Beast Machines Season Two
The Beast Machines DVDs were all in one set, so Season Two has the same menu as Season One.
Fallout
Now Optimus and Megatron are in some kind of void where they have to fight forever. Wow, this will be a fun season.
Oh, wait. A transition to Optimus fighting himself in a jungle… wait some more, now he’s in space. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
Optimus is leaving space via a pass down the guilt trip tunnel with all the Maximals telling him he failed. They’re stomping on your hero Nineties’ kids, maybe you do need more hugs?
Ooh, Cybertron exploded into a giant cheese puff. Or is this still his death hallucination? I guess so, as he’s in a giant cloud of Sparks now, all of them telling him that he sucks. Fun.
Tankor/ Rhinox is really dead…awwww. His Spark is currently playing the ghost of Jacob Marley, telling Optimus Primal it’s not too late to stop being an ass.
And now Optimus Primal lives again. "For... reasons." Not that they are in any way explained reasons. Just... "Reasons."
There is a giant lightning spaghetti battle across the planet between the two “ancient” artifacts of Cybertron. (That's Vector Sigma and the Plasma Energy chamber, for anyone else who has lost track.)
Primal
grabs one of each type of spaghettis, which somehow heals all the Maximals.
Whatever.
The Vehicons are all dead, though, as is
Megatron.
Whoops, Optimus Primal is face down and deceased again. That was the quickest one yet!
OPTIMUS PRIMAL DEATH COUNT=5
Cheetor takes command and vows to
restore Cybertron. Good luck with that, kid, as the whole planet is dead.
Jetstorm and Thrust survived. And Blackarachnia is still whining and pining. Oh goodie.
Dude, Jetstorm is HUGE now.
The Maximals point out that with everyone else on the planet dead those two Vehicon Generals should join them in addressing that issue. But no, we’re going to have another battle. Woo.
Blackarachnia stops it because fighting has become obviously pointless. Nice job transforming (ha!) into the voice of reason there, Spider Lady.
Cheetor will try the Oracle. ‘Cause that worked sooooo well before.
Why is Optimus in the Oracle? Great, he’s still whining about feeling guilty.
(Yzma Voice- "The Oracle? He's supposed to be dead!" Kronk Voice- "Yeah, weird.")
Whoops, Optimus Primal is face down and deceased again. That was the quickest one yet!
OPTIMUS PRIMAL DEATH COUNT=5
Jetstorm and Thrust survived. And Blackarachnia is still whining and pining. Oh goodie.
Dude, Jetstorm is HUGE now.
The Maximals point out that with everyone else on the planet dead those two Vehicon Generals should join them in addressing that issue. But no, we’re going to have another battle. Woo.
Blackarachnia stops it because fighting has become obviously pointless. Nice job transforming (ha!) into the voice of reason there, Spider Lady.
Cheetor will try the Oracle. ‘Cause that worked sooooo well before.
Why is Optimus in the Oracle? Great, he’s still whining about feeling guilty.
Oh, please Optimus, have ANOTHER drug
trip in this episode. He’s in space with many of himself…and an ugly flower. The
Matrix sent them to Earth to bring back organics to Cybertron? That is
literally not what happened in Beast Wars. Maybe make the writers watch
the show you’re continuing next time, huh?
Oh great, Optimus is alive again, and now he’s a different kind of fanatic. Woo.
The Oracle grew techno organic trees. “For... reasons.”
Now there’s a giant Megatron head flying about…as often happens.
A giant floating head of his mortal enemy appears, and Primal’s first response is, “Maybe it’s empty.” Moron.
Oh great, Optimus is alive again, and now he’s a different kind of fanatic. Woo.
The Oracle grew techno organic trees. “For... reasons.”
Now there’s a giant Megatron head flying about…as often happens.
Savage Noble
We’re pairing Blackarachnia and the kid once more? Do we never learn?
What a shock. The giant floating head shot them. Oh, I misread those effects. It didn’t shoot. It has shields and they flew straight into them. Morons
While they injure themselves, Primal sends the rest of the team to go find the guys who attacked them in the last episode. Great plan Optimus. Moron
Wait, now Jetstorm and Thrust are the same height. It’s like they don’t care.
They finally stopped saying, “I am transformed!” Thank Primus!
AAAAH! Short necked, chunky dragon!
What a shock. The giant floating head shot them. Oh, I misread those effects. It didn’t shoot. It has shields and they flew straight into them. Morons
While they injure themselves, Primal sends the rest of the team to go find the guys who attacked them in the last episode. Great plan Optimus. Moron
Wait, now Jetstorm and Thrust are the same height. It’s like they don’t care.
They finally stopped saying, “I am transformed!” Thank Primus!
AAAAH! Short necked, chunky dragon!
Optimus tries his “Spark chat” ability
with Megatron’s giant floating head, and only gets an evil laugh.
The dragon is “Savage.” An accurate name, that is.
Look, another new character this season. They’ve met a multicolored, bipedal wolf, with banana claws - and we’re going big on the Lycanthrope theme.
His name is Noble, he was a robot, and like Teen-Bat, fell in a hole and came out organic, Sure he did.
Megatron’s giant floating head is not
Megatron. All righty. Then it is, in fact, empty. I'll take one "moron" back for that, Optimus Primal.
Savage is attacking everyone again. Noble actually said to them that he felt “savage,” and they are all worried about what happened to their new wolfy friend. Morons.
Well, we haven’t had a horror movie episode in a while.
Savage ignored Rattrap completely? Hmmmmm. (Belay that “Hmmmmm,” this is never touched on again.)
Now Jetstorm and Thrust are different sizes again. Fine.
Savage is acting like a lost animal. They calm him down and he transforms into Noble. Gasp! (Was that convincing?) There is Lycanthropy all over the place.
Dude, he’s huge.
Don’t worry, Noble, Optimus Primal- anger management guru will help you.
After all those Frankenstein referencing episodes in the other shows, they decide to use the subtitle of the original novel for a werewolf story. I feel like this is solely to annoy me.
The dragon is “Savage.” An accurate name, that is.
Look, another new character this season. They’ve met a multicolored, bipedal wolf, with banana claws - and we’re going big on the Lycanthrope theme.
His name is Noble, he was a robot, and like Teen-Bat, fell in a hole and came out organic, Sure he did.
Savage is attacking everyone again. Noble actually said to them that he felt “savage,” and they are all worried about what happened to their new wolfy friend. Morons.
Well, we haven’t had a horror movie episode in a while.
Savage ignored Rattrap completely? Hmmmmm. (Belay that “Hmmmmm,” this is never touched on again.)
Now Jetstorm and Thrust are different sizes again. Fine.
Savage is acting like a lost animal. They calm him down and he transforms into Noble. Gasp! (Was that convincing?) There is Lycanthropy all over the place.
Don’t worry, Noble, Optimus Primal- anger management guru will help you.
Prometheus Unbound
Noble is howling at Cybertron’s moon. Um,
weren’t they both blown up, or eaten?
He runs away regularly to somewhere, that’s not concerning at all.
He runs away regularly to somewhere, that’s not concerning at all.
Noble/Savage is really more like Hulk than a Lycanthrope.
Why is he in some kind of electrical cocoon? Is he going to turn into something else now?
Oh, he was captured where he runs away to- Cable and Dress Megatron’s old sports arena. That is also not concerning at all.
Minimal villains in this show means WAY TOO MUCH internal strife.
Optimus is teaching Noble to tamp down on his emotions. Have they learned nothing from Tigatron?
They all went into Megatron’s old sports arena with him and Noble just activated a mine field. Moron.
Now he’s Savage. What a surprise.
There’s lots of farting around and then Noble turns back. That was a waste of time.
But now he and Teen-Bat fell in a big hole. The lad forgot he can fly, I guess. Moron.
The rest of the Maximals found Megatron’s hanging dress, but still can’t find his Spark. Can’t Optimus smell Sparks?
Primal shows up to save the others. Where was he?
Noble can change to Savage at will. That’s new and is also not concerning at all.
Spark extractors ahhhh!
A fight and I don’t care again. Wow, from
invested to bored in three seconds.
Noble put on Megatron’s hat and dress!!! OK this is all VERY concerning.
But nothing happened, so he grabbed a Spark extractor,
which is odd since he’s organic. Then again, we know Teen-Bat got turned
organic and had a Spark so why are we all shocked?
What the hell is going on?
Holy crap! Noble was Megatron!!! (Considering Megatron was the only other dragon we’ve seen in both shows, I should be less surprised, but I may have stopped caring.)
Megatron’s Spark goes into his old hat and dress.
Meanwhile, Teen-Bat demands to know, “Where’s Noble!?” Moron.
In the kerfuffle at the conclusion of last season, Megatron split himself into organic and technological parts, but the Spark went to the organic one, (Noble/ Savage) which he didn't want. Now it’s in the technological part (his giant floating head) where he wanted it.
Oh, he was captured where he runs away to- Cable and Dress Megatron’s old sports arena. That is also not concerning at all.
Minimal villains in this show means WAY TOO MUCH internal strife.
Optimus is teaching Noble to tamp down on his emotions. Have they learned nothing from Tigatron?
They all went into Megatron’s old sports arena with him and Noble just activated a mine field. Moron.
Now he’s Savage. What a surprise.
There’s lots of farting around and then Noble turns back. That was a waste of time.
But now he and Teen-Bat fell in a big hole. The lad forgot he can fly, I guess. Moron.
The rest of the Maximals found Megatron’s hanging dress, but still can’t find his Spark. Can’t Optimus smell Sparks?
Primal shows up to save the others. Where was he?
Noble can change to Savage at will. That’s new and is also not concerning at all.
Spark extractors ahhhh!
Noble put on Megatron’s hat and dress!!! OK this is all VERY concerning.
What the hell is going on?
Holy crap! Noble was Megatron!!! (Considering Megatron was the only other dragon we’ve seen in both shows, I should be less surprised, but I may have stopped caring.)
Megatron’s Spark goes into his old hat and dress.
Meanwhile, Teen-Bat demands to know, “Where’s Noble!?” Moron.
In the kerfuffle at the conclusion of last season, Megatron split himself into organic and technological parts, but the Spark went to the organic one, (Noble/ Savage) which he didn't want. Now it’s in the technological part (his giant floating head) where he wanted it.
Everybody got that?
Well played Maximals. Morons
Huh? Why and how is Noble still alive?
Huh? Why and how is Noble still alive?
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