s create more new life. We’ll ask Chip this time, maybe our whole base won’t blow up.”
Whoah, Megatron got hit by all three Dinobots’ weapons and doesn’t flinch. He’s really made of the good stuff. No wonder they end up respecting him. Optimus is no slouch either. Holding back, he can take them all for a while. Both leaders must be made of extra strength materials.
OK, again, why can all the Dinobots fly? Swoop (Pteranodon) makes some sense but not the others. 

Wait, now why is Swoop carrying Snarl (Stegosaurus), who- as I just mentioned- can fly? 

Maybe Swoop, being a pterodactyl, is faster in robot mode?

Or maybe the writers, being pressed for time, did not care?
 
 

The Ultimate Doom 1-3

Ah, one of the early, key storylines.
They’re talking about the benefits of solar power. This show was ahead of its time…
Except that the Maharaja is white. 
We meet Starscream’s ally Doctor Arkevil, with his subtle name. He’s Shaggy turned evil. Casey Kasem is all over these early episodes. He’s Cliffjumper and Teletran-One too.
The Decepticons' plan is goofy as usual. They need to capture Sparkplug and used Doctor Arkevil’s “Doctor Mindbender” like mind control specifically to enter the Ark, which has no door. They could have gotten anyone.
Wait, how is Arkevill seeing the whole inside of the Ark on his screen? Couldn’t he have done what he’s getting Sparkplug to do when he installed that camera?
Wait again! The day is saved! Because fire retardant foam permanently damages Decepticons. Optimus, maybe we should get someone to write that down.
Megatron’s big plan is to pull Cybertron right next to the Earth. Amazingly, how they handled this story idea in a live action blockbuster film in 2017 was far dumber than in these Eighties cartoon episodes.
Everyone the Decepticons have captured for mind control dresses like Sparkplug. Workers of the world unite!
Optimus needs to work on his Benefit Risk review skills. He won’t harm thirty guys to save the Earth but will blow up the earth to save Cybertron. Maybe he just realized humans suck.
I’d like to apologize for all the times I have (and will) call the Autobots morons, as Thundercracker (Seeker) just fired a flame thrower while flying against the wind. Maybe the fire-retardant foam damaged his brain.
What? Bumblebee got a flat and has to wait for Spike to change it. There is SO MUCH wrong with that. 

Woo Dinobots! Prime admits they’re tougher than anyone. He’s not wrong.
Also - Skyfire! Completely out of nowhere.
More saving the day when Ironhide stops a volcano with laser blasts, not his liquid nitrogen. We’ve reached "pew pew" battles now.
I know he’s your Dad, but maybe you can figure out the mind control by grabbing one of the large number of enslaved humans on Earth instead of running off to Cybertron again, Spike. Oh, he’ll be fine. Cyberton has ventilator shafts.

I need to point out that Skyfire is STUPID BIG in robot form. (Except occasionally when he's not, but I'm not mentioning art errors.) It’s nice to see some conservation of size.
Good thing they brought Brawn, that little dude is tougher than EVERYONE.
Skyfire is getting dumber per episode. Weren’t you a scientist?
Hey, a rare bit of recognition that there are still a crapload of Decepticons living on Cybertron. You’d think the Autobots would know this.
The Autobots travel across the ocean by surfing, ‘cause they have hydroplanes… or something.

Doctor Arkevil wants to extend his alliance with Starscream.  Well, so much for him, then.  
Awwww, reunited father and son. In a giant firefight. Maybe hug later guys.
“You never quit on the people you love” And “Its mushy but true.” We love ya Brawn. 
Wait, Megatron can aim and shoot hovering on his own in pistol form? Why does Soundwave or Starscream have to fire him all the time? We all like being held Megatron.

Optimus knocks Cybertron back across the galaxy by blowing up Megatron and his ship full of energy as it leaves Earth. That was a highly directional blast there Optimus.

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