Transformers Rewatch Original Season 2G

The Gambler

More outer space! Woo!.
Hey! This is the toy rocket! Are these out of order? This belongs several stories ago.It’s like they just don’t care.
Wow, one zap and the Autobots have no free will. That is really an issue.  
Man! This alien is very tall. He’s shoulder height on Smokescreen. (Nissan Fairlady Z race car) All the aliens are. Humans must be the runts of the universe.
Apparently, along with food, fuel and drink, Energon is also money? I have questions.
Dude! Hitting them with a shrink ray right after leaving the planet of giants is plain rude.
Oh look, a Gladiator arena! Time for some more fun with weird aliens.

Even cheating the slot machines, Smokescreen gets…the FEVER! Dumbass. (Different than "moron.")
The lizard like assistant to the main Jabbaish bad guy on the planet is named… Sleezardo. That is all.  
That is one MIGHTY coincidental Decepticon arrival given a little thing like THE SIZE OF THE UNIVERSE. Even for this show it’s a stretch.
Hey, who’s the blue guy following them? Devcon left Cybertron before the ark and he’s an Autobot bounty hunter! Why do we never see this cool guy again? I know I know, I know. Because he never had a toy. He looks VERY Season Three. He’s practically Blurr but cooler. A shame really.
Wait, Megatron owns this casino that rakes in Energon? Why does he fart around on Earth at all?” Because Earth makes you stupid.
Neat, Astrotrain has an ionic displacer! That must do something cool. (No it must not. It goes
“pew pew,” like everything else.)
Ooh, Devcon Transforms into a nifty little space cruiser. Now him and Sleezardo are space buddies.

Why did they not bring these guys back? (Getting ahead of myself, amazingly one episode next season does bring back… Sleezardo.)
“Autobots, transform and gamble out” I guess. At the Decepticon casino. What could go wrong?
After nine million years of war, I suppose there’s no need to rush back to it.
 
 

Kremzeek!

This one is known as one of the absolute worst and I also remember it that way. Maybe it will be like Star Trek and some other shows where the bad ones do have some redeeming features?
So. Was Megatron trying to create a Spark to increase his troops? (I’m getting ahead of myself again.)
Nope. It is yet another convoluted weapon, but it is sentient. Maybe that’s what Kremzeek is though. That’s my head cannon, he’s an untethered Spark. That’s why he goes nuts.
Wow, this is bad. It’s not even Scatman for Jazz.  
Teletran-One says, “double plus ungood,” when possessed. Nice literary reference into the kids’ afternoon, anyway.
Using Omega Supreme to get to Japan seems like overkill when they drove to New York and freakin’ China both in ten minutes. Especially since Omega doesn’t have the anti-Kremzeek protective coating.
Even Optimus Prime, the most anal of the Autobots, admits he doesn’t have a plan for this mess.
Yikes, I know it’s supposed to be his tail, but it looks like Kremzeek is bouncing about on his little electric wee wee.

Why is Fonzie hanging around in a Japanese arcade. 
Whoah! That fake Japanese accent may be the worst one yet!
I know the Autobots are morons but it’s hard to accept even they thought creating more multicolored Kremzeeks would make this better…

and a giant one also is not an improvement. 

Meanwhile Megatron builds a Hanna Barbera "oooO-WAH-ooo" machine that absorbs all Earth's energy, and Kremzeek was only a distraction. The Decepticons have completely become morons too. Megs would have won, easily without the laughing Spark thing.
Bumblebee is the only one who thought killing Kremzeek was wrong and against Autobot beliefs.
The heart of a warrior beats in that little robot.
Well… that was terrible.
 
 

Sea Change

A focus on hovercraft Seaspray, another of the little crappy toys. That’s… a lot of burbling for this show.
Outer Space again! Deceptran is ruling an Aztec planet with slave labor. Clearly, Earth is not the Decepticons' first assault… just their least successful.
It turns out they can get Energon by draining people Dark Crystal style. Maybe the relatively tiny Earthling size is why they never did that on our planet.
Oh, I’m sorry, they are Aztec people who turn into merfolk, as per usual.
Cosmos tells Optimus he’s too big to travel inside him. Dude, I’ve seen in there. Devastator could ride in you if he sits down. At least it is nice that they show the Flying Saucer grow on screen this time when he Transforms.
The Aztec Merfolk have the WELL OF TRANSFORMATION. That sounds important. 
Perceptor is in so many of these. I guess the “action microscope” needed a sales boost.

(I have been reminded how cool all of us geeky Eighties kids thought having our own microscope was.)
Seaspray has the hots for Alanna, a Space Aztec Mer-lady. She made him blush. I have questions.  
In case anyone is interested, these people are way taller than humans too.
The difference between sentient Cybertronians and non-sentient robots is discussed. I feel unclean.
The WELL OF TRANSFORMATION removes the body and lets the “essence” change. Got it. Magic and Space in one story. Woo hoo!
Dude, they straight up forgot Bumblebee, stop thinking with whatever passes for your pants, Seaspray.
I feel the need to point out that the corrupt businessman-like Deceptitran is a fat robot.

Seaspray is now having an existential crisis ‘cause Alanna thinks he’s “just a robot” and would not survive the WELL OF TRANSFORMATION. Whoah. She loves him. That was fast. And he did change into an Aztec Merman meaning, long before Sparks are mentioned, Cybertronians have souls. So. Double whoah, However, he still has metal feet. That will help underwater. 
Oh, wait he tried again, and with practice, now he’s a merman. Woo.
Yeah, the story is stupid but the scenery is gorgeous, like all the alien worlds on this show. The background artists never phone it in.
Why is newly organic Seaspray still bubbly when he talks?
Wait, these merfolk have vertical tails, meaning they are not mammals? I’m overthinking again aren’t I. 
Decepticons have souls too. However, fortunately, they’re stupid…which is why Rumble (Cassette) is now a tree. It happens.

And now Alanna is a hot pink robot…that turns into a fancy canoe. (Sadly, she never gets mentioned as the first chronological female Autobot.)
This is completely loopy. The next live action movie should be this story. 
She reprogrammed Deceptitran so she can control him. So much for souls.
Hey, Seaspray! Blowing up the entire city may have been overkill. The price of freedom on this show is usually a destroyed civilization. 

Seaspray and Alanna stay in love and also both stay who they originally were. That is a sweet, if highly screwed up, moral. Especially when the final shot is Alanna sitting suggestively on Seaspray and riding him off into the sunset.
 

Triple Takeover

Starscream convinced the Triple Changers (Blitzwing and Astrotrain) to overthrow Megatron. Wait, SWERVE! It was really the other way. Megatron and Starscream are frozen together. I’m sure this will be fine.
Blitzwing captures a football coach for military strategy. I mean. He’s not wrong but … 
Astrotrain chooses a train yard as the focal point of his world domination. Because tracked vehicles that cannot alter their path is the one of his forms best suited for conquest, not the Space Shuttle. He sets his plan into action by making computer brains for the trains. Am I the only one seeing the problem here?  And we should remember that he is the smarter of the two Triple Changers.  
The rest of the Decepticons are just following them? Surely at least Soundwave should be all about digging out Megatron.
The Constructicons all have different personalities. You think they’d have done some episodes about them, But, no… gotta sell this year’s toys. Sigh.
Dang! Blitzwing straight up killed two Autobots. He mashed them flat in Tank form just as I was wondering who they were.

Meanwhile in the other Decepticon headquarters…the trains can’t talk. Lot’s of tooting though. Woo Woo!  Luckily there are some underground broken wires, gas and oil pipes next door in a tunnel. And… the trains all crashed into each other anyway. You should have captured a coach too, Astrotrain.
Wow, Blitzwing took out a boatload of Autobots and made a throne out of them. A power move.
While once again, the trains crashed and flooded everything… 
AND freed Megatron and Starscream. Megatron is going to be PISSED!

Wait, they flooded the whole city. Astrotrain, you definitely needed a coach.
Oh. Spike is drowning again.  
All right! The Season One Autobots save the day with force fields, liquid nitrogen and… air conditioning.
Good idea Blitzwing, insult the Constructicons, it’s not like they’ll turn into a giant robot and pummel you.
Oooh, Prime is dismissing Megatron all over, referring to the Triple Changers as the new leaders. Optimus is straight up laughing at his foe. “Let them shoot each other.” I don’t know Optimus, maybe use the chaos as an advantage to end this. Sometimes you’re too noble.
Wow! Megatron takes out everyone in a battle… far too cool and expensive to animate.
Optimus Prime’s troops reset themselves into a throne for him, “There’s only one great leader in the universe,” they say. Prime’s response: “Thrones are for Decepticons. Besides I’d rather roll!”

*Mass cheering, both on screen and in my basement*
Yes, it was dumb but elevated by the awesome ending.

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