Mystery Star Trek Theater IV: WHALES!!!!

On the recap of Star Trek III:
Anabelle- “When do the whales show up? 
I may get restless.  
Are we gonna watch the last movie again?”
 
On the opening credits:
*The original theme plays*
Anabelle- “YAY!”
*Directed by Leonard Nimoy*
Anabelle- “YAY!”
*Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home*
Anabelle- “Home from what”

Me- “Vulcan... to Earth.”
Anabelle- “Where whales are!”
*Mark Lenard’s credit comes up right after Nichelle Nichols*
“YAAAAY!  *beat*

That’s for Uhura, Sarek.”
*Jane Wyatt as Amanda*
Anabelle- “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!”
*Majel Barret as Chapel*
Anabelle- “YAY!”
*Catherine Hicks as Gillian*
Anabelle- “Who’s Gillian?”
Me- “A new person”
Anabelle- “I’m sick of new people…
Ooh. Last time I said that, David died.”
 
On the giant probe:
Anabelle- “What’s that?”
Me- “A thing.”
Anabelle- “That’s not helpful.”
Me- “It’s V’Ger Mark Two.”
Anabelle- “It. Is. Not.”
 
On the trial starting with footage of the self-destruct:
Anabelle- “Oh look they’re watching StarTrek III”
*BOOM*
Anabelle- “Wow!
R.I.P. Enterprise.
Is this a trial because Kirk did thirty-seven illegal things?”
Klingon Ambassador- “We demand the extradition of Kirk! We demand justice!”
Sarek- “Klingon justice is a unique point of view, Mister President.”
Anabelle- “Ooh, did you see that guy in the crowd go,
‘Oh my God, Sarek!! He’s an icon.’?”
 
On Kirk standing next to the stolen Klingon ship:
Kirk- “Captain’s Log Stardate 8390”
Anabelle- “Dear Diary… I don’t know how I’m logging right now.”
Kirk- “We could learn a thing or two from this flea trap. 

It's got a cloaking device that cost us a lot.”
Anabelle- “Yeah, so did the one you stole from the Romulans…
Wait, how did the Klingons get one?”
*Insert long conversation where I try to explain the Romulan / Klingon alliances and she eventually gives up and says, “I don’t care.” *
 
On Spock’s training questions ending with “How do you feel?:”
Spock- “I do not understand the question.”
Amanda- “What is it, Spock?”
Anabelle- “Amanda! YEAAAAAH!!!!”
Spock- “I do not understand the question, Mother.”
Amanda- “You're half human. The computer knows that.”
Spock- “The question is irrelevant.”
Anabelle- “No, it isn’t. You clown.”
…

Amanda- “Spock. Does the good of the many outweigh the good of the one?”

Spock- “I would accept that as an axiom.”

Amanda- “Then you stand here alive because of a mistake,

made by your flawed, feeling, human friends.

They have sacrificed their futures because they believed that the good of the one,

you,

was more important to them.”

Spock- “Humans make illogical decisions.”

Amanda- “They do, indeed.”

Anabelle- “This girl is the funniest person ever.  

‘I’m gonna marry a Vulcan and be an absolute menace.’”

 
On Chekov and Sulu sitting on the opposite sides on the Klingon ship:
Anabelle- “They’re reversed. It’s weird.
I hate it when we’re on an enemy wessel.”
 
On bidding farewell to Saavik:
Saavik- “Sir. I have not had the opportunity to tell you about your son. David died most bravely. He saved Spock. He saved us all.
I thought you should know.”
Anabelle- “You said this in the last movie.”
Saavik- “Good day, Captain Spock.
*awkward pause*
May your journey be free of incident.”
Anabelle- “I know what you did. Get out.”
 
On Starfleet headquarters dealing with the probe bombarding earth:
Sarek - “It is difficult to answer when one does not understand the question.”
Anabelle- “So real.  I don’t know what he meant though.”
 
On Bones’s location talking to Spock:
Anabelle- “Why is McCoy sitting on the controls?
There is a chair right next to Spock.”
 
On the big three listening to the probe’s signal:
McCoy- “Well, dammit? You think this is its way of saying 'Hi there' to the people of the Earth?”
Spock- “There are other forms on intelligence on Earth, Doctor. Only human arrogance would assume the message must be meant for man.”
Kirk- “You're suggesting the transmission is meant for lifeform other than man?”
Anabelle- “Perhaps” *dramatic pause* “a whale!”
*Spock slows the signal down*
Anabelle- “Hmm…That sounds like a whale to me.”
*Makes loud whale noise*
McCoy- “That's crazy! Who would send a Probe hundreds of light years to talk to a whale?”
Kirk- “It's possible. Whales have been on Earth far earlier than man.”
Spock- “Ten million years earlier. And humpbacks were heavily hunted by man. They've been extinct since the twenty-first century…”
Anabelle- “Extinct! What?
Excuse me?!”
Spock- “It is possible that an alien intelligence sent the Probe to determine why they lost contact.”
Anabelle- “Because they all died?!?! This is dark.”
…
Spock- “There is one possibility, but I cannot guarantee its success.
We could attempt to find some humpback whales.”
McCoy- “You just said there aren't any, except on Earth of the past.”
Anabelle- “Are they going to time travel? I hate it when they do that.”
Spock- “Yes Doctor, that's exactly what I said.”
McCoy- “Well, in that case...
Now wait just a damn minute!”
Kirk- “Spock, start your computations for time warp.
Bones, you come with me.”
Anabelle- “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Me- “You said you remembered this one.
You forgot the time travel part?”
Anabelle- “All I remember is whales.
*pauses movie*
They’re going to time travel
*beat*
with whales.”
Me- “This is how we all reacted when the first plot rumors came out for this movie.”
…
McCoy- “I'd prefer a dose of common sense. You are proposing to head backwards in time, find humpback whales, then bring them forward in time, drop them off, and hope to hell they tell this Probe what to do with itself!”
Kirk- “That's the general idea.”
McCoy- “That's crazy!”
Anabelle- “You and Me Leonard. 
We’re like this.” *crosses fingers*
 
On going toward the sun at high speed for time warp:
Anabelle- “Sulu’s like, ‘Yeah sure. This is fine.’ 

While he’s peeing his pants.”
*Weird time warp heads thing*
Anabelle- “Uhura just turned to ash- you’re not fine.”
*The heads transform*
Anabelle- “Oh, ok…Is this what normally happens with time travel?
Seriously, what is happening?”
 
On coming out of time warp:
Kirk- “Mister Sulu? ...Mister Sulu! ...Mister Sulu.”
Anabelle- “Give him a minute to change his pants.”
…
Scotty- “Admiral, we have a serious problem. Would you please come down?
It's these Klingon crystals, Admiral. The time-travel drained them. They're giving out. De-crystallizing.”
Anabelle- “Looks like we have to find another rude and angry woman with a necklace.”
 
On organizing the groups before they leave the Bird of Prey:
Kirk- “We'll divide into teams. Uhura and Chekov are assigned to the uranium problem.”
Chekov- “Yes sir.”
Kirk- “Doctor McCoy, you, Mister Scott and Commander Sulu will convert us a whale tank.”
Anabelle- “Oh no- He’s braking up The Besties!
It’s OK, Sulu probably doesn’t want to leave the ship anyway.”
McCoy- “Oh, joy.”
Anabelle- “I love him.”
Kirk- “While Captain Spock and I will attempt to trace these whale songs to their source."
Uhura- “I'll have bearing and distance for you, sir.”

Anabelle- “Because, again, she’s the only one who knows what’s going on.”
Kirk- “I want you all to be very careful. This is terra incognita. Many of their customs will doubtless take us by surprise.
It's a forgone conclusion that none of these people have ever seen an extra-terrestrial before.”
Anabelle- “Oooh. Spock hat time!”
*Spock ties a strip of his robe around his head*
Anabelle- “Karate Spock!”
 
On selling the glasses:
Kirk- “They're still using money.”
Anabelle- “I always forget that.”
Kirk- “We've got to find some.”
Anabelle- “How, pray tell?”
…
Spock- “Excuse me, weren't those a birthday present from Doctor McCoy?”
Kirk- “And they will be again, that's the beauty of it.”
Anabelle- “That’s…
Not how that works.”
 
On the punk on the bus:
Me- “That’s Kirk Thatcher. He was associate producer on this.
He wrote and performed the song too.”
Anabelle- “I hate that I know this fact.
I feel like Spock is into it.”
 
On the visit to the Cetacean Institute:
Gillian- “As you can see, we have a great deal to offer, but that is small compared to what we know,
or rather what we don't know, about whales.”
Anabelle- “Like they can talk to aliens.”
*shows horrific whaling video*
Anabelle- “Why are they showing me this.”
Me- “It worked. 

After this movie protections increased, and humpbacks made a huge come back.”
Anabelle- “Good.”
Spock- “To hunt a species to extinction is not logical.”
Anabelle- “Say it again Spock, preach!”
*the tank is shown*
Anabelle- “Ain’t no way a whale fits in there.
Wait, there’s two? Not buying it”
Gillian- “We call them George and Gracie.”
Anabelle- “Why?”
Me- “I have failed as a parent.”
 
On Spock separating from the tour group:
Anabelle- “How did you lose Spock?”
Old Lady- “Maybe he's singing to that man.”
Rosa- *laughs hysterically*
Anabelle- *pauses movie*
“I can’t even look.
Why can he swim? He’s from a desert planet.”
*restarts film*
“I remembered the mind meld, I didn’t think he’d swim.
Why did Kirk leave him alone. He died two weeks ago!
Is he wearing pants? 
*sigh*
No, he is not.”
 
On Gillian talking to her jerky boss:
Gillian- “Oh, come on Bob. I don't know about you, but my compassion for someone is not limited to my estimate of their intelligence.”
Anabelle- “Amen, sister! I like Gillian.”
 
On Chekov and Uhura finding the Aircraft Carrier:
Chekov- “And Admiral, It’s the Enterprise.”
Anabelle- “What? Why?”
Me- “I have failed as a parent.”
Anabelle- “Stop saying that.”
 
On reasons for swimming:
Gillian- “It wasn't some kinda macho thing, was it? Because if that's all,
I'll be real disappointed. I really hate that macho stuff.”
Anabelle- “Did you jump in the tank just because you’re a man?”
What a weird question.”
 
On the visit to Plexicorp:
McCoy- “I tried to clear things up, Professor Scott. I explained you'd come all the way here from Edinburgh on appointment to study methods of manufacturing by Plexicorp, but they don't seem to know anything about it.”
Anabelle- “Bones came to slay. ‘Just let me in already!’
Hey where’s Sulu?
I love McCoy still sitting on things [table] he shouldn’t be.”
…
Scotty- “I notice you're still working with polymers.”
Nichols- “Still? What else would I be working with?”
Anabelle- “Anti-matter.”
…
Scotty- “Now suppose, ... just suppose,
I was to show you a way to manufacture a wall that would do the same job but be only one inch thick. Would that be worth something to you, eh?”
Anabelle- “Oh no, Scotty’s tampering with the past.”
…
Scotty- “Computer…computer.”
*McCoy hands him the mouse*
Rosa- “Oh no.”
Scotty- *sing song* “Hello computer.”
Rosa- *falls off couch*
…
McCoy- “Well, a moment alone, please.
Do you realize of course, if we give him the formula, we're altering the future.”
Scotty- “Why? How do we know he didn't invent the thing!”
Anabelle- *Cheers wildly, mimes pulling up bootstraps*
 
On Kirk’s dinner with Gillian:
Anabelle- “Didn’t they go for Italian? Why are they having pizza?
Me- “It’s California.”
Anabelle- “Oh yeah.
This is so awkward.
This movie is bad, do people like this one?”
Me- “It had the biggest box office till the 2009 one.”
[Correction, The Motion Picture had the biggest box office, but I didn’t want to get into that.]
*Kirk admits there’s no money in the future as they leave*
Anabelle- “How does that work, exactly?
Do they barter?
‘I’ll give you a chicken for that communicator.’
I would have left him there halfway through this scene.
This is clearly lunatic behavior.”
 
On seeing much of the crew on the Bird of Prey:
“Where’s Sulu?
Still asking hours of questions to the helicopter guy?
‘And what does this button do?’ “
 
On Uhura beaming out first from the Aircraft Carrier:
Anabelle- “Oh good. Leave Chekov there. This will be fine.”
Rosa- “The Russian one.”
Anabelle- “Real.
Did you see Uhura’s face when he told her to go first?
She was like, ‘Okaaaay. whatever…’”
*Chekov is captured*
Anabelle- “This man needs a break.  
First the armadillo in his ear, now this.”
…
Navy guy- “You play games with me, mister, and you're through.”
Chekov- “I am? May I go now?”
Anabelle- “I love him so much.”
*Chekov is chased*
Anabelle- “Chekov always has the worst things happen.
That’s why he drinks the most at the slumber parties. 
This is cannon”
*Chekov falls off the deck and is not moving*
Anabelle- “He died!
No question Uhura would have handled these people.  
Why did she go first?”
 
On another Star Trek quote coming into family usage when Kirk is angry:
Scotty- “He's in a wee bit of a snit, isn't he?”
Anabelle- “I’m gonna say that to you next time you don’t eat enough.”
 
On her changing views of the film:
Anabelle- “This movie is simultaneously the worst thing I’ve seen
and a hoot,
and I can’t decide.”
 
On Bob sending the whales away without telling Gillian:
Gillian- “You son of a bitch!” *SLAP!*
Anabelle- “Yeah!  Hit him again.
He was such an ass earlier.”
*Gillian goes looking for Kirk*
Anabelle- “I feel like if Sulu approached her, she would have agreed sooner.   
Kirk is terrifying.  
The ‘S’ in sulu stands for slay.”
*Gillian screams when beamed in*
Anabelle- “Me. That’s how I’d react to my first beaming.  
Every other one would be like McCoy in Star Trek I.”
 
On rescuing Chekov:
Uhura- “I've found Chekov, sir.”
Anabelle- “Is he OK?”
Uhura- “They're taking him to emergency surgery right now.”
Anabelle- “Fix him right now!”
…
Spock- “Admiral, may I suggest that Doctor McCoy is correct. We must help Chekov.”
Anabelle- “Yes, help your son.”
Kirk- “Is that the logical thing to do, Spock?”
Spock- “No, but it is the human thing to do.”
Anabelle- “Of course Chekov is the one.  
He had to die to fix Spock.”
…
Anabelle- *visibly nervous about Chekov the whole time they sneak into the hospital*
McCoy- “Dammit, do you want an acute case on your hands? This woman has immediate post-prandial upper abdominal distension!
Get out of the way! Get out of the way!”
Anabelle- “I love this man.”
Kirk- “What did you say she was got?”
McCoy- “Cramps.”
Anabelle- “He’s my favorite person ever.”
…
McCoy- “My God, man, drilling holes in his head's not the answer. The artery must be repaired. Now put away your butcher knives and let me save this patient before it's too late!”
Anabelle- “I love it when Doctor McCoy yells at people.  
I like this movie more now.
He knows all about brain surgery now after Spock’s Brain.”
Kirk- “Pavel, talk to me.
Name! Rank!”
Chekov- “Chekov, Pavel,
 Rank,
Admiral!”
Anabelle- “He’s fine.”
*Jaunty music plays*
Anabelle- “Chekov is the cutest thing.”
…
Old Lady- “The doctor gave me a pill and I grew a new kidney!”
Rosa- *Falls off couch again*
*they beam back to the Bird of Prey*
Anabelle- “Sulu is like, ‘Give me him.’”
 
On getting the Bird of Prey ready:
Kirk- “Spock, where the hell is the power you promised me?”
Spock- “One damn minute, Admiral.”
Anabelle- “I love Spock swearing.  
Uhura told him to.”
…
Anabelle- “Bones back to sitting on consoles again.”
Spock- “Guessing is not in my nature, Doctor.”
McCoy- “Well, nobody's perfect.”
Rosa- “Giggles knowingly*
Anabelle- “I love Doctor McCoy endlessly.”
 
On the whaling ship appearing:
Anabelle- “Noooooo!!
*Cheers when Bird of Prey blocks the shot*
Why did they decloak? Just to scare them?
I mean I approve but that’s problematic.”
Rosa- “They needed to depower the cloaking device to put extra power to the transporters.”
Me- *grins ear to ear with visible pride, wipes tear*
Scotty- “Admiral…there be whales here!”
Anabelle- “Wooo! They do look good.”
Me- “Animal rights groups sent protest letters for keeping the whales in such a small tank.
The models were only a couple of feet long.”
Anabelle- “Slay.”
 
On finding the way back home:
Spock- “Mister Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral.
So I will make a guess.”
Kirk- “A guess? You, Spock? That's extraordinary!”
Anabelle- “Captain Kirk is so insufferable.
This movie is so goofy.”
Me- “Because the last two were devastating.”
Anabelle- “Yeah it went:
Star Trek- Boring,
Star Trek- Sad,
Star Trek- Also Sad,
Whales!!!”
 
On Gillian leaping onto beaming Kirk to go with them:
Anabelle- “They can’t pull her out of time.”
Gillian- “I belong here. I am a whale biologist.
Suppose by some miracle you do get them through.
Who in the twenty-third century knows anything about humpback whales?”
Anabelle- “Oh. That’s so true.”
 
On the return time travel:
Rosa- “Look at Sulu.
He’s not having it.”
Anabelle- “Meanwhile, Chekov is unphased,
And Uhura is just pushing her buttons.”
 
On the Bird of Prey reappearing exactly when it left:
Anabelle- “Perfect timing.
Spock you’ve done it again.
Icon.”
 
On the crew standing on the edge of the ship in the water:
Anabelle- “Heee-eeey, The Besties are all together.
‘Can someone come get us please?’
What is the probe doing?”
Me- “They’ll show you.”
Anabelle- “Oh good.
Could you imagine. It just leaves- ‘the end.’ I wouldn’t be surprised. 
The crew is so excited about whales.  Like me.
*beat*
Please go get them.”
Rosa- *cheers and laughs with the crew*
Me- “This part wasn’t scripted, they were goofing around and filmed it”
Anabelle- “Fun!”

*Later conversation*

Anabelle- "Wait, they never said what really happened with the whales and the probe."

Me- "Yes, it didn't know why communications stopped, and then they talked."

Anabelle- "About what!?!? The probe should have said, 'I'm here to kill all the people,' and the whales were like, 'ok, go ahead.'"
 
On the trial of the crew:
President- “The Council is now in session. If you will all take your seats.
Bring in the accused.”
Rosa- “Pardon them now!”
Anabelle- “Spock! I missed his uniform. His outfit was criminal.”
President- “Captain Spock, you do not stand accused.”
Spock: Mister President, I stand with my shipmates.”
Anabelle- “Yeaah!”
…
President- “The charges and specifications are. Conspiracy. Assault on Federation Officers. Theft of Federation Property, namely the Starship Enterprise. Sabotage of the U.S.S. Excelsior, Willful destruction of Federation Property, specifically the aforementioned U.S.S. Enterprise.”
Rosa- “You were going to throw it away, you jerk.”
…
President- “James T. Kirk. It is the judgment of this Council that you be reduced in rank to Captain,
and that as a consequence of your new rank, you be given the duties for which you have repeatedly demonstrated unswerving ability. The command of a starship."
*wild cheering, on screen and in our living room*
President- "Silence!
Captain Kirk, You and your crew have saved this planet from its own short-sightedness and we are forever in your debt.”
Anabelle- “Rats… Captain again.
The crew is all like, ‘YEAH! For sure!’
I bet the Klingons are pissed.”
Me- “Oh yeah. That’s the sixth movie.”
Anabelle- “So what is the fifth?
See, there isn’t one.”
 
On their farewell:
Kirk- “Well, like they say in your century,
I don't even have your telephone number.
How will I find you?”
Gillian- “Don't worry.
I'll find you.
*friendly kiss on the cheek*
See you around the galaxy.”
Anabelle- “Ha! She blew him off.”
Rosa- “First one.”
Anabelle- “He’s just sorry she’s not an android.”
 
On Spock and his dad:
Sarek- “As I recall, I opposed your enlistment in Starfleet.
It is possible that judgment was incorrect.”
Me- “You didn’t talk to him for seventeen years.”
Anabelle- “Yes…’opposed.’”
Sarek- “Your associates are people of good character.”
Spock- “They are my friends.”
Anabelle- “Awww.”
Sarek- “Yes, of course.
Do you have a message for your mother?”
Anabelle- “Tell her, ‘She rocks!’”
Spock- “Yes. Tell her
*thoughtful moment*
I feel fine.”
Rosa and Anabelle- “Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!”
 
On the crew returning “home” to their ship:
Sulu- “I’m counting on Excelsior.”
Anabelle- “You would, would you? Wait two more movies.”
*The Enterprise A is revealed with the original theme*
Anabelle- “Gasp!!! [A real one]
They built a new one! So exciting!
‘A’ for again 
Hooray!!
I’ve had it up to here with the ugly Klingon ship.
Ooh, the new bridge is cool. Why didn’t it look like this all the time?”
Me- “That moment is still the biggest, longest, most crowd unifying cheer I’ve ever been part of opening night for a movie.”
Anabelle- “Of course it was.
After the ugly Klingon ship,
I was worried we’d be spending two movies with the weird looking Excelsior.”
 
On the overall movie:
Anabelle- “It picked up at the end.  
The beginning had problems.”
Me- “Because you hate Trek time travel.”
Anabelle- “Yes, yes I do.”

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