This post contains
bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your
spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace
without honor.”
This is not a post
for children. Kids, take a hike.
This is also not a
post for those adults who are offended by this type of language. Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my
cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.
Just about everything
else on this blog is clean…Stupid sometimes, but clean.
End of Warning.
Hello
and welcome to some special citations George Awards. This year’s list, and some in the the
past couple of years for that matter, has focused on some lower weight words.
Frankly,
it’s a fucking embarrassment.
Therefore,
here’s a couple Special George Awards to films that have used “Fuck” multiple times with the pride and majesty that word is due.
Both
were included in hat trick acknowledgments in the first round of the George
Awards, but that inclusion may have hidden the fact (or more accurately made me
forget the fact) that each of these films has many other excessively fun uses of the
mightiest of all profanities.
It’s
probably fairly obvious that I’m a fan of John Carpenter’s The Thing. (1982) I immediately
chose Kurt Russell’s favorite line in the piece for the Carpenter Hat Trick
award. In fact, it was at Kurt’s urging
that, “You gotta be fuckin’ kidding” was given a close up in the first place.
In
rushing that into an award, I missed three other fantastic ones. To borrow a phrase from Lewis Black, who
knows a thing or two about profanity as well, this full combination gets The Thing a “Grand Fuck Slam” George
Award.
Russell’s
MacReady wielded fire and profanity to end the titular monster with both a huge
explosion and a huge expletive:
Keith
David, before being a voodoo singer, a well-spoken statue and a guy who mutually
beat the shit out of Roddy Piper over some sunglasses (featuring several nut
shots that probably should have made this year’s list…Son of a bitch!) played
Childs. He brought his deep, powerful
and Shakespearean trained voice to add a note of class to the important
question:
My
greatest embarrassment for this film is a line that actually inspired the
creation of the George Awards, which slipped out of my over-full-with-useless-shit
mind between conception and execution of this idea.
Put
upon and suspected leader Garry (Donald Moffat) experiences a bunch of truly
heinous horrors while bound in a seated position. When he’s finally exonerated via
blood test, his humble request starts out filled with calm peacefulness before
building to a crescendo in a truly inspirational George Award Moment:
you gentlemen have
been through a lot,
But…
When you find the
time,
I'd rather not spend
the rest of this winter
TO
THIS!!
FUCKING!!!
COUCH!!!!”
Sorry
Garry, you deserved better.
The
next film, probably due to having one of the most famous uses of the word “Fuck”
in cinema history, made me ignore a great many other lovely ones.
John
McClane, played by Bruce Willis, uses “Fuck” to express every possible emotion,
scoring 1988’s Die Hard a special
citation.
John’s
“Yippee Ki Ay- Motherfucker!” has been noted, but Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber
returning the line dripping with disdain when he thinks he’s gotten the drop on
John also deserved mention.
When
the gun John gave him is shown to be empty, John’s reply is direct and
completely matter of fact:
Do you think I'm
fucking stupid, Hans?"
John
uses the word in a contemplative and self-criticizing way right before leaping
off the roof tied to a fire hose:
It
is employed to highlight shock and disbelief at the idiot on the other side of
the call for help telling him the frequency was only for emergencies:
Do I sound like I'm
ordering a pizza?”
John’s
introspective nature was also seen in this self-assessment of his inability to
interfere in Takagi’s murder:
Because then you'd be
dead, too, asshole!"
And
of course, John’s use of the word in the classic sense during a rage filled
battle against Karl (Alexander Godunov):
WHEN I BROKE HIS
FUCKIN' NECK!!
I'll KILL you!
I'm gonna kill ya,
I'm gonna cook ya,
and I'm gonna fuckin'
EAT ya!!”
Congratulations
to Mr. McClane and Die Hard for
achieving The Hexafuck George Award for Excellence in Expression.
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