Monday, September 4, 2023

Clash of the Titans through a Kid's Eyes


On mythology:
"I don’t know story as well as Jason. 
I may get Less angry."
On Danae and Perseus locked in the trunk and hurled into the sea:
Rosa- "Will someone open it?"
*Movie mentions their only hope is finding favor with the gods*
Anabelle- "Well..."

On recognizing boatloads of actors:
"I didn’t know these people first time
I was very wee."

On Zeus being called, "Father of the gods:"
"Father of everyone."
On Zeus's decision to destroy the town for tossing Perseus and Danae into the sea:
"I feel like people have done worse."
On Zeus's proclivities:
Rosa- "Is he [Zeus] the father of..."
Anabelle-"You can stop there. Yes he is."
*Perseus is called "Son of Zeus"*
Anabelle- "Who isn’t?"
On the order to "Let loose the Kraken:"
Anabelle- "Yeah!"
Rosa- "Doom! I say."
Anabelle- "What is that? That’s not a Kraken.
A Kraken is a squid."
Me- "And it's also Norse."
Anabelle- "Yes. Yet here it is."
On random topless scenes:
Anabelle- "OK..."
Me- "It was the Eighties."
Anabelle- "Did they not have clothes on this island?"
Rosa- "They didn’t have clothes in the Eighties."
On the mention of Phoenicia:
"Like the Phoenicians that we have to thank?"
On the appearance of Burgess Meredith as the playwright:
I should get my Penguin hat."
On Zeus appearing to Perseus:
Rosa- *Vader voice* "I... am your father."
Anabelle- "Yeah. He is."
On the large, and now recognizable, cast:
"Why are there so many random people in this movie?"

On Perseus heading out to town without his gifts:
Anabelle- "Imagine being called impetuous."
Rosa- "He didn't take the sword or the shield."
Anabelle- "'Cause he’s stupid. He takes after his father."
On an animal there for no reason:
Anabelle- "Why is there a baboon?"
Me- "It's a call back."
Anabelle- "Heh heh."
On the presentation of the challenge being a riddle:
Perseus- "A riddle. Is that all?"
Anabelle- "Geez Perseus. Tone it down."
On Cassiopeia:
"She's regal."
On Andromeda's plight:
Rosa- "Shouldn’t she be dead by now if she doesn’t eat."
*The giant vulture arrives with a cage*
Anabelle- "That’s a little large.
It looks like the baboon cage but smaller and less bedazzled."
On Perseus staring at sleeping Andromeda:
"That's a little creepy. 
Not gonna lie."
On Perseus wondering how he'll fly after the vulture:
Rosa- "Pegasus?"
Anabelle- "Maaaybe."
On Burgess Meredith's information dump:
Anabelle- "How does he know all this?"
Me- "He’s an actor, a poet. 
Knows all legends. 
Y'know, a storyteller."
Anabelle- "I guess."
On the return of the vulture:
Anabelle- "Aaaand, he’s back."
Me- "Every night."
Anabelle- "Is that how she survives without eating. 
She astrally projects to dinner?"
On Calibos threatening and ranting:
"I feel like this is ruining your chances Calibos."
On Perseus losing Pegasus:
Anabelle- "He’s a clown.
And there goes the helmet.
Rosa- "Is he going to lose the sword too?"
On Perseus's "going to get the princess" clothes:
Anabelle- "Look at his outfit. He's dressed to the nines."
*Thetis is angry, after Perseus wins Andromeda*
Rosa- "Is she going to do revenge?"
Anabelle- "Nooooo, Greek gods never do revenge."
Rosa- "Because there’s an hour left."
Zeus asking if Thetis wants justice or revenge:
"Revenge. What kind of question is that?"
On Perseus telling Andromeda he saw her asleep:
On Cassiopea declaring Andromeda "More lovely then Thetis herself:"
Rosa- "Uh oh!"
Anabelle- "Maybe don’t say that RIGHT in front of the statue."
*Thetis's statue comes alive gives an angry speech including location*
Anabelle- "That’s what I’m saying. At least say it outside.
Yeah. Sacrificial Rock!!"
On Burgess Meredith saying it is "Time for action:"
"This man has gotten you this far, Perseus."

On the soldier with interesting Eighties hair saying to go to the witches, and another's dress sense:
Rosa- "Who are you curly?"
Anabelle- "The heralds hat is ugly."
On Calibos's prosthetic:
Rosa- "He has a fork for his hand."

On Bubo:
*Clearly not impressed face*
*Bubo lands near an obelisk*
"Ooh the Washington monument!"
On the witches soup caldron having "parts" in it:
They eat people?"
*A guy in a cage moves*
He’s not done!"
On learning they have to find Medusa:
"Bubo is like, 'Oh Christ!'
Did you see that. He’s like, 'Uuuuggh.'"
On the three witches stating Medusa is in the Underworld:
"Why is she there?"
*Perseus throws their eye*
"Perseus, you fiend."
On them telling Andromeda the plan is to ride at dawn:
Rosa- "They’re going to leave her there,
as soon as she starts snoring."
*they do*
Anabelle- "She was left alone.
Oh no, the playwright is there. Wagh Wagh.
Look... a single tear. Aw."
On Perseus's outfit:
"A cloak is a fashionable accessory.
 Many ways to wear it."
On approaching the River Styx:
Anabelle- "Why don’t they find a bridge?
Bubo is not having it."
*Perseus blows the summoning horn*
Anabelle- "Play Perseus!"
Rosa- "Huh???"
Anabelle- "A lot of people in Greece have a horn like that."
*Charon comes*
Anabelle- "Whoah, tiny boat.
There's a couple of other guys in the boat but they're not important."
Rosa- "Redshirts?"
On filming locations:
Me- "That's the same temple they filmed the Harpies in for Jason."
Anabelle- "No. Do you not see them on the Isle of the Dead."
On Perseus stating that it is three against one:
Anabelle- "One what."
Me- "Medusa."
Anabelle- "Pfffft. That’ll go well."
On Ray Harryhausen's updated, snake bodied 
Anabelle- *collapses in hysterics*
Me- "Why are you laughing at Medusa?"
Anabelle- "She’s funny looking."
On Perseus beheading Medusa and holding the head aloft:
"He looks pretty cool. 
Someone should make a statue."

On Perseus turning around:
Rosa- "I don't want to see his butt."
Anabelle- "Why are you looking at his butt?"
Rosa- "It’s THERE!"
 *another topless scene happens*
Anabelle- "Why?"
Me- "There were laws. Every PG movie in the Eighties had boobs."
Anabelle- "WHY?"
Me- "It was that kind of time."
Anabelle- "A boob time?"
On the hero screwing up again:
"I love Perseus. He’s so stupid."
On Zeus moving pieces around the "board" at a whim:
Rosa- "Zeus just cheated at the chess game."
Anabelle- "When does he not?"

On future plans:
"After this can we watch Say Yes to the Dress?"
The god of the ocean shows up in a long fancy toga*
"Poseidon said yes to the dress."
On some sketchy rear projection:
Anabelle- "Look at that pristine effect."
Me- "Stop pissing on my childhood!"
On Andromeda chained to the rock:
"Her tear is back."
On Perseus having some problems with the Kraken:
Rosa- "Hurry up!"
Anabelle- "Perseus isn’t the most talented man. Oh!
He fell off the horse. 
You clown!" 
Rosa- "Did he get the head?"
Anabelle- "No because he’s stupid."
*The clockwork owl grabs the head*
Anabelle- "Bubo saves the day! 
She’s gonna marry Bubo now."
On Perseus hurling Medusa's head into the sea:
Rosa- "He just threw the head."
Anabelle- "All those poor fish."
*The people cheer*
Anabelle- "Yay! We have no fish!"

On the end credits:
"Yay. Ray Harryhausen."
*Shot of cheering crowd*
"Me when I see Ray."
On Zeus's final thoughts:
Zeus- "Fortune favors the brave."
Anabelle- "Fortune favors your son."

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