Transformers Rewatch Original Season 3I

Money Is Everything

We have the introduction of a Dollar Store Han Solo for the franchise. 

Not even a Dollar Store Harrison Ford. 

He looks more like Dollar Store Perry King Radio Series Han Solo. He’s chased by the Mythobominacons. Sigh. 

Of course, as they always need to focus on combiners, he’ll be saved by the Technobots, who are all annoying. 

Wait, the horse head motorcycle Technobot's name is “Afterburner.” They’re not even trying with theming anymore.

At least Marissa is with them.

Oh, Drill guy IS a Technobot. So why were there six new individuals in the last… y’know what, forget it.
New guy’s name is Dirk Mannus (of course it’s “Dirk”) and his ship is the Lazy Sue. Yup, he’s a Scoundrel.
He’s working for Quintessons on Saturn (what a shock) and being a Scoundrel, wants recompensing for his payment from the Earth Government. Therefore, he and Marissa go out dancing. (what.) Kick him in the nuts Captain Fairbourne!

Sigh. Marissa is thought of less by the writers than Rodimus. Scoundrel just shot the gun out of the Captain’s hand. This is why Autobots bring teenagers to help instead of adults.
Ooh! she got his gun. Kick him in the nuts! And, she’s down.
The Mythabominocons work for the Quintessons, too. So, are the creators of Cybertronians still making their own Transformers? Are they on loan from Galvatron? You guys keep throwing those LORE things at the end of each episode. How about a helpful one? 

Autobots just fly through space on their own now. They gave up on Omega Supreme, I guess.
The thing about the Technobots being annoying is each one is uniquely annoying in their own way. It’s kind of impressive. Plus, the Mythabominocons are even more annoying. They’re like dumber, no fun Dinobots that combine.
What is Marissa’s accent?
The Scoundrel has brought the Quintessons a molecular disassembler reassembler that heals. So… it’s a transporter. Nifty.
The Quintessons cheated him. What a surprise from the evil capitalists. And they also put bomb on his ship, which he didn’t check for. What a schmuck. 

Ah, he’s calling them “Five headed creeps,” though all the ones he’s met, in fact, have one face. Perhaps the five face thing is a myth they perpetuate about themselves.
Hey, there are some Sharkticons too. Why not? Perhaps the Quintessons would do better if they didn’t only employ the stupidest Transformers to work for them?
There is quite a lot of vegetation on Saturn’s moon. Who knew?
Marissa for the win! She decks him in the middle of a gun fight.
Oh, never mind, we’re trusting the Scoundrel again. Ewww. Stop kissing the skeeze.
He betrayed her. Again. Earth shoulda sent Daniel.
Wait, the Scoundrel is using his zappy teleportation thing to heal the Technobots. And… Marissa’s down again. Her mom didn’t have to deal with being written like crap.
Oh look… a Combiner fight. Again. I’m starting to think they were running out of ideas for things the new toys could do. Too bad remembering the benefits of focusing on a few characters was still decades away.
Still, though brief, it was an exceptionally drawn fight.

Why is Marissa still nice to this ass? What a shock. He kissed her and left, stealing all the money.
Oh, wait… Ha! She conned him. 

They both have a wistful laugh at a distance… fine. Now, blow up his ship.
Time for Cassette lore, again. It’s worth it to not see any more of the Scoundrel.

The Face of the Nijika

The big two Autobot leaders are travelling in Sky Lynx with Blurr and (of course) Perceptor. Man, Blurr grates really fast. I remember him being more fun. I believe I have lost some patience in my old age. (Every member of my family- "SOME!!!???")
Galvatron has picked a fight with a giant Quintesson thing and dragged Cyclonus along who is trying to leave. Good luck my beleaguered friend.
The Autobots exit Sky Lynx after being told to grab their rocket packs! FINALLY!
I need to point out that Perceptor is flying around in space as a giant microscope. That is all.

Everyone has fallen in the warp gate. This one is a wormhole to an Alien Samurai planet. OK then.
Perceptor has a universal emulator. (Sure) And because of that, or something, he’s stuck in microscope form… which, remember, is basically a laser tank. Why is this a problem?
They go out of their way to talk about an analysis showing the planet is particularly dense. With the amount of focus on that, one would think it would come up again. One would be incorrect.
Seriously, can someone shoot Blurr?
The Alien Samurai are larger than humans. I’m used to this by now.
OH NO! They removed Perceptor’s Universal Emulator! 

Not his Universal Emulator!

How will he function without his Universal Emulator
WHAT IN THE HELL IS A UNIVERSAL EMULATOR?

(Little shout out to Lou Waters there. Don't mind me.)
Anyway, it’s located behind and attached to his Autobot logo, which the oversized Samurai has cut out and placed in a tiny Geisha robot’s head, making the logo her face. Man, when they weren’t hawking combiners, the writers went for it this season in the loopy idea department.

Ah, the tiny Geisha robot now speaks with Perceptor’s voice. That’s not creepy at all.
Why is she tiny? Good, some back story. Ah, she is “Nijika the Sky Dancer” a tiny robot Geisha astronaut… as per usual. 

Oh, everything wrong is the Quintessons’ fault. I know, shocking.
Given all the other races are bigger than us, she’s probably about human size.

Cyclonus comes down and asks the Samurai army to help. Smart move.
The Big Two Autobot leaders have forgotten to transform when ambushed. This leads Rodimus Prime to slide off a cliff when being attacked by a Samurai riding a giant llama. Why do the writers hate him so?
Nice, Rodimus returns in time to save-ish Ultra Magnus. It’s something, anyway.
Yes, we know Perceptor is the only one with a Universal Emulator, and his personality is in it. But WHAT IS IT?
The natives have Blurr suspended over a vat of hot oil. I don’t think that’s the threat they think it is.
Honestly, I have no idea how tall the Samurai are. Somewhere between the height of a human and Ultra Magnus… maybe.

The Quintesson has just incited a riot against his own people. This is where the Autobots inherited being morons from. 

They did grab the mini-geisha-astronaut-robot-Perceptor though. 

They pulled her face off!!!! To get the Universal Emulator! Maybe we’ll finally learn what it is. (Spoilers- we do not.)
THEY DROPPED BLURR IN!!!!
To a nice bath, that lets him fix a damaged part. Told you. 

Man! Blurr kicks butt when he shuts up. He really is Devcon.
Magnus and Cyclonus locked are in combat while flirting again. “Two different worlds…”
They have come back from the pocket universe the alien Samurai Planet was in, as has the planet. That was less than obvious.
Oh, it was a planet of telepaths the Quintessons were worried about standing against them, so they locked them in the wormhole because their telepathy was powered by starlight… like it often is. (Man, those writers were smoking the good stuff, no?)
The Autobots left on Sky Lynx. Where have you been? Your giant dual form would have helped in the battles, dude. Do you have “Omega Supreme Syndrome?”
Cassettes lore AGAIN. That’s a problem watching them in the right order

Note- As this is his last appearance, I need to point out something I knew but forgot and was reminded of on a Facebook Transformers group. Perceptor was the franchise creator's favorite character. That explains a great deal. 

(Yet nothing about Blaster. The comic book writer liked him, but that's a different universe.)

The Burden Hardest to Bear

Broadside takes on Devastator (good to see you!) and Predaking on his own. This big guy should have been on more. 

Aside- Oh heck, that’s embarrassing. Looking up to confirm if it was Broadside or Broadsides, I not only learned it’s the former, but also that he is a triple changer, with his other form being a space ship. That means he may have been the transportation in a bunch of space episodes this season. Well, I did need a reason to watch them again, without having to constantly look away to take notes!
There are Pterodactyl storks in Japan. Oh, how wild is the far future of 2006.
Astrotrain! They brought a bunch of the old guys back for this one.
And the Aerialbots of course.
Bruticus and Defensor just fell on a ninja school. Nice Protecting there Protectobots.
Dang, everyone is in this one. Cyclonus has all the Season Two Seekers with him.
Kup and Rodimus show up at the end on Sky Lynx and Rodimus gets his can chewed on by the Japanese government for all the damage. Rodimus just leaves, Good for you, man.
Oh, maybe not. Mope. Mope. Mope.
Captain Fairbourne is here to talk some sense into him. HEY! Stop snapping at her. Boy, the writers hate him.
What a coincidence that they are in Japan so that Kup can do a title drop referencing “Giri” which means “The Burden Hardest to Bear.” He says the same thing happened to Optimus Prime when he got the Matrix. Yeah, but that was NINE MILLION years ago, so maybe cut Rodimus a little slack.
The Decepticons left TWO Stunticons on Earth to monitor things. Maybe leave the other three… y’know for merging purposes?
Marissa follows to give Rodimus a talking to. But he’d rather RACE! Or revel in combat against those Stunticons. Better than moping, anyway. 

Get ‘em Rod… oh, he went off a cliff again.
AND
The Autobot Matrix of Leadership.

Which specifically chose him...
Fell.
Out.
Why do the writers hate him so much?
Marissa goes to help and doesn’t do much. I miss Spike.
Galvatron, The Matrix does not go in your arm. Oh crap, he woke up the prime ghosts.

Galvatron- “Scourge, take this and Destroy it.” Yeah. Trust him. It’ll be fine.
Why does Scourge suddenly have a clue?
I’m busy checking out the nice background sci fi art while The Matrix is warping Scourge and making him cry.

Hi Springer! I guess they figured it was the last round before the finale.
Rodimus turned back into Hot Rod! 

And he’s going to suck even more now and decide not to rescue The Matrix. The writers gave up on my boy.

Nice Decepticon crowd scene for Scourge’s return and we learn The Matrix made him… lumpy.
Ew, that was a very morphy transformation.
Galvatron and Cyclonus uniting to get the Decepticons back under con… oh Galvatron punched him, forget that.
Really, What the hell is Marissa’s accent.
Hot Rod joined the ninja school, which is puzzling as 

A) How did he fit in the door?
B) Didn’t two fifty foot tall Combiners fall on it a little while ago?

Cool! Galvatron is in the old Unicron provided ship. It’s nice they brought so much back.
Speaking of "so much:" So much for Broadside having a moment. Whatever that Matrix enhanced blast Lumpy Scourge fired, he’s gonna need some time in the shop… or shipyard. Or shipshop? Whatever.
A human Ninja just hamstringed Scourge. It is true about that Katana steel.
Is this finally Hot Rod’s time to shine? He accepts his destiny, ducks and shoots to take out Lumpy Scourge, Nice!

He reclaims The Matrix. Also Nice!.

Oop. Galvatron and Cyclonus found no longer lumpy Scourge. BOOM! Dang, he’s gone. 

Earth is still a planet full of Decepticons? That is a problem. But the return of Rodimus Prime will save the day!
No, it won’t. Galvatron flies off and the rest of the Decepticons just follow him. The writers hate Rodimus SO MUCH.
At least Rodimus Prime realized he found “not just the Matrix, a missing part of “ 

*Pause for drama* 

“myself.” 

What a great start to redemption arc. Or it could have been if they didn't go down the road of the next episode.
Decepticon LORE. It’s their favorite one.

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