I started playing
Dungeons and Dragons in the fifth grade.
Once I figured out that
Hobgoblins being “giant goblins” did not mean they were twenty foot tall knobby
kneed, googly eyed, sneaker wearing mops demanding our adventuring party give
them, “FRENCH FRIES!” it became a
regular part of my life.
Once my parents realized
it was all storytelling in our head and I did not, in fact, fall twenty feet
off a ladder to be caught by a much smaller and scrawnier friend (I was playing
a Halfling.) they were quite supportive.
The nature of the game
and the nature of our hyperactive imaginations meant keeping the encounters in
our heads worked out fine. Miniatures
were used sparingly, mostly so the Dungeon Master could force us to commit to
positions before springing his latest heinous trap that would make Grimtooth
himself weep with pity.
Even so, we were aware
live action role playing occurred, and had nothing to do with the inanely
conceived Mazes and Monsters. Tom
Hanks’s turn as Woody in films highlighting the importance of creativity and
imagination kept me from holding a grudge.
Dragon
Magazine occasionally
had articles about the Society for Creative Anachronism, highlighting how they
built their own weapons and armor, and sometimes staged mass battles. They definitely looked excessively cool.
I didn’t join the SCA
when I got to RPI for two reasons:
A) It’s almost
impossible for any group based in a geek school to pull off “excessively cool.”
B) I was too busy to
spend the time making weapons and armor because of that “studying engineering”
thing.
They did put on a wicked
living chess game at the activities fair.
This is primarily because the guy playing one of the rooks built himself
an eight foot tall tower painted to look like stone work. He could peer over the top when stationary. However,
when moving he’d step down out of sight to either slide or roll it along. I’m
not completely sure, as the construction was less obvious than the
results. I do know it was light enough to cross the
board quickly, and solid enough to transmit considerable energy to the “piece”
he was capturing. The impact following the charge would blast the unfortunate
individual across the McNeil Room of the RPI Union.
Full contact nerds!
I continued to be
content with various genres of Pen and Paper gaming until and opportunity
presented itself in my twenties.
For reference, the
following was pre-fencing class, meaning my “combat skills” such as they
existed, were only based on the fitness and juggler like reflexes I picked up
in college.
Some friends of friends
were regulars at a live action role playing (LARP) group that rented out a
local Girl Scout camp for events.
Aside: Driving into this location to pick up my
daughter from an overnight camp out caused the most surreal and incongruous
flashbacks I’ve ever had.
Since we had an “in” we
were excused from the orientation lecture for first time attendees consisting
of:
First) Being taught what
a role playing game was by people who’d been alive for less time than we’d been
playing them.
Second) Being taught the
game mechanics of the world over the course of an hour, which we’d had
comprehensively explained to us on the ten minute drive over.
Here’s the basic
breakdown for anyone loopy enough to still wish to see where these stories end
up.
Weapons had a plastic
core heavily covered with duct taped on foam or cotton padding. These guys had gotten the science of this
down excellently, allowing a player to really wail on his opponent without
inflicting any real damage or much pain.
Head shots were patently illegal and therefore would do no in game
damage.
Otherwise, game damage
was inflicted by hitting the target only, not their weapons. This meant
parrying prevented all damage, and quick reflexes could make one nearly
invulnerable to normal combat. My sister
joined in some sessions well after I had tried, and also after taking a formal
fencing class. She’d go whole afternoons
without losing any hit points.
The way to know how many
hit points of damage were caused was accomplished by the attacker calling out
the number. This rendered it an
educational experience as well, forcing players to constantly do arithmetic
while running and fighting.
The “voice activation
principle” worked throughout the rules. Higher level characters could do
limited numbers of special attacks by calling them out, such as “Stun” forcing
the receiver to flap like a chicken and count “Mississippis.” I should probably
note looking cool wasn’t much of an option during this undertaking. There were limb removing words, and the ever
popular and battle shortening, “Slay.”
Spells worked in a
similar fashion, but were beanbag based.
Casting a spell at an enemy required successfully “beaning” the foe
while calling out the incantation. The
most common low level one - “I create a magical pin” anchored one of the
target’s feet to the ground, while “Shatter” destroyed a weapon.
Passive spells were also
voice activating, requiring holding a bean bag in the air for self-cast magic
(since the bags also served to count how many spells one had) or spouting the
proper words at the proper time if a reflection or negation spell was cast on
you previously.
Yes, there was a great
deal of the honor system at play, but on many occasions the rules meshed
together to allow fast moving, and entertaining battles by individuals who were
in shape, and knew their way around a melee combat, without maiming anyone for
real.
Since those were by far
the least entertaining to convey events, I’ll focus on the other ones.
Oh…and a real world back
rub between players meant their characters had an in game evening of
“way-hey-hey-hey!” The fact that they
felt the need for this rule should have clued me in to some of the surprises
waiting for me.
In general, the primary
source of all ridiculousness that occurred was tied to one thing: A disconnect
between player and character skill sets.
As I said, the weapon
manufacture was excellent. The same can be said of most long time participants’
costuming ability. Many players also had
some theatrical experience allowing boastful banter filled, Shakespearean
sounding shouting matches.
However, the lack of martial
training often didn’t allow walking the walk after talking the talk.
A prime example repeated
several times. Two impeccably dressed
individuals in period costume with entertaining facial hair and large plumed
hats would start by hurling renaissance fair style insults at each other until
honor demanded physical retribution.
Both noble sirs’ character sheets listed “Florentine” fighting style,
and because of this they would draw both their primary sword and a shorter
parrying dagger. Still hurling
Elizabethan epithets, they closed for combat…
Then they’d both wave
their arms like Robby the Robot at each other while saying, “eh. eh. eh.” and
closing their eyes a lot.
Some occurrences
indicated others failed to notice even larger disconnects between stats and
reality. I bet in his worst nightmares,
J. R. R. Tolkien never saw a three hundred pound elf trotting through the
forest while sucking on an inhaler.
A second beginner
requirement we got out of was the normal first timer role of Skeleton. Since skeletons attacked with “claws”
parrying didn’t protect them from damage.
Also, they spent the day in the dark in one of the “dungeon” indoors
instead of playing a larger role in the story.
In hindsight, I’m a little sorry we missed that. I’m sure having a room full of newbies trying
to pull off a coordinated attack in a darkened scout cabin produced some epic
slapstick comedy…and more than a few ER visits.
Instead, we were drafted
into a gang of mercenaries that players would meet, provided with red shag carpet
samples to wear, and a choice of swords from the “company pile.” I chose one that could be wielded either one
or two handed for a couple of reasons:
A) I had never done this
before and didn’t know which way would work better.
B) It matched the weapon
most of the Dungeons and Dragons fighters I played as wielded.
C) The immature part of
my brain that still runs many of the day to day operations giggles
uncontrollably at the name “bastard sword.”
Based on the level of
the player characters in the adventure, our skill sets would be adjusted
accordingly. Our job was to befriend the
party to lull them into a false sense of security, and then either try to take
them out on our own, or if we thought they were too powerful, lead them up the
hill to the main “bad guy” base camp.
We met three parties
that day, and each encounter devolved into its own unique style of foolishness.
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