Thursday, April 28, 2011

Musical Risk Analysis

At work, we had many lengthy meetings trying to find a failure mode root cause by using a Fishbone Diagram (sorting reasons into Man, Machine, Method or Mother Nature).  At home, I was reading a lot of Dr. Seuss to my daughter.  We also had a great deal of snow to clear off the driveway. This is typical response my brain has to large amounts of stress, rhyming and unpleasant labor.

Fishbone of my Heart
Lyrics by Jeff McGinley 3-16-2008
The kind of song Dion and the Belmonts would have sung…
If Dion was an engineer…
And at least partially insane.

[Slow and teenage lamenty]

You were my gi-irl, but now I’m your fool.
To find what went wro-ong, there’s only one tool.
A trick I picked u-up in engineering schoo-ool….

[Faster with do-woppy background vocals and requisite wailing saxophones]

(Yeah I’m gonna do a fishbone)
Fishbone of my heart,
(Fishbone) Cause you tore it apart.
(Fishbone) Need that one failure mode,
That made you pile all my stuff right out in the road.

(Method) Was my method so poor?
(Method) That you found me a boor?
(Method) When you dressed for the prom,
And you found me on the back porch groping your mom.

(Material) Of material I donned,
(Material) You were never quite fond.
(Material) It was wrong I suppose,
Choosing green and orange paisley prints for all of my clothes.

(Fishbone) Whoah-oh oh o-oh,
(Fishbone) Hey Ay A-A-Aay,
(Fishbone) Whoah-ho-ho-ho Oh-A-Ay,
Dom diddly dom diddly –Oy va-ay!

(Mother) Well that nature’s a mother.
(Mother) Wrecking dates like no other.
(Mother) That’s the clear reason why,
We almost drowned ice skating on the Fourth of July.

(Man) Was I not man enough,
(Man) Though I’m hairy and rough?
(Man)  You created that war,
When you caught me trying on your shoes your stockings and bra-r.

(Fishbone) Fishbone of my heart,
(Fishbone) Cause you tore it apart.
(Fishbone) Need to find the root cause
Why you knocked me down the stairs and started cheerful applause.

[Fadeing out]
(Fishbone) Whoah-oh oh o-oh,
(Fishbone) Hey Ay A-A-Aay.
(Fishbone) Whoah-ho-ho-ho Oh-A-Ay,
Dom diddly dom do an –F M E A-Ay.

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