Thursday, October 20, 2016

Bondlets: Die Another Day


What a way to screw up a Fortieth Anniversary.

My daughter was not a big fan of the remix of the gun barrel theme, the whole opening credit torture scene, nor Bond’s treatment during it.

She got excited when she recognized Hong Kong, though.

I got excited that she recognized Hong Kong as well. Clearly we have been watching enough of this kind of film.

While she objected to his barging into a yacht club in his disheveled state, she objected far more strongly to the “gift” sent up to his room.

“Peaceful Fountains of Desire!?!?!
That's her name?
Why is she eating a fig?  This movie has issues!”

That was pretty much her mantra for this film.
At first she found some of it “So weird its funny” but once we got to
“Blood from the torso” to win the sword fight, we were firmly locked onto:
“This movie has issues.”

She, my wife, I and probably everyone who sat through it concluded the sword fight was far too long and got boring.

Good acting always wins thought, and my daughter stated out loud once more:
“I really like this M.”

Similarly, the Q scene was a hit in our home, along with Bond demonstrating what most people think of extended instruction books.  We were all sad that John Cleese didn’t get to do any more turns as M.I.6’s  armorer.  The VR fake out scene also caused an emotional reaction:

She was startled to find Miranda was an agent, but experienced enough to know Jamesbonding was “inevitable” in spite of her “no fraternization” speechifying.
She felt proven correct when they had to kiss each other to hide later on:
“There it is…and I liked her.”
She restated that sentiment when it was revealed that she was the evil mole.
“It was her…man; I liked her better than the other girl.”

Clearly there is far too much just enough yet still quite a bit of Doctor Who in our lives based on the following quotes about Graves and his medical condition:
“He doesn’t sleep?  Oh, he’s a robot.”
“A special sleep mask? Where are the killer eye boogies?”

I have mentioned previously that the writing quality descended to the lowest factors whenever Bond and Jinx traded forced sounding quips.  My daughter had an interesting opinion of those as well:
“What is this garbage?” 

She noticed most of the tributes that showed up along the way to the past four decades of Bond. However, when 007 used the rebreather she didn’t say anything so I asked if she caught the Thunderball tribute.  She answered:
“I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention.”

I inquired, “Now or during Thunderball


Considering this film had elements of the main villain that made it a closer adaptation of the Moonraker novel than the often maligned Roger Moore film was, going the crazy laser route was one of many less than wise choices.
“This is stupider than Moonraker.”  

The characters’ intelligence was similar scoffed at.  During the lead up to the “dramatic” reveal of what Icarus really does, she blurted out.
“It’s a missile ray gun thing, duh!”

Side note:  Good thing the United States only owns ONE missile, or they wouldn’t have needed James Bond at all for this one.

I had no real defense for her tuning out during much of the story, but tried to get her attention for the action scenes she usually likes.

She stared blankly at the rocket car- space beam-para surf adventure. 
I tapped her arm, but before I could ask anything, she said:
“That was terrible blue screen and CGI at the same time!”

I tried again saying, “The car chase is kinda cool.”
She cranked up full teenager mode for that one, with a hearty:

Having seen Jaws and many other henchmen come back from ridiculous fates, she did keep hold of the idea that Zao was fine as his car went through various horrors in the collapsing ice hotel…

Right up until the chandelier fell on him.
“Now, he’s dead.”

As much as I am a fan, nay a connoisseur of well used profanity in film, I have to agree with my daughter’s view that Jinx’s “Bitch” at the end of yet another overextended fight scene was not needed and added absolutely nothing to the film.

Her last two observations also were perfectly in line with my thoughts on what became the end of “classic” Bond.

A)  Moneypenny’s fantasy trip using the Virtual Reality goggles:
“Whaaaaaaat????  I wish I never saw that.  Totally out of character.”

B) Her final thought:
“It was so so so long.”

No comments: