Kong: Skull Island
2017
This feeds into important ones later, meaning it earns this treatment without Godzilla, or other Toho creations. Not only that, it's a heck of a film! Or as Anabelle calls it "A Cinematic Masterpiece and One of My Favorite Movies Ever Made."
In 1944 a Goofball Pilot from America and a Japanese Pilot crash on an Island. (Skull Island, perchance?) They fight each other a bit until they get distracted by the huge ape watching them.
And... scene.
in 1973 John Goodman is trying to get the government to fund an expedition to an uncharted island. (Skull Island, perchance?) to prove his Hollow Earth Theory. (This will be important in later films.) They have been ignoring him for quite a while. However playing the "Hey, the Russians could find it first." card works. He recruits a team, many of whom will become permanent, if flat, digested or otherwise unpleasantly assimilated, residents of Skull Island. Key members are Colonel Angry Sam Jackson and his Apocalypse Now reenactment squad to get them there, and Plucky Photographer Brie to document everything. To lead them, they hunt down Mercenary Loki, who informs John Goodman that everyone will die. An obscene amount of money makes Mercenary Loki care less that they are all going to die and he agrees.
Colonel Angry Sam Jackson and his Apocalypse Now reenactment squad fly their helicopters through the huge storm surrounding Skull Island, with appropriate music of course. The first part of John Goodman's scientific research is dropping bombs on the island. This does not sit well with KONG! Who scares the crap out of everyone, as he is a 104 foot tall bipedal gorilla. He acrobatically downs all of the helicopters. Poor Guy With Pictures Of His Kids crashes away from everyone else and is on his own. After a bit of screaming at each other about what a poor idea it was to drop bombs for scientific research, the main group splits in two. Mercenary Loki (who's actual name is "Conrad" in case the rest of the Heart of Darkness references weren't strong enough) leads most of the sane people towards the planned removal point on the Island. Colonel Angry Sam Jackson claims he is taking others to find Poor Guy With Pictures Of His Kids, but clearly has nefariousness on his mind. On the way, they run into an ENORMOUS Daddy Long Leg, who skewers and lassos several members of the team. Luckily, Cynical Older Soldier tells everyone to attack its legs, which they do successfully. Why no one else thought of this when those were the only parts of the thing reachable is an exercise left for the viewer.
Mercenary Loki's group meets up with the Iwi tribe. Contrary to every other Kong movie island tribe, these people are nice, and also silent. Goofball Pilot (who got that way from being stuck on the island for almost thirty years) lives with the Iwi. He and the tribe teaches them about Kong, and also about the Skullcrawlers, which look way too much like the Temple Run thing that chases you. Kong is the last of his kind (awww) and the only thing keeping the Skullcrawlers from eating everyone and everything on the island, and possibly beyond. There are many "everythings" on the island. Plucky Photographer Brie has a moment with a colossal water buffalo at one point.
Speaking of "everythings" on the Island, Poor Guy With Pictures Of His Kids is startled by a walking stick insect the size of an enormous tree. Shortly after he is presumably more than startled by a Skullcrawler. So sad... anyway.
Armed with Goofy Pilot's knowledge of the island and the attempt he and Japanese Pilot made at building a boat from plane wreckage, the team finishes the craft and sets off on the river to the removal point. Along the way, a scientist is plucked off the boat, torn apart and eaten by a flock of weird pterodactyl things. So sad... anyway.
Here and there Mercenary Loki and Plucky Photographer Brie share some moments in a world-weary from war way, not in a romantic way. This is a relief to everyone watching the film hoping that mushy stuff will not get in the way of some Big Monkey Action. (See other Kong posts for justification of using “monkey. “ Short version- it’s fun!)
The two teams meet up. Angry Sam Jackson insists on going the way Goofy Pilot says is too dangerous to find Poor Guy With Pictures Of His Kids. They do anyway and find two things very quickly
A) A huge collection of Kong family and other giant prehistoric looking monster bones.
B) That Goofy Pilot was right.
John Goodman gets eaten, kicking off a humans versus Skullcrawler battle in the bones.
Several others die. So sad... anyway.
A climactic finish with Mercenary Loki using the Japanese Pilot's sword Goofy Pilot keeps with him and Plucky Photographer Brie using Mercenary Loki's father's lighter to touch off an explosion takes out the Skullcrawler. Before it died, though, it belched up Poor Guy With Pictures Of His Kids's dog tags...
and head.
Confirming his demise.
So sad... anyway.
Angry Sam Jackson refuses to change his path, admitting he really didn't care about Poor Guy With Pictures Of His Kids, and was trying to access Kong Killing Weapons. Goofy Pilot reiterates that Kong is the only thing stopping the Skullcrawlers, including "the big one." Angry Sam Jackson cares not, because he is angry and must kill his adversary. His Apocalypse Now reenactment squad go with him, while the smarter people go back to the boat. Yet another moment is had, this time between Plucky Photographer Brie and Kong while Mercenary Loki observes. They decide they have the moral responsibility to stop Angry Sam Jackson.
The Colonel and his men prepared a trap involving a STAGGERING amount of intact napalm considering how hard those helicopters hit the jungle floor. There is much fire and Kong is down. OH NO! The Moral Responsibility gang arrives to stop this foolishness. A very tense scene full of posturing, yelling, weapon pointing, and finally conscience examining happens. This leads to the rest of the Apocalypse Now reenactment squad accepting the obvious evidence that A) Kong is a vital protector of the island and world outside it, and B) Colonel Angry Sam Jackson is wildly off his nut.
"The Big One" arrives scattering the group except for Colonel Angry Sam Jackson, who is going to set off EVEN MORE napalm charges to kill Kong. The enraged ape has other ideas and squishes him first. WOO HOO!
Kong has been through it, and "The Big One" knocks him down once more and goes after the gang. Cynical Older Soldier decides to use a boatload of grenades to sacrifice himself and stop the Skullcrawler.
A tail swipe of The Big One means he goes one for two. He also goes right into a cliff wall. KABOOM!
So sad... anyway.
All looks lost except for two arrivals on the river. The surviving non-soldiers on the boat show up firing its anti aircraft gun to pick up the rest of the gang.
AND
KONG IS BACK AND HE'S NOT HAPPY (sorry , wrong film)
Kong gets knocked back into some wrecked boats and end up tangled in the anchor chains. Great start there, pal. However, ripping himself free yields him one of the giant propellers wrapped in those chains like an enormous kusarigama.
Oh yeah, at some point, Plucky Photographer Brie gets knocked in the water, and Kong, historically having a thing for blondes, rescues her. This may or may not have been the best idea as he spends the ultimate battle with The Big One while holding her. This is especially true when The Big One decides to eat the arm Kong is holding her in.
Kong's response is to tear out the giant Skullcrawlers innards, thus ending the fight. (And also any chance Plucky Photographer Brie will live a therapy free life from here on out.)
Rescue helecopters come, Kong stands defiantly, and it all fades out.
Except for...
Goofy Pilot gets to return home to his wife, son, and watching the Cubs in the playoffs with a hot dog and a beer. (We all have our own priorities)
and
The remaining scientists that worked with the (now eaten) John Goodman get debriefed and see cave paintings of the stars of Godzilla King of Monsters.
3 comments:
WOOHOO
this movie is so good
Agreed!
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