Litany of Godzilla- Reiwa Restart

 Godzilla Minus One 

2023

Toho, using a fraction of the current Legendary budget, creates a true rarity- a Godzilla film that would still feature an excellent story and human characters even without Godzilla in it.  Yes, I actually cared about the people in this story. Amazing!

It is 1945, and none of the other films have happened... again.

Bad Kamikaze Pilot lands his Zero on Odo Island for repairs. (Hence- "Bad Kamikaze Pilot.") Angry Mechanic figures out that it wasn't the repairs, but the Bad Kamikazeness that brought him to Odo. Other mechanics are more sympathetic to the idea that he is not throwing away his life for a failing, totalitarian system. Sadly things do not go well for them.

A small (for Toho Kaiju) Fifteen Meter Godzillaish dinosaur shows up on the island and goes on the attack. He is much more impressive looking, agile and lethile than previous attempts at pre-radiation Godzillas. He takes out much of the island's structures and all of the mechanics except for the Angry one. Bad Kamikaze Pilot gets into a cockpit in the middle of the chaos, but freezes up when faced with an oversized, berserk, prehistoric beast. The only other survivor on Odo is now Angrier Mechanic. 

Bad Kamikaze Pilot returns to Tokyo. The city is in terrible shape. (Due to "1945.") His house is battered and his parents are dead. He meets a Sketchy But Sweet young lady who is carrying a baby she was asked to care for before the mother disappeared. (It is best not to dwell on the very real possibility that she has, in fact, stolen this child.) Bad Kamikaze Pilot takes them in. Fortunately, a Grouchy But Kind older woman lives next door and helps out with food and advice as these two can barely take care of themselves and are clueless about children.

 

Bad Kamikaze Pilot gets a job on a rickety wooden boat hunting for and detonating mines. (The mines are magnetic, hence "wooden boat.") His co-workers are a fun bunch including Kid Who Wants Action, Generally Military Guy and Suspiciously Sciencey Man. They are an interestingly mixed group, but all agree (as time passes) that Bad Kamikaze Pilot is a schmuck for not marrying Sketchy But Sweet. 

Due to American nuclear tests (BOO! HISS!) Godzilla has fully Godzillaed and is now Fifty meters tall again. Since it is the Forties that size is sufficient to look huge. Japan keeps it quiet to prevent panic and the US and Soviet Union are no help because they suck. Godzilla's path can be tracked because he scares very deep water fish to the surface where they die from decompression. The visuals on this are not obvious and I had to read about that afterwards. 

Cut to 1947. Sketchy But Sweet takes great care of the house, and the now Adorable Little Girl (with babysitting help from Grouchy But Kind) and has an office job. Bad Kamikaze Pilot still won't marry her because of his guilt issues. (AKA, he is a schmuck.)

The Rickety Wooden Boat crew is tasked with slowing down Godzilla. This goes about as well as one would image. (The swimming scenes of the King of Monsters are awesome!) However, and they do detonate a mine in his mouth in a very Jaws like fashion. Other than illustrating his healing factor this does nothing. Shortly, some real navy vessels show up...

and do about as well as the Rickety Wooden Boat. We get a tease of Godzilla's atomic ray. It fires when his dorsal plates pop up like control rods, which is very cool. (And, to reiterate, I am not making this up.) The exhalation does bad things to the navy vessels and even compared to historical Godzilla breath weapons, it seems REALLY powerful.

Sketchy But Sweet's office job is in Ginza, therefore Godzilla makes landfall there and does some EPIC rampaging, including of the train she's travelling in. Our boy loves his trains. She miraculously survives, and reunites with a recently arrived and panicked Bad Kamikaze Pilot just in time for her to push him out of the way when we get a full demonstration of the new breath weapon. It's a beam that culminates in a colossal, literal, atomic explosion taking out the entire city.

It generates a blast wave that travels a sizeable distance to the characters, and blows Sketchy But Sweet clean out of the movie. Bad Kamikaze Pilot's guilt issues take a major turn for the worse.

Suspiciously Sciencey Man turns out to be a naval engineer with government ties, and comes up with this film's Anti-Godzilla plan. It has the distinction of being the least logical Anti-Godzilla Plan in the seventy year history of some startlingly illogical Anti-Godzilla plans. 

The plan is:

Surround Godzilla (an individual who spends much of his time hidden in the ocean depths.) with freon tanks that will be ruptured and drag him into a deep ocean trench. On the off chance that the water pressure does not kill this individual who spends much of his time hidden in the ocean depths, a bunch of balloons (yes, balloons) will be attached to Godzilla before sinking him. They will be inflated to make the individual who spends much of his time hidden in the ocean depths (and frequently charges to the surface) quickly float to the lower pressure shallows and die of the bends... 

or something.

Honest, I am not making this up.

Luckily, Bad Kamikaze Pilot is extra guilty and has his own plan. He needs help fixing up a cool and fancy prototype fighter. (The Shinden... It is quite nifty.) To do this, he spreads insulting flyers about Angrier Mechanic all across Japan. MUCH Angrier Mechanic shows up and beats the living snot out of Bad Kamikaze Pilot. Explaining is done, and the Shinden is fixed up and chock full of explosives. 

The main plan is put into action. With Kid Who Wants Action left behind for his own good. (dopey kid) Godzilla is lured over the trench. Since Godzilla appears in his normal waist deep in water stance, and we know how deep the trench is, we must assume The Big G can "Dolphin" on his tail. NEATO! 

Balloons are fastened to Godzilla and he is hit with the freon thingys. The King of Monsters sinks to the ocean depths. (Which - I feel the need to remind everyone again- is his natural habitat.) To everyone in the film's surprise, but no one who has seen one of these before's surprise, not only does this not kill Godzilla, but all the balloons break loose. 

Generally Military Guy comes to the rescue by organizing the mass of Rickey Boat Crews to show up and haul Godzilla to the surface with their tow cables, theoretically making him die from the bends. To everyone in the film's surprise, but no one who has seen one of these before's surprise, Godzilla takes some damage, but is basically fine and ready to unleash atomic ray destruction on everyone involved with the illogical plan.

Sometime before this are bits of obvious foreshadowing: 

Both of Less Angry Mechanic and Bad Kamikaze Pilot talking, 

and Grouchy But Kind getting a shocking telegram.

Right before Godzilla breathes and kills nearly the entire human cast of the film, Bad Kamikaze Pilot flies his explosive packed Shinden right into the Big G's mouth. However, he does activate the new ejection seat before impact. (HURRAY!)

Godzilla's head blows up impressively, and with nowhere to go the atomic ray blows him to smithereens... 

with surprisingly little collateral damage. (HURRAY!)

The good news continues as the other bit of foreshadowing pays off: We learn Sketchy But Sweet somehow survived being blasted completely out of camera range by an atomic wind. (HURRAY!)

Bad Kamikaze Pilot is now over his guilt and ready to marry her. He brings Adorable Little Girl (who is going to need OCEANS of therapy) as his daughter to reunite with her Mom in the hospital. (HURRAY!)

Everyone ignores the fact that Sketchy But Sweet has a large black mark growing up her neck. 

Best case- Possibly lethal radiation burns...

Worst case- Were going back to the human/ Godzilla hybrids teased during the conclusion of Shin. 

Oh... and a hunk of Godzilla that floated down to his natural habitat in the trench is starting to grow again.

Perhaps those "HURRAY!"s were a bit premature.

Then again, this awesome film is getting a sequel.

HURRAY!!!!!!!

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