Warning
This is not a post for children. Kids, take a hike.
This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”
This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language. Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.Just about everything else on this blog is clean…Stupid sometimes, but clean.
End of Warning.
Disclaimer- I've stopped digging really deeply to determine where the quotes from Mr. Carlin that I find come from. This is because I need a great many titles. This seems to be from one of his books, and I have neither the time nor inclination to read all of them again at the moment.
Time for some actual movie profanity in this year's George Awards for profanity in film.
Today we give some bonus recognition to a film that has won before, for the World Famous reference to Lycanthropic Testicles. It was also the source of a late addition cross reference to the "Awesome Eighties" quotes list.
Of course I'm referring to 1987's Monster Squad.
The glory of Wolfman's nards eclipsed many fantastic moments of profanity in yet another in the huge pile of Eighties horror comedy films that received criticism for not knowing what it's audience was.
(Spoilers, it's audience was me and my family for this Goonies meets Universal Horror icons outing.)
Like the most classic example of that type of horror comedy, (Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein) the Monsters were mostly played straight adding some genuinely dramatic and scary moments to the film.
The first example, however, is not one of those.
Little Phoebe, played by Ashley Frank, has made a new friend. She tries desperately to get the attention of her older brother Sean (Andre Gower) and the rest of the Monster Squad. This includes biting her brother. As the boys have already have gotten an inkling that weird things are afoot, they do not react well to learning her friend is the Frankenstein Monster.
Phoebe- “Would ya look?”
Boys- “Huh?” *Much comic screaming, running
and hiding*
Phoebe- “ It's okay, you guys!
He's friends with us.
Come on! Don't be chickenshit!”
The other two moments go far more in the direction of the horror side of this horror comedy.
Rudy (Ryan Lambert) as a slightly older member of the club, didn't believe anything the younger boys were telling him at first. However, when things start to go south, his overprotective big brother attitude transition from just bullies, to the undead.
As Dracula's brides approach, with plans of ending the ritual to get rid of the monsters, and also get rid of the kids, Rudy pulls out his bow and arrow. He marches off answering the question of "Rudy, where are you going?" with a definitive.
"I'm in the God Damn Club, aren't I?"
Leading off his attack with
"OK, skanks. Come and get it."
was effective as well.
The final moment for today's George Award may be the most terrifying in the film. While there were some tangential gags with the other monsters, Duncan Regehr played Dracula straight, and full of menace and was inflicting terror throughout the movie. When he grabs and lifts Phoebe, that was the first time he wore the fangs and contacts around the young actress since they scared her so much. He wouldn't deliver the line to her face, but her reaction to the hiss afterwards was genuine:
"Give me the amulet, YOU BITCH!!!"
Well, that's enough of Eighties comedy horror...
Who am I kidding? I'll never get enough of Eighties comedy horror.
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