Thursday, March 15, 2012

Up the Lake: Oh, a Tasteful One.

The ample viewing area for the shed turned stage (far right).
This one is NOT my fault. 

There was one summer Up the Lake where the kids were all far more musical than usual.  To understand how amazing this was, one must realize that all kids tend to be exceedingly musical up there all the time.    This musicality includes things like:

My cousin and sister spouting a chorus of “Tomorrow” (mainly to annoy me) to indicate anything that will be done the next day

An infinite variety of aquatic spinning in a circle songs, in Italian and English.

De-profanitied Up the Lake versions of World War Two marching cadences (often reprofanitied around the campfire by the grandparents once the little uns had gone to bed.)

That year was out of control though. One of the little Joes in particular was constantly singing and dancing: on surfboards, out in the middle of fields and primarily on top of the tool shed. 

He sang existing songs such as "The Macarena" (in what he repeatedly assured everyone was Spanish).

He also sang song parodies, one of which including a ballet performance that put him dangerously close to plummeting off the edge of the shed –
The Four Hundred Thirty Seven days of Christmas
(“…Three French guys, two turtle shells, and a bird in a tree)

The crowning musical achievement performed that year by Joe and all his cousins and friends (and me too) was a classic written the year before by his sister Ashley -

To be sung in a Jamaican accent:

Yest-a-day...IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII met mah friend,
He was singin'
(Repeat until beaten…)

Then change:
“He was singin’”
“His name was”
(Repeat until beaten again)

One of the parodies Joe serenaded us with from his shed top stage was only the chorus of the song that follows. 

I did not want to write this song.

I tried not to write this song.

I listened only to instrumental music for weeks.

I hid my copy of the video tape of the film with the original tune is on the soundtrack of to avoid inspiration.

 And yet the beast grew in my head anyway. 

Honestly, you’re much better off stopping here, scrolling back up and reading Ka-ka-bo-she-mo-a! several more times.

However, any eight to ten year old boy you know would probably love it....please help me.

“I Believe I Can Poop”
Parody of “I Believe I Can Fly" by R, Kelley from the Space Jam Soundtrack
Lyrics mostly by me
The "bombs away" line by Little Joe
 (it’s really not my fault)

I used to think that I would never go
Time in the bathroom many hours long
But now my internal blockage is free
I have no more irregularity

If I can squeeze it, then I can do it
If I push hard on  it, there's nothing to it
I believe I can poop
I sit down and my shorts do droop
Not  in the latrine every night and day
Now I flush and walk away
I believe I can void
My fam-ly no longer will be annoyed
I believe I can poop
I believe I can poop
I believe I can poop

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Then I passed wind, it did seem so loud
Its a miracle that's set me free I bet
Now I can finally leave the toilet

If I consume it, then I can pass it
If I eat beans with it, then I can gas it
I believe I can poop
Caveman size just like Alley Oop
Now I eat fiber like a bale of hay
Spread my buttcheeks and bombs away
I believe I can dump
Go get a plunger or a big sump pump
I believe I can poop
I believe I can poop
I believe I can poop


Lynda said...

You're right. I should have stopped when I had the chance.

Jeff McGinley said...

Hey, I warned ya! Thanx for trying.

Bruce Fieggen said...

What? And miss out on any form of potty-humor? Not on your life. I immediately shared it with my sons .

Jeff McGinley said...

Thanx Bruce, glad for the help in spreading it around. (Perhaps not the right choice of words.)