Warning
This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”
This is not a post for children. Kids, take a hike.
This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language. Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.
End of Warning.
For close to three years, and two-hundred-ninety-nine posts I have endeavored, with very few exceptions, to keep any and all dirty words off of this blog. This was the case even if the post was about a movie containing, or pointing out the benefits of, swearing. I would also leave out profanity filled lines when they were clearly more emotion generating, or awesome, than the lines chosen in their stead for some of my lists. In the cases I felt the need to express expletive exasperation; I would water down those outbursts with family friendly replacements, though the coarse ones would be far more effective and accurate.
I did this out of a belief that caving in to the sensibilities of certain aspects of society would somehow increase the value of this site. However, I’ve decided to violate my own long standing rule in certain clearly marked posts.
Is this because I’ve come to some deep and philosophical understanding of the freedom of speech?
No.
It’s mostly because I’ve stopped giving a shit.
I do feel that I am both a connoisseur and a well-seasoned and experienced user of this language. To this day there is still a massive web of profanity hanging above the kitchen Up the Lake due to an extremely difficult to light refrigerator in my younger days.
Based on a conversation with my daughter about our favorite cinematic fart jokes...
(Excellent parenting there, Jeff.)
I started to think of my all-time favorite uses of profanity in motion pictures.
These are not from the likes of Scorsese, Spike Lee, or others where the flow of foulness is non-stop. I prefer the precision strike, where often in a sea of innocuousness; a near perfect expression of emotion can only be captured by the choice and intonation of the proper epithet.
In coming up with these lists, I decided that there is only one person these awards could be named after.
George Carlin.
In my mind, he is the greatest stand-up comedian of all time. He’s generally listed as part of the “holy trinity” of stand-up, along with Richard Pryor, and Lenny Bruce. However, since he not only outlasted the two of them, but had a much wider diversity of material topics and delivery, he’s number one in my book.
No one swore like Carlin did, and no one probably ever will.
Some comedians use bad words merely for shock value, others amplify an unlikely comparison in their punch lines, and still others employ it to invoke realism.
George was a fuckin’ artist!
I’ve seen performers swear a blue streak in their club material, and then perform the exact same routines minus those words on television with the quality coming out about the same.
I’ve seen performers use profanity integral to their storytelling, but it still functioned only for emphasis and emotional highlighting.
George Carlin got theaters full of people laughing hysterically through reading lists of filthy words simply by varying pitch, timing and enunciation.
“Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits”
wasn’t just a list in his capable hands.
Like anything he delivered, there was a deeply thought out and practiced cadence to his speech pattern.
It was a poem…
A song…
Hell, it was an anthem.
The list itself, and the much longer list that followed it in later years was funny enough on its own, as his voice musically rose and fell through the forest of the taboo.
However, when he talked about those words is where he truly shined. Then he not only made the audience laugh, but more importantly made them think about language, society, and the insane ways they interact with each other. He also never stopped improving himself. Often, throw away one liners in his early years evolved into complete polished routines later on.
More importantly, his list of seven words was adopted by the FCC after he performed his routine as their official list.
Not only was George Carlin an amazing combination of genius wordsmith and goofy bastard, who brought his New York sensibility into observations that covered the entire world…
He was also a standard setting, federal government recognized expert on profanity.
It is in tribute to this man’s abilities that I proudly present the George Awards for the Cinematic Use of Verbal Filth.
Here is a breakdown of the upcoming lists and celebrations. The links will become live as the awards lists are posted over what is probably an excessively long series of Mondays. Ironically, they will end up giving me time to compose a completely child friendly account of our latest Disney vacation. Therefore those already thoroughly disgusted and offended by this topic have something to look forward to.
The initial George Awards will be for “Fuck.”
It truly is a proud word, and I wanted to start off with a bang.
(Ha Ha Ha Ha)
There are certain movies which have far too many awesome quotes to be allowed in the regular lists, lest they completely dominate them. Once again, for fear of blowing out every category RoboCop has been banned from the George Awards. Don’t worry I have special plans for that film.
The Almost Awards, for when the f-bomb dropping was aborted, but not forgotten.
And
The Hat Trick Awards: for individuals and films who managed at least three impressive uses of the word.
The second post is simply my favorite top ten uses of “fuck” in film.
Not counting the ones in the first post,
Or ones I left out on purpose…
Or ones I forgot.
As you have probably guessed by now, there’s no voting, no science, and no real rhyme or reason to these things…mostly, it’s just me fuckin’ around and having fun.
The next couple of lists will be concerned with “bitch.” By itself, kind of a lightweight word, but it deserves special mention because of the sheer volume of feelings that can be expressed using this single, sometimes harmless, low level profanity.
The third post will go into a “bitch” inspired tangent. Normally I don’t like swearing in my super hero films based on classic comic book heroes, being an old school geek. (Or an old geek, anyway.) However, one super franchise deserves special recognition.
I’ll also use that post to highlight excellent uses of “Son of a Bitch.” While the phrase shares the same root cuss, the application and intent are different enough to warrant separate acknowledgements.
Once again, I feel I’ve over thought a pointless topic.
The fourth post will finally get to the top ten celebration of the many various emotions and intonations of the word “bitch” up on the silver screen.
The fifth and sixth posts are the genesis of this entire insane exercise. My favorite film fart jokes. To quote Mr. Carlin yet again, “Kids know farts are funny…farts are shit without the mess.”
Therefore, in order that I may share it with my child who helped inspire it, they will be the only George Award posts containing no actual profanity. Those of you following along for this long strange ride, please refrain from using dirty words in the comments there.
The seventh post was completely unplanned, I had no intent to focus on it, but without trying my brain handed me a top ten list of highly entertaining uses of the word “ass” in motion pictures. This should illustrate pretty clearly how fucked up it is inside my head, for anyone who hasn’t noticed already.
I’m glad it happened though, because as much as one tries to use family friendly euphemisms to convey certain types of behavior or levels of anger, sometimes an ass is an ass.
In other words, it was a very happy ass-ident.
The final forays into filth have to do with “shit.” I saved that one for last, because it is my favorite curse word. The reason it holds such a lofty position in my rather disturbed mentality is that it contains a great deal of hope.
Yes, “fuck” is more powerful, more famous, and the chief of profanity…
But once you’ve reached “fuck” there’s pretty much no going back.
“Shit” on the other hand, can provide just enough emotional release to allow sanity to return. Note how the word starts out with the soft “shhhhhhhhhh” sound, similar to steam escaping from a pressure cooker preventing the pot from exploding.
These examples will hopefully get my lunatic point across:
Exhibit A- (In the home)
“Come on you piece of shit!”
Will usually provide the right amount of extra strength needed to get that drawer unstuck and open.
By the time one reaches, “MOVE YOU STUPID FUCK!”
It’s time to drive to Home Depot again to replace the handle, and possibly get a drywall patch.
Exhibit B- (During business hours)
“Holy shit! Marketing wants the product information data reformatted again!”
May release enough tension to allow the task to be completed before lunch.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY WANT NOW”
Means there’s going to need to be a couple of walks around the outside of the building before anything else gets done today.
Exhibit C –(Outdoor tasks)
“Shit shit shit shit shit!” can grant the extra focus and adrenalin to bring a sliding lawn mower or snow blower under control.
“FUCK!” means the damn thing is about to roll backwards over you, you’re going to need a crowbar to rescue the newspaper from the blades, or you have a lot of explaining to do to the neighbors about their cat and the large stain on the fence.
Post eight will feature the coveted Lifetime Achievement George Award for using “shit” in film, plus the SFK Award.
The ninth and tenth posts will be, over sized of course, “The Shit List.”
Don't forget to come back for some specials, the farewells and the musical finale!
Don't forget to come back for some specials, the farewells and the musical finale!
Why have I chosen this time to allow my morals to descend and besmirch myself this way?
In the immortal words of Miles (played by Curtis Armstrong – for better or worse forever known as “Booger”) from Risky Business
“Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.”
Shit, I forgot that one on the list.
In conclusion: I hope readers will take this in the light hearted and silly spirit it is intended and join me in reminiscing about many fun and entertaining moments of four letter outbursts in cinema history. Though goofiness is my goal here, I also feel it’s important to point out the role profanity plays in our society.
Remember, the number one movie quote of all time as selected by the American Film Institute was Gone With the Wind’s:
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
No big deal by today’s standards, but prime profanity for 1939.
However, I am not completely insensitive to those folks who will find this whole idea horribly offensive. While I’m certain I can be far more offensive by my opinions and general content than mere word choices, I wish to reassure them that the other posts on my site will maintain the self cleaning standard I have upheld until this point.
If that reassurance is not enough, I can only reference the back of the “concert” shirt I bought when I saw George Carlin live back in the early 1990’s:
“Simon Says: Go Fuck Yourself.”
Click here to continue on to the festivities!
The Triumphant Return
Click here to continue on to the festivities!
Here's the Links to the first George Awards if you missed them in the write up above.
They all also link to the next entry:
The Triumphant Return
The Finger List Part 2
The Damn List Part 1
The Damn List Part 2
The Third Set!
Another Musical Intro
Hell Part 1
Hell Part 2
Made Up Profanity Part 1
Made Up Profanity Part 2
Tributes
Deadpool Special Recognition
Fourth Round
Intro Poem
Dick Jokes Part 1
Dick Jokes Part 2
Funny Sex Scenes Part 1
Funny Sex Scenes Part 2
More Mel part 1
More Mel part 2
Special Awards and closing
Fifth Edition
Captain Underpants Musical Intro
Male Injuries Part 1
Male Injuries Part 2
Balls etc.
Nuts and Top References
Thing and Die Hard Special Citations
Alien Franchise Award
Sixth Edition
Driving In Bayonne
Predator Sequels
Baby its Cold
Boob Jokes 1
Boob Jokes 2
Maximum Overdrive Special Citation
Special Ash Vs Evil Dead TV Character Award
The First George Awards Public Acceptance
Seventh Edition
Lost Georges
Thing Tributes
Profane Old Ladies
The First Dana Awards for TV
The Damn List Part 1
The Damn List Part 2
The Third Set!
Another Musical Intro
Hell Part 1
Hell Part 2
Made Up Profanity Part 1
Made Up Profanity Part 2
Tributes
Deadpool Special Recognition
Fourth Round
Intro Poem
Dick Jokes Part 1
Dick Jokes Part 2
Funny Sex Scenes Part 1
Funny Sex Scenes Part 2
More Mel part 1
More Mel part 2
Special Awards and closing
Fifth Edition
Captain Underpants Musical Intro
Male Injuries Part 1
Male Injuries Part 2
Balls etc.
Nuts and Top References
Thing and Die Hard Special Citations
Alien Franchise Award
Sixth Edition
Driving In Bayonne
Predator Sequels
Baby its Cold
Boob Jokes 1
Boob Jokes 2
Maximum Overdrive Special Citation
Special Ash Vs Evil Dead TV Character Award
The First George Awards Public Acceptance
Seventh Edition
Lost Georges
Thing Tributes
Profane Old Ladies
The First Dana Awards for TV
Eighth Edition
Ninth Edition
Tenth Anniversary! Woo Hoo!
Eleventh Edition
4 comments:
Number 1, I applaud your creativity. I daresay there is not another blog post out there with this type of theme. Number 2, these are quite aptly named. There could not be a better name than the George Awards for these posts. Number 3, I could not be more pleased to see Booger show up on my computer screen. Who doesn't love Booger?!
1) Many thanx for visiting, and giving me credit that my twisted vision of the universe is good for something.
2) Carlin was a master. I saw him read his "complete list" live once. Even the blue haired ladies who were only there because they had season tickets in a venue that focused on much more artsy theatrics transitioned from offended to hysterics half way through. The man was an artist.
3) It says something about our generation that someone named "Booger" is that beloved. I chose to think it means something good about tolerance and a sense of humor.
thanx again!
My all time favorite... "You can prick your finger but, you can't finger your prick." Saw him back in the early 90's. Always loved him from the first time I seen him on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. For me, he is the all time best. Excellently written Jeff. This may be your best work yet because this one could have been very easy to F*&% Up! You've done it once again Cousin Michael.
Ah, the "two way words," some of his finest work. Many portions of that will be used as titles of upcoming posts, to keep the actual words out of the headers.
Many thanx for reading, and the compliments. Being part of this family, those words are genetically precious to me.
Post a Comment