George Awards: Can You Tell Us…In Your Own Words

Warning

This post contains bad, foul, filthy and unacceptable language - the words that “will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without honor.”

This is not a post for children.  Kids, take a hike.

This is also not a post for those adults who are offended by this type of language.  Do yourself a favor, and go read some of my cute stuff before moral outrage can kick in.

Just about everything else on this blog is clean…Stupid sometimes, but clean.

End of Warning.

Welcome back to the continuing Third Edition of the George Awards. The salute to “Hell” is over, but we’ve still got time to kill, so its time for what may be the strangest edition of this type of recognition.

This week we start a salute to Artificial Swears.  Unlike one of the earliest awards, where the word was implied, this are made up words, entire made up languages, or mangling of existing languages to a point where recognition is impossible.   Basically, they’re however I could bend the phrase to end up with a list of ten.

Yes, it would be nice if I had more pride in my work…

Tough Shit.

Since we all know Blazing Saddles (1974) is due to show up sometime, let’s get it over with at number Ten again.

Actor Jack Starret’s insane vocal gymnastics were filled with what were probably off color words, or at least reasonable approximations thereof.  The George Award moment could be any time he opened his mouth, so we’ll go with the “Authentic Frontier Gibberish” at the town meeting:

“I wash born here,

an I wash raished here,

and dad gum it, I am gonna die here,

an no sidewindin' bushwackin',

hornswagglin' cracker croaker is gonna

*unintelligible*”

Yes there are screenplays online that have wordish things there, but nothing typeable matches what comes out of that bewhiskered mouth of his.

For Ninth Place, an odd inclusion. 

Actually, this whole concept and every single entry in it is an odd inclusion, but go with me here.

This one is extra odd, because the words themselves are not profane or foul in any way. In fact most of the time, when delivered by George Award Alum Leonard Nimoy, they’re almost a blessing.

However, Zachary Quinto’s delivery of the line in the 2009 reboot of Star Trek sounded like the Vulcan salute he threw with it should have had four less fingers raised.  The Vulcan Elders learned the hard way, never insult Spock’s mama based on his delivery of:

“Live Long and Prosper”

To keep the Sci-fi theme going, I’ll bend my own rules further…because they’re mine, damn it.  Battlestar Galactica was primarily a television series, but the pilot did get a theatrical release in an attempt to recoup the show’s insane budget.  The show balanced innocence with darker themes by mixing things like apes in robotic dog suits with a medic that was a former space hooker. 

No not mixing them that way, grow up.

Frak was the all-purpose expletive, and it was pretty obvious what it stood for. Number Eight on this list gives the George Award to a different word.  It shares consonant sounds and a multi syllabic nature with the two heaviest weight words on Mr. Carlin’s original list of Seven.  It’s also one I’ve thrown into my own tirades on many occasions.

“Feldercarb!”

Since Battlestar Galactica cannot be mentioned without also mentioning Star Wars (I believe there are several legal injunctions on that matter) the Seventh Place Made Up George Award will go to that franchise.  Steven Blum’s expulsions of “Karabast,” as Zeb in Rebels meet the same criteria as Feldercarb above. Then again, these are movie awards, meaning we’ll have to turn to the theatrical Long Time Ago Galaxy Far Far Away. 

When Jabba the Hutt first said this about Han Solo in 1983’s Return of the Jedi we all doubted the subtitle translation of “fodder” was accurate.  Lewis McLeod’s exclamation of it as the voice of Sebulba after his Pod Racer wrecked in 1999’s The Phantom Menace proved the term more accurately refers to the material a Bantha’s body would process fodder into:

“Poodoo!”

This one is partially in order to keep up the science fiction theme, but more importantly to repair the grievous offence of missing this film on the “fart joke” George Award lists.  That is why I am tossing the rules even further out the window and handing Number Six to Disney’s Treasure Planet.

I’m not sure if the George goes to the uncredited sounds of “Mr. Snuff” as an alien fluent in the language,

or of David Hyde Pierce for acting out  Dr. Doppler’s end of the conversation in Flatuala.  I’m not even sure if any of it was supposed to be bad words.  I don’t really give a rats ass about any of that, because I need to acknowledge a scene of a giant pirate slug and an alien dog man in a space suit making fart noises at each other in a Disney Animated Feature.

That’s enough made up shit for one week.  Come back next Monday for the rest of this increasingly more pointless list.