2006
The “James Blonde” controversy surrounding Daniel Craig’s casting was a minor blip compared to the “James Short” issue in our home, raised when my stat minded daughter learned the rebooted Bond was the first and only actor in the role to be less than six feet tall.
The lack of quality of
the fortieth anniversary film probably contributed to the near two year pause
in watching this franchise.
She opened by griping
about the black and white, and stating Craig, “Sounded funny.” Then she moved on to complaining about the “trippy”
style of the opening credits being different:
“Where are the naked
people?”
I figured it would be a long haul, but the
film won her over as it did most viewers.
That began with her excitement
at the cast list, yelling out the names of Eva Green and Judy Dench, followed
by asking me why I didn't tell her they were in it.
To which I replied, “I
did, almost every time I tried to show it to you in the past year and a half.”
The parkour scene
grabbed her immediately and she reenacted the race scene at the end of the
first Incredibles. She constantly
cheered for Bond to speed up or slow down so that he wouldn’t catch the guy, allowing
the chase to continue.
When James was caught at
the embassy she said, “He’s not very good at this.” Then he shot the guy, blew
up the place and escaped. Leading to:
“Oh.”
Despite her assessment
that “poker is boring” she followed the first game enough to tell Bond:
“Stop checking out that
girl and get your head in the game.”
When that girl (Solange)
got in the newly acquired classic Aston Martin with James she wanted to know,
“Why did she go with him?”
I answered, “She was
with the guy you called a ‘buttface’.”
“Ah, saving the world
one buttface at a time.”
However when she found
out Solange and Dimitrios (the buttface) were married she was livid.
“That’s a sin! SINNER!!!”
My pointing out he was
an assassin that she just watched take out two people, and this behavior isn’t
exactly new for Bond didn’t help.
“This is a killing
movie…and I’m a different person now.”
She lightened up when
the sprinklers were set off as a distraction, breaking into a chorus of “It’s
Raining Men.”
The impressiveness of
the airport chase was not lost on her, and she yelled, “Holy moly guacamole!”
and several other unintelligible items.
The scene concerned me
however. The airport chase was the ONLY
thing I remembered from Quantum of Solace
and it wasn't in that movie. This
means I don’t remember a thing from that adventure and convincing her to watch
it in order to get to the awesome film after it is going to be rough.
The initial meeting with
Vesper and their cover put my daughter firmly on Ms. Lynd’s side.
When Vesper brings up bluffing
in the poker discussion, James replies with, “You’ve heard the term.” Anabelle
answered: “Everyone’s heard the term!”
She then cheered her and
booed him throughout their verbal fencing until this odd ending:
Vesper: “I will be
keeping my eye on our government's money...
and off your perfectly
formed arse.”
James: “You noticed?”
Anabelle: “Perfectly
formed....what the heck did I just hear?”
Vesper: “Even
accountants have imagination.”
Anabelle: “This is one
roller coaster ride.”
When they went to check
in at the hotel, and 007 identifies as “James Bond, you’ll find the reservation
under Beach.”
She reacted rather
strongly: “How stupid is he? He’s really
bad at this!”
She approved of Vesper
following up James’s defense of the action with:
“And now he knows something
about you.
He knows you're
reckless.
*Enters elevator*
Take the next one.
There isn't enough room
for me and your ego.”
Anabelle: “I REALLY like
her.”
She said it again when
Vesper criticized his original jacket and presented him a tailored one based on
“sizing you up the moment they met.”
When 007 was checking
himself out in the mirror, my wife joined in the fun adding dialogue to the
silent scene:
Rosa: “Do I look pretty? Oh yes, I do look pretty!
Anabelle had a great
many theories about Vesper, starting with the red herring of her introduction,
“I’m the money, every penny of it.”
Anabelle wasn’t sure if she could be Moneypenny, but did complain about
her and Q being missing, proving she’s a true Bond fan.
She also was trying to
figure out if Vesper was bad, as she verbally abused Bond. “That would be
cool.”
Her initial complaint
about poker being boring evaporated quickly.
She got into the game. She
figured out early that Le Chiffre’s obvious tell wasn’t one, and when he wasn’t
bluffing, causing Bond to lose his original stake, there was a bit of emotional
reaction:
“I TOLD YOU HE WASN’T
BLUFFING! NOBODY IS THAT STUPID!
He must be really
feeling down tin the pits now.
Hey! Stop sitting there
sulking. It’s funny because he’s such a butt.
Hey, where did all the others
go?”
We had to rewind to get
her an explanation of the CIA backing bond because of her reaction to Felix
Leiter introducing himself:
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO!”
Contrary to her
occasionally bringing up “James Short” again she was totally invested in the
film. In full knowledge that we own the
other three Craig films, she let out a quiet and serious, “oh no.” when he
underwent cardiac arrest.
She was then totally
focused on the poker game looking very nervous and letting out a stress relieving
laugh and cheer when 007 was victorious.
When Mathis was revealed
as the mole at the start of the torture scene, she noted: “He creeped me out
from the start.”
Le Chiffre wiped sweat
off his brow and she sang a little of the Nelly song:
“It’s getting hot…
*notices Bond was
undressed in the chair*
Waaaaaait,
*back to singing*
It’s getting hot in here,
so take off all your clothes.
That may be the most
perfect place for that song in any movie.”
When they two lovers
were reunited and began to banter and smooch my daughter had some reactions and
showed more franchise knowledge:
Vesper: “It makes me
feel reborn.”
James: “If you'd just
been born...wouldn't you be naked?”
Anabelle: “Hold on!
This must be the end.
Hey, what about her Algerian love knot?
Is this like that other
one with the girl who was afraid of chickens where he drove off with her at the
end and she died? I didn’t like that
one. If she dies, I’m done with him.”
(Note- that may be the
shortest, strangest summary of On Her
Majesties Secret Service ever published.)
When Vesper left his
room and he found the bank account empty, my daughter made two quick, not
necessarily connected, realizations:
“So she’s not Moneypenny?
It’s OK to kill her
now.”
When James was unable to
revive her with some Hollywood style CPR, the revelations continued:
Anabelle: “Is he gonna
be all like, ‘Now me, and avid sinner, cannot bring myself to sin again,’ and
go through all kinds of emotional trauma, and never be able to trust a woman…
Hey, wait a minute!”
007 telling M, “The
bitch is dead,” was met with a soft and soulful, “awwww.”
The final scene proved
she felt the same way I did about leaving out some important aspects of the
franchise as part of the reboot.
Vice on Phone: “Mr.
White, we need to talk.”
Mr. White: “Who is
this?”
*shot in leg, crawls
painfully for a bit, approached by armed 007*
007: “Bond…James Bond.”
Anabelle: “It’s about
time!!!”
*credits roll*
Anabelle: “There’s no
more?!?!”
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