This
post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that
“will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God
help us, peace without honor.”
This
is not a post for children. Kids, take a hike.
This
is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of
language. Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before
moral outrage can kick in.
Just
about everything else on this blog is clean…Stupid sometimes, but clean.
End
of Warning.
It
is time for the George Awards to address what must have been immediately
noticed by fans of cinematic Dick Jokes and Funny Sex Scenes as an egregious
omission.
I
realized as soon as I started the barest seeds of the ideas for this year’s
awards lists, that Mel Brooks’s films would easily dominate, if not completely
fill both of them.
Therefore
it’s time to bestow a second Lifetime Achievement George Award upon Mel Brooks,
as we review applicable comedy highlight (or filthy lowlight- to those with a
less developed sense of fun) moments throughout his works.
With
Mel, sometimes it the situation, sometimes it’s the reaction…and often it’s the
whole package of foolishness.
1968-
The Producers
Or
the exchange between Mostel and Winwood in between the Wilder moments:
Hold Me- “And after
that we'll play the abduction and cruel rape of Lucretia
... And I'll play
Lucretia.”
Zero- “And I’ll be
rape.”
1970
The Twelve Chairs
Much
calmer than most of Brooks’s later outings, but there is the character defining
introduction of charming conman Ostap Bender played by Frank Langella. What begins as some mutual ravishing between
him and a previously alone at home wife, quickly transforms into a tirade
against her befuddled husband (and a proto-CPR lesson) for allowing her to over
work herself into a faint.
1974
Blazing Saddles
This
is where the man hits his stride, aided by the equally beautiful, musical, and
comedic Madeline Kahn for the first of many instances in this list.
In
her role as the Teutonic Titwillow, Lilly von Shtupp, she delivers the classic,
“Hey there, handsome. Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the
show?” perfectly.
And
I’m pretty sure the rest of her, “I’m Tired” number belongs on at least one of
these lists.
But
it’s her romantic twist with Cleavon Little’s Sherriff Bart…
That
shines in the darkness.
Lili von Shtupp- “Tell
me, schatze,
is it twue what they
say about the way you people are... gifted?”
*zipper sound*
“Oh, it's twue. It's
twue. It's twue, it's twue!”
Sadly,
a deleted line would have won this year’s all time George Award, I’ve seen or
heard several versions around the gag of him letting her down that she’s
sucking on his elbow/arm. The
shnitzengruben was a nice touch though.
1974
(again) Young Frankenstein
In
my almost worthless opinion, this is the greatest comedy ever made. Not a
moment of the film is wasted. It’s a perfect combination of two comic geniuses’
styles, Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder.
Of
course, one of the most famous lines in the film is Teri Garr’s (Inga’s)
innocently shocked realization about Gene Wilder’s (Doctor Frankenstein’s) upscaling
anatomy. Her and Marty Feldman’s
(Eye-gor’s) reactions give the scene an extra boost.
Doctor *reading*- “For
the experiment to be a success,
all of the body parts
must be enlarged.”
Inga- “His veins, his
feet, his hands,
his organs
vould all have to be
increased in size.”
Doctor- “Precisely.”
“He vould have an
enormous schwanzschtücker!”
Doctor- *comic pause*
“That goes without
saying.”
Inga- “Voof.”
Igor- “He's going to
be very popular.”
There’s
also a magnificent aftermath moment, where Cloris Leachman as Frau Blucher
(*whiiiiny*) finds the Doctor and Inga “working” and informs them of his
fiancée’s arrival. She appears to be ignoring the state they’re in until the
magnificent deadpan delivery of her final line:
However,
the crowning moment for both these lists needs to be yet another George Award
to Madeline Kahn (Elizabeth) for a bit that included a callback to the “Voof”
above.
Her
operatically trained singing voice reacting to the Monster’s passionate embrace
belted out a song that even Mel Brooks didn’t know was coming and knocked him
out of the director’s chair with laughter.
Sweet mystery of
life, at last I've found you!”
It’s
a testament to how funny that woman was, based on how many years of watching
her perform it took before I noticed how attractive she was.
1976
Silent Movie
The
power of Mel is pretty conclusively demonstrated that he was able to have a hit
with a silent comedy full of big named stars in the mid Seventies that saved a
studio…that was about a director (played by Mel) making a silent movie full of
big named stars to save a studio.
Due
to the nature of the film types he was spoofing, the Dick and Sex jokes quota
is on the low side for Mr. Brooks in this one.
It’s
still award worthy, though. I give you
the table raising reactions of the Board of Director of Engulf and Devour, led
by Harold Gould and Ron Carey, and including a large number of Mel’s
collaborators, raising the table to Bernadette Peters playing Vilma “Ba-ba Loooooooooooooo!”
Kaplan.
1977
High Anxiety
While
it doesn’t truly count, Madeline Kahn’s shocked transitioning to titillated
performance makes it worth mentioning Victoria Brisbane’s reactions to the
“obscene phone call” caused by Braces (Rudy Deluca again) trying to strangle Dr.
Richard Harpo Thorndyke (Brooks)
ummmm... get my room
number?
I am not going to
listen to any more of this!
I mean, I've had just
about enough!
What are you wearing?
Jeans? You're wearing
jeans?
I bet they're tight.”
The
crowning George Award moment for this film (for this year’s lists anyway) has
to be when Doctor Thorndyke’s keynote address on penis envy is interrupted by a
psychologist forced to bring his two young children to the seminar.
Thorndyke- “As I was
saying, in a world of
predominantly
male-oriented psychology,
it was only natural to
arrive at the term, pee...
Pee...
Peepee envy.”
Other doctor
hilariously playing along –“Are you saying there's absolutely no validity to...
peepee envy?”
Thorndyke, “It has no
more validity than if a man envied a woman's...
balloons.”
The
scene wanders through “cocky-doody” as more of the professional scientists join
in until Brooks reaches the magnificent conclusion:
Thorndyke – “Let me
backtrack for a second.
The female erogenous
zone.”
Befuddled but still
helpful scientist- “You mean the balloons?”
Thorndyke –“No.
Lower, much lower.
Where the babies come
out.
The woowoo.”
Befuddled but still
helpful scientist- “The woowoo?”
Thorndyke- “Yes. The
woowoo.
Perhaps the most
significant psychological feminine component
...known to mankind.”
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