Warning
This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”
This is not a post for children. Kids, take a hike.
This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language. Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.
Just about everything else on this blog is clean…Stupid sometimes, but clean.
End of Warning.
Welcome to the first movie related post of the Eighth George Awards for Profanity in Film.
I know there has been a salute to the Lethal Weapon films tangentially before. However, two of the greatest contributions of that series to on screen profanity haven't been cited yet.
The movies really are well made, because Richard Donner is a fantastic story teller.
Whenever I do a rewatch, I always forget just how dark the original 1987 film is. Riggs suffers from depression to the point of being suicidal, and building a family around himself, via his connection with Murtaugh is why the films get organically lighter and more fun. It's all done through bonds between the characters as they progress.
There is much well used blue language in these quintessential Eighties buddy cop movies. Yes, I know they continued to be made well into the Nineties but as I said before, the Eighties are a mind set, not a specific period.
This series has two key swearing phrases that have become firmly entrenched in popular culture. I'm going to do them out of order because I need to tell another story...
"Holy shit, what a surprise!" I hear you cry.
Joe Pesci...
Oh shit, I think I completely missed giving My Cousin Vinny the massive recognition it should get in these. I really thought I did.
I'm losing it.
I guess I know what next year's George Awards Ceremony will bring.
Anyway …
Joe Pesci, known master of profanitese, joined the cast in 1989's Lethal Weapon II as Leo Getz, delivering this classic monologue that we all know is true when ordering food to go from a little window:
That's it. Can I give you two guys a friendly piece of advice, okay?
Don't ever go up to the drive-thru!
Okay?
Always walk up to the counter. You know why?
Okay. Okay. They fuck you at
the drive-thru! Okay?!
They fuck you at the drive-thru!
They know you're gonna
be miles away before you find out you got fucked!
Okay? They know you're not
gonna turn around and go back.
So they don't care. Who gets fucked?
Oh, Leo
Getz! Okay, sure!
I don't give a fuck!
I'm not eatin' this tuna! Okay?!"
The call back when Chris Rock joined the cast as Lee Butters complaining about cell phones in the 1998 fourth installment was a beautiful moment of both nostalgia and swearing:
Butters- “I hate cell phones... Make a call,
get cut off. Answer a call, get cut off. Spend more time getting cut off than talking.
Which is just what the phone company wants. Know why?”
Getz- *popping up* “Because they fuck you with cell phones. Okay? They fuck you with cell phones. They want you to get cut off, 'cause then, when you call the people back, they can charge you the higher rate for the first minute all over again.”
Butters- “If your fucking three-hour battery that lasts only twenty minutes isn't fucking dead.”
Getz- “And if you're not behind a little
fucking hill where all you get is *cckkcsssshhhhhhhh*”
But there is one other profanity bearing phrase that is Lethal Weapon's most well known contribution to the world at large. The greatest use of it in history was not in any of the four movies, however, but in my sister's college dormitory.
And it was spoken by my father.
On a visit to my sister in what was then Trenton State, Kim was returned to her dorm room on a weekend night, and my folks and I were heading out.
Aside- It is distinctly possible that I wasn't there and have heard this story so many times that it feels like I was. For anyone looking for full factual accuracy in the George Awards, too fuckin' bad.
Bit of needed information- For reasons that I will largely accept blame for, my sister had a ridiculous amount of Batman clothes when the '89 film came out, and picked up the nickname "Batkim" and eventually "Batty" in high school sports, which transitioned into college.
Unbeknownst to anyone in my family, a fellow floor resident had reached a typical college weekend night inebriated state before our arrival. In a blast of undergraduate logic, her friends threw her fully clothed form into the shower in an unsuccessful attempt to sober her up.
As my parents exited the room, she made herself knownst to them in the hallway, still drunk and now soggy.
"MISTER BATTY!!!!!" she exclaimed on seeing my startled father, and immediately tried to give him a hug.
Possessing speed and agility far beyond that of mortal, plastered co-eds, he deftly backed up, leaving the would be hugger to tip over onto her face with a loud squelching sound.
He stepped over the living, whining puddle, and made his way down the hall, over he cries of, "MISTER BATTY'S MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"
As he sped up his path towards the elevator, he was heard to proclaim:
"I'm getting too old for this shit."
Come back next week for this year's new film George Award Winners!
3 comments:
My most fondest of all my college memories. I will never forget the look on Daddy's face nor the "squelching" sound the girl made as she hit the floor when he moved out of the way.
"Mr. Batty's Mean!" became the unofficial greeting between me and my friends that year. Often followed by laughing and giggling about how great dad was throughout the ordeal.
Thats hilarious, glad I could help immortalize the moment.
For anyone who still cares, Mom confirmed I wasn't there that night.
And another update. Mom was thinking of other earlier visits, Kim confirmed I was there for this one.
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