Christmas Village 2014

To Explore a Strange New Christmas

Or

A Fully Armed and Operational Holiday

The unlikely alliance forged in combat against the Abominable Giant Mutant Alien Clown Penguin has only strengthened over time.  The bonds have grown out of necessity as the pooling of the two teams’ resources to create a vehicle capable of determining the origin of the beast unlocked a terrifying discovery.  When the 50^th Anniversary of Hess Trucks G. I. Joe crew plotted back along the fiend’s arrival vector, they discovered a worm hole connecting to myriad other universes.

That’s right; it was an Extra-Dimensional Abominable Giant Mutant Alien Clown Penguin.

Realizing that creature could only be the tip of the iceberg of what could invade our dimension (as in, anything in my house that isn’t nailed down) the Joes and Cobras bonded more tightly together as the only line of defense for their reality.

As we look over the Plateau today, results of initial contact missions through the wormhole are already underway.

Ace and Wild Weasel work feverishly to dismantle the F-22 “Hiss Elimination Sky Striker” and the Trubble Bubble to provide parts needed to service the new space craft.  Serpentor and General Hawk are in the midst of a deep discussion. It’s partially about how to prepare for any possible inter-dimensional invasions, but mostly about whose turn it is to pose impressively atop the Air Support Mobile base.  Breaker is desperately trying to get the General’s attention due to a communication he’s received that will likely alter the course of Christmases yet to come.

Bum BUM BUUUUM!

On the other side of the Air Support Mobile base, we see one of the visitors contacted through the dimensional portal. Instead of repairing his egg ship, he has instead spent the time reprogramming the B.A.T.T.s to “get down and get funky.”  They will likely have a new career backing up pop stars as the “Shaz-Bots.”  Meanwhile, Snow Serpent and Snow Job (Yes…Snow Job) continue to work together after a full year to get the stupid missile launcher to stop falling off of the Combat Snow Plow.  Once again stationed outside his element, the poor Desert Viper has dropped dead from exposure.  The Snow boys will scoop him up once they get the C.S.P. up and running.

The additional trans universal visitors are near the “High-speed Extra-dimensional Search Ship.”  (Once again, extra bonus thank yous to my daughter for giving up playing with the awesome new truck for a month.) An ambassador from the Planet Vulcan negotiates information exchanges with “G I Joe Sergeant Stalker” (stupid trademark laws) and Major Bludd.  The ambassador travels with a Fleet Captain, and former starship commander, who compares energy weapon performance with “G I Joe Sergeant Flash.”  The “G I Joe Sergeant Space Craft” (sorry, got a little punchy there) is being prepped for its next mission via the engineering degree of Grunt and…um…let’s call it the inverse of the sabotage skills of Firefly.

Over by the “Helicopter Extraction Shipping Service,” a Cobra officer requests a trip down for his two exhausted Vipers, currently sleeping under the front of the copter. Heavy Duty and a Cobra Claw rest in the back of the vehicle for the trip and compare the merits of a .30 Cal Machine Gun and the U.L.G.  The latter two are the standless Spy Troops figures, but not the Vipers. I may be getting lazy in my old age…or I’ve reduced the number of soldiers on foot to stem the tide of profanity that usually hovers over the plateau.   At least Roadblock and the Cobra Bazooka Trooper are upright.  They have to be as they search for the trooper’s helmet.  How it vanished over the summer from being sealed in two Ziploc bags added to the aforementioned profanity cloud a tad.

With new possible enemies from above, Shipwreck and Cover Girl have pointed her Wolverine missile tank’s armament skyward.  With a complete and total lack of actual threats, Bombstrike takes the opportunity to sunbathe on the vintage ‘80’s war wagon. Bazooka and Scrap Iron fiddle with each other’s heavy weapons because…HEY, knock off that snickering, this is a family village.

The cooperation and camaraderie extend below the plateau as well. Joe and Cobra Ninjas, and Billy from Predator, indulge in gymnastic ladder games because: “WHEEEEEEEEEE!”  Destro and the Baroness, and Flint and Lady Jaye take advantage of the lull in hostilities to spend some quality time together.  (Awwwwwwwwwwwww!)  Pet owners Mutt (with Junkyard the dog), Spirit (with Freedom the eagle) and Croc Master (with Señor Twinkles McFluffernutter the Wonder Gator) have welcomed the inexplicably appearing large monitor lizard into their group. The Pet Club has allowed the reptile to make his home in the back of Barbecue’s Fire Truck. (Awwwwwwwwwwwww!)  Barbeque is about to leap in his truck and drive away, before the storage bay is filled with giant lizard poop.

Zartan, and the Dreadnoks kick back with Clutch, Rock n’ Roll and Gung Ho, talking motor cycles and mayhem.  Zanya frolics nearby, imbuing the swamp truck with a fruity scent…for reasons lost in the mists of time beyond the abilities of my daughter or me to remember how she got co-opted into this foolishness.

But all is not as peaceful as it would seem…

The Crimson Guardsmen and Iron Grenadier are only pretending to relax lying up against the Cobra Command Vehicle. (Dude, I am seriously getting lazy.)

They and the CG leaders Tomax and Xamot are actually highly alert and protecting a secret meeting between Cobra Commander and the passengers of a shuttle that snuck through the Dimensional Warp while everyone was singing Kumbaya.  The other end of Breaker’s emergency communique is revealed as Beachhead, relaying the news of this meeting he discovered on a routine recon with Snake Eyes and Scarlett.

The Green Beret and Two Ninjas (another good name for a band) have stumbled upon the Commander’s negotiations to betray the Joes.  The Cobra leader is meeting with the head of the “Fighting 501^st Vader’s Fist” legion and Commander Cody. (Yes, George Lucas may be a bigger geek than we fans of him are.)

They bring messages from their dark masters, which could lead to destroying the peace as the First Cobra-Sith alliance sets its sights far beyond the domination of a single world.

Will Cobra Troops flock back to Cobra Commander with his increased power base?

Will the truce be shattered?

Will Barbecue have to trade in his ax for an economy sized cold blooded pooper scooper?

Tune in next year!

With a new Star Wars film on the way, and the 50^th Anniversary of Star Trek the year after that, it can only get crazier.

Bonus Shots:

To highlight the two sides of my daughter, first here is the completely traditional Christmas Village she laid out.

If you ignore the drowning hobo in the pond.

On the other hand, she requested I also show the Marvel figures she chose for upstairs display this month, along with her reasoning.

There's the chubby Kingpin as Santa,
Fiery haired Phoenix as Mrs. (Jessica) Claus.
Sprite like Impossible Man, Nightcrawler and Wasp as the elves:
Jingle Bells, Jangle Bells and Tinsel,
Lockheed the tiny Dragon as Vixen the littlest reindeed,
Big scary hairy Sasquatch as the Bumble,
and of course
Anguirus the Red Nosed Kaiju!


Sadly, in this version, Bumbles do not bounce...

The crocheted  TARDIS isn't a seasonal decoration, it's always there, which brings me to one last point.

Besides the fact that she allows and encourages this silliness every year, my wife has her own additions.

For example, she bought this set of Santa mooning a horrified reindeer.

She was also responsible for the design and execution of the last image.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, come back next December to see what happens next on the plateau.

Until then, Ghost Rider Says.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good blast of hellfire!

Click here for past villages other Christmassy stuff, 
and some explanation of the multiple running gags.