Monday, December 20, 2021

Christmas Village 2021

The Lovers, The Dreamers and America's Highly Trained Special Mission Force
Fifteen Seconds to Curtains- For Cobra

Wow, we've reached the fourteenth holiday battle following the same theme every time. 
You'd think I'd run out of ideas by now...
And you'd be right. 

Thanx to Anabelle for suggesting this when she cleared her other figures out of the way to make room for the Marvel Legends Twelve Days of Christmas.

On with the story...'cause there's always a story.

In an outstanding organizational turn of events for the group of evil doers, Cobra Commander has decided to take advice and a technological boost from Destro and his high tech MARS Corporation.  

The Metal Masked Scottish Lord (with, oddly, no hint of a Scottish accent) has provided Cobra with the ability to overtake the controls of any and all aircraft by remote control. They have captured most of the G I Joe air force onto Sluttbordet Plateau, including the newly released (thank you to Hess and Grandma) Hauling Express Service System cargo plane.


That plane was not only delivering the next generation Hiss Elimination Sky Striker, but also three members of a USO troop due to entertain the Joes.

More Horrors!

The Joes are at the base of the plateau this year (because it is their turn) working on a rather unusual plan to regain air superiority.

As usual, due to available vehicles, Barbecue's fire truck is the main access point to the upper level.  Something must be brewing as Barbecue is not on guard, but instead having a moment with the inexplicably appearing large monitor lizard.  Shipwreck is in the medical bay, because he always sits on the launchers of Cover Girl's Wolverine Missile Tank, and she actually fired at something this year.  Spirit Iron Knife with Freedom the Eagle is sulking behind the truck for reasons that will be made clear later.  While most of the GI Joe force has a relaxed attitude for other reasons that will be made clear later, Billy Mac and Blaine are climbing the ladder, since I flat out refuse to give up my Predator running gag.

Bombstrike sighted for Cover Girl, in order to help her shoot down the Joe's own Hiss Elimination Sky Striker and High-altitude Escape Suppression Strafer, before they could fall into enemy hands. Grunt uses his engineering skills to try to shield the vehicles from take-over, before fixing them.  Roadblock, 
Sergeant Flash and Gung Ho, being members of the heavy weapons squad who are not crappy Spy Troops figures and therefore have a ghost of a chance of standing up throughout the whole festive season, arrive to cover their teammates in case the aircraft are controlled by the enemy again. Ace has just air launched something off of the mobile platform, but since the usual planes are down, what it was will have to be made clear later as well.

Over at the command vehicle, the leader of the USO supplied Muppets, Kermit the Frog, has had a chat a while ago with General Hawk about how his friends have pulled off several rescues in their time.  Clearly, they are talking about how successful that is going as Sergeant Stalker is relaying through Breaker a mass call to return to base, and Flint and Lady Jaye are simply enjoying the show.  
(Hey, here's one of those "clear later" moments.  Sadly, there was no Sam the Eagle figure available to interact with Spirit and Freedom, which is why they are sulking.)
Doctor Teeth, Floyd, Janice and Zoot are following their usual maxim of "Don't get involved in politics, just play the gig."  I wanted Zoot to not follow that and be knocking over a Cobra guard by blowing his Saxophone at the guy's head. It would have been hilarious. Unfortunately, most Muppet figures are less stable than the crappy Spy Troops line, and I couldn't pull it off. Poop.

Even though I quoted Muppet Treasure Island a couple of lines ago, Scooter has returned to his Muppet Movie role and is selling Electric Mayhem Merch. Jinx and Bazooka are sad to find he's sold out already, because I was worried enough about losing tiny accessories for two sets of action figures. 
Statler and Waldorf come to watch any Muppet performance, and complain about it. This time they were able to heckle a group of  Cobra Ninjas and Battle Android Troopers sent behind enemy lines.
"Hey, look at the sneaky warriors dressed in ridiculous, loud costumes! 
I'm suuuuure no one will see them! 
Ha Ha Ha Ha!"  
Before any Joes could respond to their alert, Animal took offense at the attempted interference with the show and ... 
that was the end of the incursion. 
Beachhead, Mutt and Junkyard came to investigate and are learning the ropes of insults from the two old men. Scarlet and Snake Eyes, once they saw Animal had the issue under control, decided to take in the performance from a comfortable vantage point.

Up on Sluttbordet Plateau itself, we find the Hauling Express Service System cargo plane. Major Bludd and Wild Weasel began to fully transition it over to Cobra control when Fozzie Bear came out to tell them jokes both old and rare.  
And also terrible, to the point that they are now incapacitated. 
The Trubble Bubble can also be seen to have been knocked out of the sky by the RAM Cycle. This would be another later thing that is clear. Someone had the brilliant idea to fire the motorcycle and its occupants from the plane launching truck against the advice of Clutch. (At least the sharpie added beard of the extra Breaker figure is hidden this way.) Who could have come up with such a wild stunt?  The world may never know! (Or perhaps, more likely, the world will find out in a couple of paragraphs.)

Wild Bill was the pilot of the new cargo plane. He's helping out Clutch, and checking on the next generation Hiss Elimination Sky Striker. As the huge plane was coming in for a remote control landing, Rowlf decided to help their chances of escape by dropping his piano out of the cargo hatch It landed on Destro, the Baroness and their Iron Grenadier guard- in the proper key, no less. The hapless Desert Trooper tried to help the masterminds behind this amazing aircraft robbery, and was immediately pelted into unconsciousness by a well aimed bust of Beethoven.

The MARS Corporation is fine for basic munitions, but it doesn't hold a candle to the creativity of Muppet Labs. Using information provided by Snow Job (Yes...Snow Job) Doctor Bunsen Honeydew has upgraded the entire fleet of Combat Snow Plows which are forcibly pushing their way across the plateau. Beaker, the Doctor's ever faithful assistant is...fulfilling his usual role. Scrap Iron has been taken prisoner by his own weapon system that was assimilated by the newly advanced robotic vehicles. Snow Serpent wasn't as lucky, being plowed under with the rest of the snow.

But what of the third missing troupe member from the cargo plane, and the lunatic daring stunt of firing a motorcycle up the side of mountain? 
Disturbed at the low class culinary preferences of Zartan and the Drednoks preference for grape soda and chocolate covered donuts, The Swedish Chef exited the cargo hatch and immediately tried to whip up Cajun Alligator Meatballs for them, using  SeƱor Twinkles McFluffernutter as the main ingredient.  Naturally, the swamp based biker gang rebelled. The Chef, however, does not take kindly to be interrupted in the kitchen, and he does pack a blunderbuss. 
*Booma Booma*
Zarana, despite her fruity scent, managed to escape and hide while the Chef dealt with most of the gang.  The ones who made a run for it were flattened by chickens falling from the sky, travelling by flying motorcycle courtesy of Gonzo the Great. TA - DA!
Gonzo's triple somersault dismount reciting Shakespeare's eighteenth sonnet backwards in Pig Latin while playing castanets with his toes was not only artistically brilliant, but his landing took out two Cobra Vipers and the Bazooka Trooper.

In order to isolate the Helicopter Extraction Shipping Service from Cobra Command, Duke used his jetpack to fly behind Gonzo and his unwilling assistant.  One other Muppet, along with Kermit's nephew Robin, came along for the ride.  After Robin hopped onto the Cobra Claw from a damaging height, (Spy Troops- laying down in the village since 2004) he is helping Duke cover the enemy by using the Uncomfortably Large Gun. (Size juxtaposition...always funny.) The enemy doesn't look like it needs to be covered, though.

A trail of the unconscious members of the High Command of Cobra: Tomax, Xamot and the Crimson Guards under their command, plus Cobra Officer Bertram, and Cobra Commander himself have all been rendered unconscious by Duke's other passenger (which may or may not have required a Muppet Labs horsepower upgrade to the jetpack) 
MISS PIGGY!!   Hi-YA!!!!
Her little dog Foo Foo lent a paw by keeping Serpentor, the Cobra Emperor, at bay.

Lew Zeland would have taken part in the assault, but he was off getting the paper towels.

The Moral of the story is:
NEVER think, "Well, after that it can't possibly get any sillier next year!"

"It's time to raise the curtain, its time to light the lights 
its time to defend human freedom against Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world, on the Muppet Show tonight!"

No comments: