Godzilla Vs. Kong
2021
It is five years since Godzilla, remaining 393 feet tall (120 Meters to stay in line with the Japanese films), established himself as the King of Monsters. He's still swimming about keeping the rest of them in line and in hiding... or perhaps the fear of something else is making them do that.
On Skull Island there are issues. The storm that has surrounded it for years has shifted, sinking the island for plot related reasons. The core of Team Kong: Jia, the last remaining Iwi (awww, they were nice) is a young deaf girl, ('cause the Iwi were telepathic) adopted by Science Mom, who is the worlds leading expert on our Giant Ape friend. Kong has grown a tad. He is now triple the size last we saw him at 337 feet (103 Meters). This pushes home that the Kong of Skull Island was only a TEEN-AGER! Kong is pissy about being kept in a big holodeck dome, but Science Mom worries that moving another "Apex Level" Kaiju (pardon me... Titan) off the island would attract Godzilla. I feel she should worry more about the island sinking, but that's me.
Team Godzilla forms around Fun Conspiracy Nut who works at not-coincidentally named Apex in Florida, and has a Titan Podcast. One of his fans is Enola Eleven.
(Y'know what, she's demonstrated enough bonds with Godzilla over two films to get her real name.) One of his fans is Madison.
Fun Conspiracy Nut finds a huge, shiny, secret device as part of his fun conspiracying, while Godzilla is attacking for reasons unknown to mere humans. Mere humans not in charge of this shady company, that is. Madison ropes poor, constantly out of his depth, Deadpool II Kid to help her find Fun Conspiracy Nut and clear Godzilla's name. After a rather bizarre hunt consisting of stealing Deadpool II Kid's brother's van, asking about bleach purchases and buying a large fish, they find him.
Though I'm already starting to get bored talking about people, the rest of Team Kong needs to form. Evil CEO (is there any other kind?) of Apex asks Hollow Earth expert Tarzan to lead an expedition to find an energy source in the Hollow Earth through the entrance by the South Pole. Tarzan doesn't want to because the crazy gravity effects of entering Hollow Earth killed his brother. (TRAGEDY!) Evil CEO reassures him that the new Super-X looking craft he created can withstand those issues. The craft, which expects to see nausea inducing turbulence, are called "HEAVs" and I am still not making this up. The only one who knows their way through Hollow Earth is Kong, which is fantastic news, because all of us are bored with the humans by this point.
Tarzan talks Science Mom into moving Kong. I'm sure the sinking island helped. We don't see how they manage to knock out the Giant Ape and chain him to a big ole boat, because even in this film, that would strain credulity. A couple important things happen on the journey.
A) A running gag starts of Tarzan misinterpreting a sign and calling himself a coward a lot.
B) Team Kong is completed by CEO's Hot Yet Competent Daughter and the Apex Paramilitary Gang.
C) Kong has learned sign language and can communicate with Jia because he is a "Thinking Animal."
Most importantly, however, Godzilla detects his rival, swims out of his usual territory to stir up some trouble and we finally get some Kaiju Kombat.
ROUND ONE- FIGHT!
If the melee wasn't bad enough, Kong looks into the water once he clambers out of it and sees the Big G powering up his atomic breath. Our friend the Ape pulls one of the greatest "Oh Crap" faces in cinema history and leaps off the soon to be gone aircraft carrier they were battling on. Godzilla swims away in triumph while Kong hauls himself back on his boat, and lays flat out with a look that clearly says, "For this I left the Island...oy."
Godzilla Wins.
Team Godzilla sneaks into the broken Apex Florida location, but the huge, shiny, secret device is gone. However, they slide thought the rubble to find an elevator down to a Magnetic Levitation Man powered car system that shoots them to Hong Kong. There, in an enormous room, they are chased by a Skull Crawler the size of The Big One. Before it eats them, it is stopped by MechaGodzilla! (And kudos to the production team for keeping him a surprise.) The mech picks up the Skull Crawler like a toy and bisects it, (Ew.) before shutting down abruptly. Mechagodzilla is controlled by an interesting combination. The mental controls are transferred through the Skull of King Ghidora, which means now we know who Numsie was working for in King of Monsters. It is driven by the Son of Serizawa which means... nothing because I had to look that up later, since the movie doesn't mention it. A shame really, as that would have been a much more interesting back story than most of the gang we've met.
Anyway.
The reason Evil CEO is setting up the mission to Hollow Earth is to use the energy source there to power Mechagodzilla and establish dominance over Godzilla. I'm sure this will go well.
The Apex Paramilitary Gang uses a small robot to scan the Godzilla silhouette shaped , plug in energy source that charged up Kong's new axe. Somehow this instantly transfers the energy to Mechagodzilla... or maybe lets Evil CEO recreate it based on ... something. It's not clear, but LOOK GIANT MONSTERS!
The energy transfer leads to three rather messy occurrences.
2) Godzilla charges into Hong Kong, attracted by Mechagodzilla powering up.
3) The essence of King Ghidorah... or something... fries Son of Serizawa's brain, and takes over Mechagodzilla, crushing Evil CEO mid monologue and allowing Team Godzilla to escape.
Godzilla, in a move I'm not making up, senses the energy source, or maybe Kong, or perhaps the poor drawing of himself on the floor, and breathes a hole directly into the Hollow Earth Throne Room. How that works when there seems to be some kind of portal or at least a weird gravity barrier requirement to get there remains an exercise for the viewer.
Kong grabs his axe and heads for the new hole, pausing only briefly to smash the HEAV containing CEO's Hot Yet Competent Daughter and the remnants of the Apex Paramilitary Gang. Woo! Team Kong is allowed to follow unharmed, if you don't count them having to dodge two Kaiju smashing their way through Hong Kong when they emerge.
Round Two- FIGHT!
Kong and Godzilla, as stated, smash up the place. Kong is mostly on the defense, using his "Thinking Animal" ability and greater agility to swing from building to building, dodging attacks. As usual, the buildings are far less lucky. When Godzilla unleashes his atomic breath, the axe blocks it and gets supercharged. Kong uses his brightly glowing weapon to lay Godzilla out flat and have a building fall on him.
Kong Wins.
Godzilla has an Apex Titan job to do with Mechagodzilla, and is freakin' done monkeying around (HA!) at this point, as we reach-
The Big G goes feral, at some points crawling on all fours like a wild, oversized, crocodile... thing possessed. He's clawing biting, breathing on, and shaking Kong around like a rag doll. It ends with Kong still roaring but Godzilla firmly stomping on the Big Ape's chest, establishing himself as the true King of Monsters. Kong is down and out. (As it should be for this conflict, honestly.)
Godzilla Wins- Flawless Victory.
Kong is battered beyond moving and his heart is slowing. Team Kong arrives and Jia has some tender, sign language moments with him.
With a flair for the dramatic, Mechagodzilla chooses this moment to erupt from the mountainside as the sun rises, laser breath's half of Hong Kong, and beats the living snot out of Godzilla, already winded from the last battle. Things are looking really bad for Godzilla, as Mechagodzilla is about to use his own trick from the Muto battle in the otherwise boring 2014 film and breathe directly down Godzilla's throat.
Fortunately for our hero, Team Kong and Team Godzilla are on the case.
Team Kong- Science Mom recalls the massive electromagnetic pulse previously referenced that Chekov's HEAV can produce. Tarzan flies it onto Kong's chest and makes like a giant defibrillator in the silliest on screen example of heart medicine since the unconquerable champion King Kong Lives thirty-three years previously. Jia gives Kong a pep talk about helping Godzilla against the greater evil. Kong reluctantly stands and resignedly grabs his axe, wearing a "fine I'll do it, but I'm tired and won't enjoy it" expression I have worn to many a business meeting.
Team Godzilla- Deadpool II Kid is unable to hack Mechagodzilla's control panel. However, Fun Conspiracy Nut decides not to face death sober, pulling out Chekov's Flask, which he carries for past alcoholic widower reasons (TRAGEDY!) Deadpool II Kid remembers a computer rule dating back to at least the Atari 2600- "Never pour liquids into the cartridge slot." The resulting sparks give Mechagodzilla pause. (Insert my rant here about how they always seem to have to add people helping for the defeat of Mechagodzilla. Such human hubris.)
FATALITY!
So, Godzilla rightly wins the clash between the two hero Kaiju, but "The Eighth Wonder of the World" has an impressive victory of his own.
Nicely done!
Team Godzilla emerges from the wreckage, and Madison finds her Dad, who I really liked in the last movie and felt was unjustly cut in this one. Not to mention the complete removal of the Shobjin equivalents...but never mind that now.
Team Kong hugs a lot, Jia signs with Kong a bit, and the two former foes give each other, "You did good, Bro" nods before Godzilla goes back to the ocean, and Kong contemplates his life choices.
After an unknown time, we see Science Mom, Jia and Tarzan visiting Monarch's new Hollow Earth research station, where Kong is the lonely King of his domain. Woo!
Click for the follow up to address that loneliness a couple years later, where things get crazier!
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