Monday, September 11, 2023

Three Worlds of Gulliver Through a Kid's Eyes


On actors:
Anabelle- "Which Sinbad is he?"
Me- "The one with the Genie."
Anabelle- "Oh, the worst one."

On an odd opening:
Anabelle- "What is he doing?"
Me- "Chasing a chicken."
Anabelle- "I see that.
His hair is horrific."

On learning they owe money for the house they want to "Mr. Grinch:"
"Is this Whoville? 
That’s why everyone is small!"

On the leading lady's makeup:
Both- *Long detailed complaints about her foundation*
Anabelle- "It's the wrong color."
Rosa- "There's too much and it's too light."

On strange relationship ways of old movies:
"Wait why did they break up?"

On names:

On confronting his fiancé, the stowaway, and falling off the ship:
" 'L!'  Get wrecked!
Is this when his travels begin?"

On Gulliver waking up on the beach tied up by the Lilliputians:
Rosa-  "Whoah! What happened?"
Anabelle- "I told you, there are tiny people."
Rosa- "No, Gulliver had a huge growth spurt."
Anabelle- "Why is he moaning like that?"

On introducing the cowardly Minister of Finance:
"I hate that guy."

On names, again: 
What kind of name is Lemuel?
That’s stupid.

On Gulliver inquiring, "Why am I tied down?"
"You’re huuuuuuuge."

On some of the early rear projection to show the size differences:
"Whoah, it looks soooo good"

On the Finance Minister stirring up more trouble:
"I hate that guy"

On Gulliver calling the Lilliputians "giants:"
"He is so confusing. 
What’s his dumb name again? Lilly pad?"

On Gulliver getting rid of the rain by blowing a cloud away:
"That’s not how that works."

On Gulliver stating he's hungry"
Rosa- "He’ll eat all of their cows."
Anabelle- "Cows aren’t tiny."
Rosa- "Neither are people."
Anabelle- "Good point
Let me eat these people, instead."
*A short while later*
Rosa and Anabelle- "A TINY COW!
We have questions."

On the filming settings:
"Him and the king are climbing on the exact same rock."

On Gulliver tearing up trees for the Lilliputians:
"Somebody call the Lorax!"

On Gulliver fishing for the Liliputians:
Rosa- "Will he catch a Gulliver sized fish?"
Anabelle- "He's using his hat as a colander!
Not the pirate hat!"

On other films in this set:
Anabelle- "Isn’t this a Ray Harryhausen film? 
Where’s the stop motion?"
Me- "There will be some."
Anabelle- "Not enough. Boo! Hiss!
This would be better with the Minaton."

On Gulliver falling down:
Rosa- "He definitely killed people."
Anabelle- "What happens if he has to go to the bathroom?"

On their method of elections:
"They choose the Prime minister by juggling."
*looks at me* 
"You should go to this town."

On old time fashion:
Anabelle- "His tights are stupid."
Me- "They’re socks."
Anabelle- "Whatever they are, they’re stupid."

On Gulliver's egg speech to Blefuscu:
"Gulliver they’re not listening to you.
They're going to stab you on your stupid socks.
He could solve the war by making scrambled eggs. 
Or hard boiled. That’s what I would do."
*Pretending to be Blefuscu people*
"My god. It’s a giant… wet guy. 
Someone get this guy a haircut."
*Own voice again*
"Wait, didn’t he have a ponytail?"

On the big, song filled parade for Gulliver:
"what." *repeated many times*
"None of these people are singing."

On the Empress:
"I like her. Listen to that sweet voice."
*The Empress says the same thing*
"I could be in...
What’s this place called?
Why is everything Lillypad? 
Is he singing because he’s sloshed in the towns beer supply?
This movie is so stupid."

On the Lilliputians seen as Gulliver is leaving: 
"Those people are fully the same size as him."
*He reaches another island*
"Please tell me those people are normal size?"
*The giant girl appears*
"Oh no. Is she stop motion?
She looks like Pollyanna.
Row dummy. What if she eats you?"

On the little girl bringing Gulliver up to the king:
*Pauses movie*
"How did she get there? 
Why does she have a castle his size already?"
*restarts movie*
Don’t worry about the little talking man there’s a talking little woman here he goes with!"

On the stop motion crocodile:
"At last!!!"

On Gulliver and Elizabeth living in the little house in the girl's room:
"It’s like Tinker Bell Three -The Great Fairy Rescue."

On the child's name being "Glumdalclitch:"
Anabelle- "What’s the kid's name?"
Me- "Glumdalclitch."
Anabelle- "I can’t pronounce anything in this movie."
Rosa- "What’s her name?"
Me- "Glumdalclitch."
Rosa- "Oh, of course."

On Gulliver pointing out they aren't married yet:
The King- "You sure you know what you're doing? *winks*
*The film has various references to Gulliver and Elizabeth in their little house under a sheet*
Anabelle- "Ewwwwww
That was horrifying. I hated that whole scene."

On them sneaking out of the castle and having "nothing to worry about:"
*They are attacked by a GIANT stop motion squirrel*
That was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. 
This movie is picking up."

On Gulliver being the doctor to the queen:
Rosa- "How’s he going to operate, walk around in her intestines?"
*The Queen drinks his medicine and sleeps*
Rosa- "And now she's dead."

On meeting the Alchemist's creepy, goth daughter:
"She’s terrifying."

On Gulliver thwarting the alchemist's plan and explaining how using chemistry:
*Snapping fingers excessively*
"Gulliver is so cocky. 
Oh cool, he's using a cabbage indicator."

On the Alchemist putting a glass over Gulliver: 
This IS just like Tinker Bell Three -The Great Fairy Rescue.
Or like the other Harryhausen movie where the girl was tiny and went into the lamp. 
What is it with this man and tiny people?"

On movie speed:
"How long is this?
*pauses film*
"A hundred minutes? Seems like three thousand minutes."

On a possible escape:
Rosa- "Jump on the ferrets and ride!"

Glumdalclitch running away with Gulliver and Elizabeth in a basket:
"She’s gonna shake them up so they die."
*She throws the basket in the river*
"Oh she is.
They're gonna pull up to England in a huge basket."

On reusing filming locations:
"That’s the same rock from before.
Is he back at stupid, tiny town?"

On perspective and arriving in England:
"The basket is tiny? 
No its just in the distance.
Is he gonna start friggin' singing again?"

On the happy couple's ending:
"I swear. If they name their baby Glumdalclitch...
Wait, they're going back to the Grinch house? 
Maybe his heart is three sizes bigger."

On the film, overall:
"That movie was stupid. 
I like the squirrel part, though."

No comments: