Monday, October 6, 2025

Transformers Rewatch Beast Wars Season 1E

Double Dinobot
A Frankensteiny reference opening. That always goes SOOO well.Megatron 3D Printed a Dinobot clone. And as he uses the same infiltration plan as his ancestors, I ask again, why not build an army?
Wait. He built the clone because he has Dinobot DNA? What the hell? They’re robots. Is Beast Mode a complete material transformation or a skin, muscle and nerve ending covering?
Because of the DNA thing (which I need to stop thinking about because it makes my head hurt) the clone can only be in Beast Mode.
Megatron- “Terrosaur your job is to eliminate Dinobot.” Yeah…that’ll go well.
Terrosaur’s head comes out of his Beast Mode’s butt. This explains a great deal about him.
The transformations are already starting to go on the cheap for the animation, with cheating and morphing rather than mechanical steps. Sigh.
Dinobot has been sealed in a cave. Because that always works on Cybertronians. Well done, Terrorsaur, I’m sure this won’t come back to screw over the whole plan. Moron.
So…this clone is basically a real dinosaur. (Yes, that talks. We’re ignoring that part. Move on.) Shouldn’t the Axalon scanners detect that difference from the real DinoBOT?
Another great Predacon plan. It’s all based on the Maximals running off to battle without over thinking and checking everything twelve times (which they always do) first. Morons.
Rattrap doesn’t trust regular Dinobot, yet he suddenly trusts the one acting super weird. The levels of moron adjust as plot demands.  
The real Dinobot is alive. I. Am. Stunned.
The Maximal base protection program has a name- “Sentinel.” And it has a voice. So, given that they come from the sentient machine planet, is it alive? Teletran-One wasn’t… I don’t think.
This Predacon plan sucks more than usual, which is saying a lot. Even miraculously being left alone on the Axalon, Clone Dinobot has no codes to disarm everything, so he’s repeatedly blasted by the system.
Rattrap is lava surfing after Clone Dinobot double crossed him. Why do his solo adventures always look like impossible video game levels.
Lucky for Clone Dinobot, Sentinel is also a moron, as he was able to guess the access code in a dozen or so tries AFTER Sentinel scanned him and confirmed he wasn’t a Maximal. Just when I think I can’t be surprised how much everyone’s security sucks, they up the ante.
Real Dinobot is back on the ship with his duplicate, so naturally they need to do the mirror gag from Duck Soup.
Dinobot refuses a dishonorable fight against the Clone that is actively trying to destroy the base and kill all of them, so he goes back to beast mode. Moron.
There are a lot more comical falls in this life or death battle than one would expect.
Megatron came alone to the deactivated base, instead of brining his entire army to seize victory. Because sometimes, even he is a moron
Dinobot ate his clone!  How the hell does Beast Mode work? I mean…If they are organic, what happens to their metallic innards, and do they all have slabs of meat hanging off of their robot forms?
 
 
The Spark
TWELVE YEARS into the franchise! There is no way I would have guessed it took that long for the key concept of "Sparks," basically the souls of Cybertronians, to arrive.
Another pod gets whacked out of orbit by passing space rocks. There is a boatload of debris around this mysterious, yet familiar looking, planet.
I just noticed, the Predacon symbol is a bug face. What a coincidence that most of them scanned various arthropods.
Why do they yell when they transform? Does it hurt transitioning from metal to organic?
Huh. A random falcon is nearby for no reason. I wonder if that will come up later?
Rhinox is man enough to wear a skirt.
Ew. The “Protoform” in the pod is all morphy. Again, what did they look like on Cybertron, and do they give up ALL shape when travelling?
Oh no, there are no animals in range to scan. “SPARK FADING!!!!” AAAAH!
(I know it will be fine, I’m just excited about the first Spark mention!!!!!!!  )
It really wasn’t nostalgia watching the original Transformer’s series. (See the G.I. Joe interlude) while I do get into these tales, those stories were more fun.
Holy crap! Tigatron has a turn to stone ray. (A little less fun but I’m still highly invested,)
Blackarachnia has “cyber venom?” I’m not sure I know what that is. 
Rhinox has to take bits out of Cheetor to keep the Spark from fading. There is never an explanation for why there are so many multi-purpose parts on Cybertronians, but keep teaching me about Sparks please.
Y’know, this show has an awful lot of countdown related plots.
Blackarachnia leads with a nasty headbutt before going into her ninja moves. She is terrifying… but apparently not immune to her own venom. That’s a design flaw.
Woo-hoo! Rhinox saved the Spark. Yes, I am definitely still invested in these characters.
Nice arrival timing, Chekov’s Falcon.
Airazor is an extremely giant falcon. At least once they pick a size - unlike the original series- they stick with it.  
Speaking of sticking with it, I’ve seen her name as “Airazor” “Air-Razor” “Air Razor” "Airrazor" and a few others. I’m sticking with the one that requires less typing.
Whoah! Terrorsaur is in a great many pieces once again. That also seems like a design flaw.
More Spark fanfare! A prestigious introduction.
The small overall cast allows everyone to show up regularly. However, there was no Optimus or Rattrap until the final scene. And no reason for Dinobot not showing up at all, which is odd. By sticking them all in, even briefly, they wouldn't have to explain the missing ones, since there are so few places they can be in this set up. I may be over thinking again.
 
 
The Trigger, Parts 1 and 2
A mysterious earthquake causing cloud flies around this planet. No big whoop. Not even close to the weirdest thing that has happened.
Terrorsaur is peachy after being a pile of parts again. Did he come from the Cybertronian Ikea? Is that why Predacons are so resilient?
Hmmm. One of the moons is possibly hollow. I’m sure that won’t be important.
Gah! The big communications tower fell on Tigatron! This may be the first effective attack by Terrorsaur and Waspinator since the show stared.  
Terrorsaur has a big missile with a World War II Thunderbolt like smiley face on it… which is a complete dud. Is the Iron Man 2 “mother-in-law” based on this?
AAAH!!! The earthquake cloud ate Tigatron!
Oh, because the cloud is just cover for a flying island. Nothing weird about that either.
It has a crystal zappy tower, as most flying islands under earthquake causing clouds do.
Scorponok is getting a “Secret Megatron Talk” before the mission. This is done directly in front of Blackarachnia, because they’re morons.
Airazor, while also female, unlike Blackarachnia, does not have giant, shiny, golden boobs. I respect that design decision.
Tigatron has found his natural utopia, complete with a symbolic butterfly. Our conflicted cat who is more comfortable in Beast Mode has found a place he can call home. I bet it falls out of the sky. Nineties' kids had it rough.
Whoops, hold the Utopia talk. It has tree mounted boulders that work as robot smashers.  
Scorponok has a little camera carrying drone that is a cyber bee. That’s not very on theme, sir.
Scorponok displays the variable damage control on his claw missiles once more by setting one to “falcon obliteration.” Ouch! That is a lot of feathers.  
Wait, if Beast Mode is organic, then why does Scorponok’s shell sound metallic? I have so many questions.
 
Tigatron helps Airazor recover. There’s definitely a connection here. (I’m getting ahead of myself.)
Terrorsaur gets stupider every episode. I realize “hero taunting the bad guy to move in closer to save yourself” is a standard tactic. However, when said hero (Rattrap) is plummeting to his death, and only the bad guy (Terrorsaur) can fly, “moron” doesn’t really begin to cover it.
"Look, some kind of strange symbols mark the traps." Well then, they’re not very good traps, are they?
Rattrap is the first to figure out the flying island is a puzzle. That’s because his whole life is hard video game levels.
There is an eye in the pyramid!!! The Illuminati (fnord) are everywhere!!!!!!
Blackarachnia has no problem using her dumber Predacon allies as cannon fodder. Then again, she originally came from a Maximal pod before Tarantulas swapped her over. Her personality is probably the result of something similar to when Rhinox was switched.
Seriously, I need some answers, please. Why can Optimus fly? The only other ones on either side of “The Beast Wars” that can fly have flight capable Beast Modes. A jetpack is not part of a Gorilla’s evolutionary wheelhouse.
Ah yes, Scorponok’s secret Megatron talk anticipated Blackarachnia ’s treachery. And yet, it did not anticipate Scorponok being a moron, and through the hole in the island he plummets.
Ooh! The zappy Illuminati pyramid tower gave Blackarachnia an upgrade. Now she has a mask… and giant, shiny SILVER boobs.
So much for the cloud cover. Now it is an exposed flying island. Still not the weirdest thing this season. 
Oh no! There goes much of the Flying Island itself as Blackarachnia blasts the snot out of it, zapping the Maximals. Nice call back as, damaging the thing you’re currently on to the point it is ready to explode is a classic Decepticon tactic.
Oh, what a shock, we’re evacuating the Axalon again. Maybe they should install slides.
Tigatron has to destroy the island to save his friends. More heavy tragedy for these characters. Even the butterfly got burned to a crisp. No wonder Nineties kids are the way they are.
Before blowing up, (removing Blackrachnia's upgrade) the eye zappy Illuminati pyramid sent a beam to another eye zappy Illuminati pyramid on the hollow moon, which relayed it into space. I’m sure it will be fine.


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