Monday, August 1, 2011

Top Ten Signs that the Magic is Gone

Some subtle hints that the relationship has passed the saving point.

Love can be a bully sometimes.

1) You agree that whatever lame country tune she picked is “your” song, but secretly know it’s Weird Al’s “Good Enough for Now”.

2) You buy a new heavy metal CD and video game to celebrate when she has to work extra late.

3) You gladly go clothes shopping with her, hoping to check out any singles browsing in the ladies department.

4) You pick movies solely based on how much they will offend her. (Note: this is completely justified after being forced to sit through one or more “romantic dramas” or “based on true events” films where the main character dies for no plot enhancing reason in the final moments before the credits.)

5) You pretend you aren’t home AFTER answering the phone when she calls.

6) A large, involuntary, visible shudder passes through your body if her parents say, “When your kids stay with us…”

7) One of the main reasons you get a tattoo is because you know it will annoy her.

8) You actively research purchasing a boa constrictor in order to prevent her cats coming into your apartment.

9) She expresses concern that she doesn’t want the relationship to be just physical, and your only reply is a condescending and over loud, “HA!”

10) You patiently listen to her constant exercise and diet plans, and all you can think is, “Then why does your ass keep getting bigger?”

This list is a work of fiction, any resemblance between these items and and actual events is purely…

Likely to stain my karma for many many iterations.

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