Sometimes this stuff just pops into my head fully formed. Unfortunately for you people, I have to let it out, or it’ll break something.
The Squishy Shoe Blues
Inspired By an anonymous comment
(Standard Blues Beat, Wet Shoe Leather Sound in Rhythm Section)
I woke up this mornin’
Was rushin’ late for work
Just grabbed my footwear quickly
Now I feel like such a jerk
‘Cause all of ‘em hear me comin’
and it makes me have the blues
Oh why oh why did I put on…
This dumb old pair of squishy shoes?
There’s no way to keep ‘em quiet
Not even for a bar bet
They even squeak and sound off
On a thickly piled car-pet
Can’t go to the li-brar-ry
Even though I payed my dues
What did I do to de-serve
These loathsome squishy shoes?
I thought they were just dirty
So I tried a bunch a washes
Now they look like formal footwear
But still sound like old galoshes
With each step they screech and howl
Sounds that rival any zoo’s
But it ain’t no wild beasties
Just these dopey squishy shoes.
Tried flat foot and on tip toe
On heels or down on arches
Tried shuffles hops and gallops
And a load of other marches
If I try to sneak up on ya
I’m always gonna lose
You can hear the sound for miles
From my bogus squishy shoes.
Now I’m hidin’ in my office
Shut that din out of my head
If somebody wants me to walk out
I’ll just pre-tend that I’m dead
No way I’m leavin’ home tomorrow
Tell my boss I got the flu
Cause I ain’t gonna spend another day
I’m tellin’ you there ain’t no way
Not goin’ out to work or play
Cause the sound’ll make you say “Oy vey”
And I’m sick of workin’ anyway.
Won’t be a dolt in.... squishy shoes
My story’s told in... squishy shoes
Not Michael Bolton’s... squishy shoes
By my revol-tin’......