Bondlets: Moonraker

1979

I have a feeling my daughter will remain on “Tush Watch” for the remainder of Maurice Binder’s title sequences.

In retrospect, telling her this one was much crazier than the last was a mistake.  The first hour and a half is at fairly standard levels of insanity for a Seventies James Bond flick. It’s only the final half hour that goes completely loopy.

Considering the “standard levels” included things she thought were “coolio” like destroying the ancient glassware, followed by smashing through a clock window and into a piano, or the whole wacky gondola chase, it’s a wonder anyone thought the outer space part was unusual.

Plus she and my wife both yelled, “Weeeeeee!” when the gravity cut out.  People need to stop considering anything fun as out of place in these films.

My daughter approved of one of the first intelligent Bond girls. Although she recognized the title alone meant there would be “extra flirtingness” and attempts at Jamesbonding.  James still showed off his excessive knowledge by finishing her sentences, but that at least earned him a genius level version of “the look.”

There was further proof of “That’s my girl.”

And that’s not counting deciding the creaking noises the space station made sounded like Chewbacca.

Or laughing hysterically when 007 skeet shoots the sniper hiding in the nearby tree.

She paid the most attention during the Q scenes, cheering the warrior monks who issue blessings after knocking each other senseless, exploding bolas and other mostly impractical but awesome devices.

Actually she was probably paying attention to that level the whole time.  I thought she was completely ignoring the film when suddenly she recognized the supposedly extinct flowers well before I did.

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to my parents and teachers for never looking like I was paying attention to anything.

As always, there were educational moments.

She recognized Drax’s palace as resembling Marie Antoinette’s rooms we saw in the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  In the movie, he brought the palace over from France.  The Production crew found it easier travelling to the palace in Europe and pretending they were in California though.  There’s the difference between the commitment of the Bond film makers and a regular production crew.  They’ll make up a crazy story to give themselves an excuse to film in France as a substitute for California, while every other film company films in California to mimic everywhere.

Education was not only for the young member of my family.  I learned just how far the once fearsome Doberman has fallen down the “dangerous dog” list now that pit bulls occupy the top spot when she referred to the vicious man eating hounds as “cute doggies.”

She wasn’t too sure about the transition of Jaws into a likeable, love struck, somewhat goofy ally when he was shown as an unstoppable killing machine in the previous outing.

His survivals getting more and more ridiculous helped with that.

What helped more was the giant clown head he wore at the Mardi Gras being significantly more terrifying that he was. 

I believe the moment he dances away with the crowd destroyed any chance of him being terrifying any more well before he finds his soul mate.

The final action scenes are ridiculous, but full of explosions that generated a great deal of cheering.

That’s my girl!

She did maintain an “alert” for it during the expected scenes, but found Jamesbonding on a spaceship to be more “Ewwwwww!” than most other locations.

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