George Awards- Somebody once said that Hollywood is based on a lot of producers deliberately making bad movies, and every now and then somebody gets lucky

 Warning
 
This is not a post for children.  Kids, take a hike.

This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”

This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language.  Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.
Just about everything else on this blog is clean…Stupid sometimes, but clean.
End of Warning.

The Oscars have come and gone, providing me the usual reminder (as I never know what season it is never mind what month anymore) that it has been about a year since the previous version of these, and therefore it is time for the TWELFTH annual-ish George Awards for Profanity in Film that happens around these parts.

This year we'll be leading off with a film that barely has any profanity in it. 

The largest incidence of swearing is a "shit" that basically functions as "oops." 

Hardly a crowning moment. 

So... why the hell does it get a mention?

The reason is that the film, both the creative process and the end result, is so loopy it needs some recognition here.

Ice Pirates started as a serious science fiction film with a Twenty Million Dollar budget. Star Wars came out while they were working on it, creating more focus. 

Then, shit happened.

The studio had problems, and cut over three-quarters of the budget, shifting the idea to a comedy. Then someone embezzled from that same studio while diverting more funds away. But, he insulted Paul Newman's wife, so the producer punched him in the face, adding to the chaos.

The creators said they ignored Star Wars, and focused on Pirate films and other fantasies. However, those were inspirations for Star Wars too, so there are parallels. (And it looks a lot like both movies took "inspiration" to put it nicely, from the Dune novels.) 

In spite of all the money shifyness going on, the movie has a boat load of wild and original costumes, big sets, varied locations, and custom built vehicles. 

Then, there is the cast which was even stranger as they were way more talented than anything this off the wall should get. 

The three main characters came from successful and popular television series: 

Robert Urich (Vega$)

Mary Crosby (Dallas)

Michael D. Roberts (Baretta) 

The rest of the pirate band is early appearances of Angelica Houston, Ron Perlman and football legend John Matuzak (between Caveman and The Goonies). 

Even the smaller roles pull from a wide, and wild, talent pool.

The briefly appearing, (one scene) villainous Supreme Commander was Hollywood Legend John Carradine.

"Frog Lady" was twice Tony nominated Broadway star Marcia Lewis.

Wendon- the disembodied head and ruler of a foggy planet of Amazons- was Emmy award winning comedy writer Bruce Villanch.

And the couple of lines spoken by the "Robot Pimp" was original "Audrey II" performer Ron Taylor. ("yeah.")

The story goes through all sorts of bizarre twists and turns including:

Cowardly robots...who know kung fu.

A love scene out of a romance novel.

A Rube Goldberg castration machine.

Explosions and beheadings.

Rapid aging through a time vortex.

And Space Herpes.

All on a quest to find the lost Seventh World, which is the only place in the galaxy that still has plentiful water. However, the obvious reveal that the Seventh World is Earth was edited out shorty before release without the director's knowledge.

Therefore every time I watch this film...

Which is quite often because I love this batshit insane thing...

I find myself thinking.

HOW IN THE WILD HOPPING FUCK DID THIS EVER GET RELEASED!!!!!

Come back next week for this years celebration of actual profanity in films.