Thursday, April 9, 2020

George Awards: “Well Where Did You Have it Last”

This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”

This is not a post for children.  Kids, take a hike.
This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language.  Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.
Just about everything else on this blog is clean…Stupid sometimes, but clean.
End of Warning.

Frankly, I believe this year we’ve all had more than enough reasons to swear.

“Holy fuckin’ shit!” may be our new national motto.

Therefore I did a list of more heartwarming movies.

However, I can’t let a whole year go by without the George Awards for Profanity in Film and break a seven year streak.

This year will start with “Lost George Awards”.

There are two films that fit this category.

One had a moment mentioned in the very first George Awards, and I love that one so much, I forgot about a second one.

The other is from a film knowing my likes, and fucked up sense of humor, I should have seen long before now.

The initial lost George is Hudson Hawk.   It is a wonderful spoof/ parody of heist and secret agent films.  It even has James Coburn and a few references to his Our Man Flint, one of the earliest Bond parodies.  

Yet, back in 1991 it was advertised as another Die Hard and Died REALLY HARD at the box office.  Seven years ago, it was celebrated in the original George Awards as part of Bruce Willis’s Hat Trick.  The fact that “Can you *fucking*believe it” punctuated the scene showing Danny Aiello’s Tommy “Five Tone” did survive, which helped catapult this film from fun to favorite, made it my main focus.  The glorious use of profanity in Die Hard itself has also been noted in these awards.  However, I have been neglectful in giving praise to Bruce Willis himself in this outing, for his masterful use of language under pressure. 

The scene in question is when Eddie “Hudson Hawk” Hawkins is tossed out of a moving ambulance, strapped to a gurney on the Brooklyn Bridge.  His epic reaction, preceding the equally epic tossing of exact change into the toll booth basket, gets this year’s first forgotten George Award:

“How’s my driving?
Dial 1-800 I'mgonnafuckindie!”

The next “Lost George” goes to a film I should have seen long ago. As horror comedies are not only a favorite genre, but something of a family legacy, I’m not sure how it took me sixteen years to see 2004’s Shaun of the Dead.  Not only did it take this long, but I saw it recorded off of cable, not even on one of the higher forms of media...which I naturally quickly acquired along with the others of the Three Flavours Cornetto trilogy.

The movie is completely filled with profanity, which normally would mean there wasn’t a shining moment to stand out and win a George Award.

However, that’s discounting a reply by Peter Serafinowicz playing “Pete” when he’s in full rant mode tearing into Shaun (Simon Pegg) about how completely useless and annoying having Ed (Nick Frost) as a roommate is.

The clincher comes when Shawn maintains "He's fun to have around."  Peter replies, in the commanding tones used to voice Darth Maul and Nova Corps member Saal, with:

"Why? 'Cos he can impersonate an orangutang?

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