Monday, December 11, 2023

Mystery Star Trek 2009 Theater

On the uneven reception the Trek Franchise elements get in our home:
Me- “We finished the movies, now we should watch the Next Generation episodes with original crew guest stars.
Anabelle- “No…way!”
Me- “The first Kelvin film it is.”
Anabelle- “This is best movie ever. Or up there anyway.”
On Anton Yelchin’s credit:
Rosa- “I’m going to be so sad every time we see him.”
On the new aesthetics:
Anabelle- “The Kelvin is low key ugly. But that’s OK.
I love these uniforms.
*Kelvin crewmen appear*
Anabelle- “Not these.  
The ones they wear later in these movies.”
On the opening attack on the Kelvin:
Anabelle- “Hi Chris Hemsworth.
Love you.  
You’re my least favorite Hollywood Chris but that’s OK too.
Ooh- He’s so little.”
Me- “I always forget the Captain is the bad guy from Iron Man.”
Anabelle- “This movie better than Iron Man.”
Captain Robau- “You're Captain now, Mister Kirk.”
Anabelle- “What’s his full name?”
Me- “George Samuel Kirk.”
Anabelle- “What a normal middle name.”

Romulan- *on screen* “Do you know the location of Ambassador Spock?”
*Hologram of Nimoy*
Anabelle- “Were you bamboozled by old Spock showing up?”
Me- “No, the promotional stuff said there was time travel.”
Anabelle- “Oh.”

Winona- “George, I can't do this without you.”
Alien Doctor- “OK, I need you to push now.”
Anabelle- “AAAAAH!  EYES!
I always forget about her giant eyes, then she pulls up and-
*the baby is born*
Anabelle- “Kinda looks like a Tiberius to me.”
George- “What are we going to call him?”
Winona- “We can name him after your father.”
George- “Tiberius? Are you kidding me?
No, that's the worst. Let's name him after your dad. Let's call him Jim.”
Anabelle- “We’re just gonna gloss over the fact his dad’s name is Tiberius?”
Me- “So… there’s no way this Jim Kirk is born in Iowa.”
Anabelle- “Maybe stress made her forget to tell him.
If my ship was exploding, I would be stressed out.”
On meeting Little Jim Kirk:
*Jim drives the stolen convertible to the Beastie Boys*
Rosa- *head banging*
*the car heads off the cliff*
Rosa- “They’re going to kill him.”
Anabelle- “He’s fine.” 
Me- “There are no chasms in Iowa.”
Anabelle- “Yes. Look. There’s one right there.”
On meeting Little Spock:
Bully- “Perhaps an emotional response requires physical stimuli.”
*Shoves Little Spock*
Spock- “Calmly stares*
Bully- “He's a traitor you know, your father. For marrying her, that Human whore.”
Spock- “Raah!” *Leaps on and beats the snot out of the bully*
Anabelle- “Slay! Hit him again!”

Amanda- “Spock, come here. Let me see you.”
Anabelle- “That outfit is wild.
Oh, it’s her I always forget she’s in this movie.”
Rosa- “Oh, hi Winona.”
On Young Spock at the Vulcan Science Academy:
Jerky Vulcan Scientist- “You're hereby accepted to the Vulcan Science Academy. It is truly remarkable, Spock, that you have achieved so much, despite your disadvantage. All rise!”
Anabelle- “’Cause that was normal to say.”
Spock- “If you would clarify, Minister. To what disadvantage are you referring?”
Jerky Vulcan Scientist- “Your Human mother.”
Spock- “Council, Ministers, I must decline.”
Anabelle- “Slay!”

Spock- “The only emotion I wish to convey is gratitude. Thank you, Ministers, for your consideration.”
*dripping with venom* “Live long and prosper.”
Anabelle- “Whoooo! OK then.”
Rosa- “This Spock is more human than Vulcan.”
Anabelle- “All Spock’s are. He’s the sassiest person in the universe.”
On young Kirk in the bar:
Uhura- “Hi. I'd like a Klavnian fire tea. uhh.
three Budweiser classics, two Cardassian sunrises,
and a...”
Anabelle- *huge amount of wild cheering*
Bartender- “Try the Slusho, it's good.”
Uhura- “The Slusho mix, thank you.”
Kirk- “That's a lot of drinks for one woman.”
Anabelle- “CHRIS PINE!” *huge amount of wild cheering*
*Big bar fight*
Captain Pike- “Outside. All of you. Now!”
Anabelle- “Woo!
Hey, what is poppin’?”

Captain Pike- “I'm done. Riverside Shipyard. The shuttle for new recruits leaves tomorrow oh-eight hundred. You know, your father was Captain of a starship for twelve minutes. He saved eight hundred lives, including your mother's.
And yours.
I dare you to do better.”
Anabelle- “Slay! Captain Pike is an icon.”
*Makes weird hand motions and looks at her hand*
Kirk- *Lifts saltshaker of Kelvin and stares at it in the same way Anabelle just moved*
Anabelle- “That’s what I just did.
It’s almost like I’ve seen this movie before.”
Me- “You saw the other ones and forgot them all.”
Anabelle- “There may be a reason for that.”
On Kirk going to the Riverside Shipyard:
Anabelle- “Ooh the giant skyscrapers… in Iowa.
And they’re building a ship… in Iowa.
That’s where you build ships. I guess.”
On the recruits getting in the shuttle:
McCoy- “I told you people, I don’t need a doctor, I am a doctor.”
Anabelle- *raises hands, extra huge amount of wild cheering*
McCoy- “I may throw up on you.”
Kirk- “I think these things are pretty safe.”
McCoy- “Don't pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull, and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. A solar flare might pop up and cook us in our seats. And wait 'til your sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles. See if you're still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger after darkness and silence.”
Anabelle- “I love him.  I love him so much.”
Kirk- “Well, I hate to break this to you, but Starfleet operates in space.”
McCoy- “Yeah, well, got nowhere else to go. The ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I've got left is my bones.”
Anabelle- “Ha ha, so interesting you should say that.”
Kirk- “Jim Kirk.”
McCoy- “McCoy, Leonard McCoy.”
Anabelle- *whispers* “Besties.”
On the Narada, Nero and his Crew:
Rosa- “Its… that… thing.”
Me- “The Romulan ship.”
Anabelle- “Sshh! We don’t know they’re Romulan yet.”
Me- “They look like them.”
Anabelle- “No they don’t. Sshh.”
On the Kobayashi Maru test:
Me- “Why do Klingons have cloaking devices already?”
Anabelle- “Meeeeh… Kelvin.” *Waves hands mystically*
Kirk- *Eating his apple* “Begin rescue of the stranded crew. So, we've managed to eliminate all enemy ships, no one onboard was injured, and the successful rescue of the Kobayashi Maru crew is underway.”
Anabelle- “I love that part!
*thoughtful pause*
I could say that for this whole movie!”
On Kirk’s hearing:
Spock- “You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk. A Captain cannot cheat death.”
Kirk- “I of all people?”
Spock- “Your father, Lieutenant George Kirk, assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action, did he not?”
Anabelle- “Oh no! Pffffffffff! He went there!”
On ship assignments:
Assigner- “...Regula I, Tracy, USS Farragut... USS Enterprise, McGrath, USS ... Vader, USS Hood. Welcome to Starfleet, Godspeed.”
Anabelle- *recognizing character history lore easter eggs* “The Farragut!!”
Kirk- “He didn't call my name. Commander! Sir, you didn't call my name. Kirk, James T.?”
Assigner- “Kirk, you're on academic suspension. That means you're grounded, until the Academy board rules.”
Anabelle- “Well! That is bonkers.
I mean. It’s not.
But it is bonkers.”

Uhura- “Was I not one of your top students?”
Spock- “Indeed you were.”
Uhura- “And did I not, on multiple occasions, demonstrate exceptional aural sensitivity, and I quote, ‘an unparalleled ability to identify sonic anomalies in subspace transmission tests?’”
Spock- “Consistently, yes.”
Uhura- “And while you were well aware of my own qualified desires to serve on the USS Enterprise, I'm assigned to the Farragut?”
Spock- “It was an attempt to avoid the appearance of favoritism.”
Uhura- “No, I'm assigned to the Enterprise.”
Spock- *fixes settings on his beepy thing* “Yes, I believe you are.”
Anabelle- “He said, ‘Uh… OK!’”
Uhura- “Thank you.”
Anabelle- “I love Uhura.”

*McCoy makes Jim sick*
McCoy- “Medical Code states the treatment and transport of a patient to be determined at the discretion of his attending physician, which is me. So, I'm taking Mister Kirk aboard. Or would you like to explain to Captain Pike why the Enterprise warped into a crisis without one of its senior medical officers?”
Anabelle- “I love Doctor McCoy. Slaytastic!”
On flying up to the Enterprise in a little pod:
Me- “This is just like The Motion Picture.”
Anabelle- “But much faster.
Wow! The Enterprise.” *Chefs kiss*”
Rosa- “It’s all new and shiny.”
*cut to the bridge*
Anabelle- “Wooo! Look how pretty it is!”
Sulu- “Moorings retracted, Captain. Dock control reports ready.
Thrusters, fired. Separating from Spacedock.”
Anabelle- “Yeaaaah! I’m so excited!
Can you tell?”
On the appearance of Vulcan:
Me- “I love how the fancy, digital mountains on Vulcan look like Vasquez Rocks.”
Anabelle- “You don’t know what you’re talking about.
All Star Trek rocks look different because they’re on different planets.”
On checking Kirk’s claim they’re going into a Romulan trap:
Captain Pike- “Scan Vulcan space, check for any transmissions in Romulan.”
Communications- “Sir, I'm not sure I can distinguish the Romulan language from Vulcan.”
Captain Pike- “What about you? Do you speak Romulan, Cadet?”
Uhura- “All three dialects, sir.”
Captain Pike- “Uhura, relieve the lieutenant.”
Anabelle- “GirlBossQueen!
She said, ‘*wah* Flex!’”
On the Narada attack and the plan to stop the drill:
Captain Pike- “Sulu, status report.”
Anabelle- “Bad!”

Captain Pike- “I need officers who have been trained in advanced hand-to-hand combat.”
Sulu- “I have training, sir.”
Anabelle- “I love you Sulu!
I’m cheering them on.”
Captain Pike- “Come with me. Kirk, you too.
You're not supposed to be here anyway. Chekov, you have the conn.”
Chekov- “Aye aye, Keptin.”
Anabelle- “Woo he’s slaying.  I love you Chekov!
Look at his ugly pants!
I love how he collects every single position. 
Does he get little badges for each one?”
Nero- “Prepare the red matter.”
Anabelle- “I’m excited.”
Me- “I know.”
Anabelle- “Are you as excited as me.”
Me- “No one is.”
Anabelle- “I love me some Romulans, did you know that?”

Dock Crew- “Shuttle eight nine, USS Enterprise. You are cleared forward.”
Anabelle- “Flying out the butt of the Enterprise as shuttles do.
Right past the nacelles…
I hate that I know what that is.”
Kirk- “You got the charges, right?”
Oleson- “Oh yeah. I can't wait to kick some Romulan ass. Right?”
Anabelle- “Maybe they should have given the charges to someone not in red.  
They don’t know that yet.”
*They land on the drill… Olson lands IN THE BEAM*
Chekov- “Olson is gone, sir.
…Kork has landed, sir.”
Anabelle- “I love how the three bad Russian accents are all different in Star Trek.”
*Fight scene on the drill*
Anabelle- *Nonstop cheering and yelling*
*Pauses cheering at one point* “This is very well choreographed.”
On Vulcan being destroyed, and Amanda dying:
Spock- “Acting captain's log, Stardate twenty-two fifty-eight point four two. We have had no word from Captain Pike. I have therefore classified him a hostage of the war criminal known as Nero. Nero, who has destroyed my home planet and most of its six billion inhabitants. While the essence of our culture has been saved in the elders who now reside upon the ship, I estimate no more than ten thousand have survived. I am now a member of an endangered species.”
Anabelle- *Silence, the only time she did not say “Dear Diary” *

Uhura- “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
Anabelle- “I like her earrings…
which I don’t need to say because it’s Uhura.”
On Pike’s capture:
Nero- “You will give me the frequencies to disable Earth's defenses. Centaurian slugs. They latch onto your brainstem and release a toxin that will force you to answer.
Frequencies please, sir.”
Anabelle- “A thing! Again!
Could you not with the things.  
Oh, this one so much bigger.”
*They drop it in Pike’s mouth*
Anabelle- “I guess this one was too big for his ears.”
On call backs to the movie we watched the day before:
McCoy- “Dammit man, I'm a doctor, not a physicist.
Are you actually suggesting they're from the future?!”
Spock- “If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”
Anabelle- “Gasp! He said the thing!”
On Kirk being ejected from the Enterprise:
Kirk- “Aggh. Computer, where am I.”
Computer- “Location: Delta Vega. Class-M planet. Unsafe.”
Anabelle- “Class M… What, a surprise.”
Computer- “There is a Starfleet outpost fourteen kilometers to the northwest. Remain in your pod until *static* summoned authorities.”
*Kirk does not remain. A giant beast chases Kirk*
Anabelle- “This is fine.
What is that?”
*A gianter beast eats the first one and chases Kirk*
Me- “Lunch.”
Anabelle- “This is also fine.”
On Spock Prime appearing:
Ooh, he’s got his little fur outfit on.”
Kirk- “How do you know my name?”
Spock Prime- “I have been, and always shall be, your friend.”
Rosa, Anabelle, and Me- “AWWWWWWWWWW!”

Spock Prime- “You are not the Captain?”
Kirk- “No, no. Umm... you're the Captain. Pike was taken hostage.”
Anabelle- “Oop. Did you see him?
The second Kirk said, ‘No you’re the captain,’
Spock was like, ‘Oooh no. That never goes well.’”
On McCoy giving Spock a hard time for how he reacted to the tragedy:
Spock- “I intend to assist in the effort to reestablish communication with Starfleet. However, if crew morale was better served by my roaming the halls weeping, I will gladly defer to your medical expertise. Excuse me.”
Anabelle- “Get roasted!”
McCoy- *under breath* “Green-blooded hobgoblin.”
Anabelle- *Evil hysterical laughter*
On other crewmen found on Delta Vega:
*Keenser walks down the hall*
Anabelle- “YEAH!
*mimics walk*
I’m great at Star Trek impressions.
Especially the communicator.                             
Beep be deep be deep boop boop”
Scotty- “I'm a, uh, what... Are you from the future?”
Kirk- “Yeah. He is, I'm not.”
Scotty- “Well that's brilliant. Do they still have sandwiches there?”
Anabelle- “I love him so much.”

Scotty- “The notion of transwarp beaming is like, trying to hit a bullet with a smaller bullet whilst wearing a blindfold, riding a horse.
What's that?”
Spock Prime- “Your equation for achieving transwarp beaming.”
Anabelle- “Star Trek: making people invent things they’re going to invent:
Two for two!”

Kirk- “You're coming back in time, changing history, it's cheating.”
Spock Prime- “A trick I learned from an old friend.”
Rosa, Anabelle and Me- “Awwww!”
Spock Prime- “Live long and prosper.”
Anabelle- “This movie is so good.”
On Kirk and Scotty beaming into the brewery used as the engine room:
Me- “Why is there water in the engines?”
Anabelle- “Maybe it’s the matter they combine with the anti-matter?”
Me- “Or the cooling system?”
Anabelle- “Could be?”
*Later conversation when she’s watching them again at school*
Anabelle- “These water tunnels are so swanky.”
Me- “Yeah, those water pipes dance on that stupid/ awesome line real well, don’t they?”
Anabelle- “Yes.”
Me- “It’s like, “Whoah those are so cool.”
“Why the hell are they there?”
*something happens*
“Whoah! So cool!”
Anabelle- *laughs*
On Kirk proving Spock is emotionally compromised:
Kirk- “What is it like not to feel anger or heartbreak or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the woman who gave birth to you?”
Spock- “Back away from me...”
Kirk- “You feel nothing!
It must not even compute for you!
You never loved her!”
*Spock beats the hell out of Kirk slamming him down on the helm and choking him*
Anabelle- “Chekov is like, ‘Oh no. My buttons!’
While Uhura’s just, ‘Oh, Lord, here we go.’
Kirk is actually dying.
This is going well.”
Spock- “I am no longer fit for duty. I hereby relinquish my command, based on the fact that I have been emotionally compromised. Please note the time and date in the ship's log.”
Scotty- “I like this ship! You know, it's exciting!”
Anabelle and Me- “I love him!”
On planning the next step in front of the shiny star chart:
Chekov- “Based on the fastest course from Wulcan, I have projected that Nero will travel past Saturn. Like you said, we need to stay inwisible to Nero or he'll destroy us. If Mister Scott can get us to warp factor four, and if we drop out of warp behind one of Saturn's moons, say, Titan, the magnetic distortion from the planet's rings will make us inwisible to Nero's sensors. From there, as long as the drill is not actiwated we can beam aboard the enemy ship.”
Scotty- “Aye, that might work.”
McCoy- “Wait a minute, kid, how old are you?”
Chekov- “Seventeen, sir.”
McCoy- “Oh, oh good, he's seventeen.”
Anabelle- “I love this thing.”
Me- “What the Giant Lucite Map of Gotham City?”
Anabelle- “Yeah, that.”

*Spock returns to back up his boy’s plan*
Spock- “Romulans and Vulcans share a common ancestry. Our cultural similarities will make it easier for me to access the ship's computer to locate the device. Also, my mother was Human, which makes Earth the only home I have left.”
Kirk- “I'm coming with you.”
Spock- “I would cite regulation, but I know you will simply ignore it.”
Kirk- “See, we are getting to know each other.”
*Kirk slaps Spock’s shoulder*
Anabelle- “Yeah! I was waiting for that!
I love when Kirk touches people’s shoulders.”
On the Enterprise rising through the gas of Saturn:
Anabelle- “It’s creeping up on them.”
On several random moments:
Anabelle- “WOOOOO! I love this movie!”
Me- “I hadn’t noticed.”
On Kirk sending Spock off in Spock Prime’s ship, which recognizes him:
Anabelle- “I love Spock’s hair. How bouncy it is.”
Spock- “Jim, the statistical likelihood that our plan will succeed is less than four point three percent.”
Kirk- “It'll work.”
Spock- “In the event that I do not return, please tell Lieutenant Uhura...”
Kirk- “Spock, it'll work.”
*The chair spins*
Spock- “Fascinating.”
Anabelle- “Ooh! His little smile.
The little Spock smile.
*does a half grin*
That was my impression.
I know, my communicator one is better.”
On Kirk fighting through the Narada:
Kirk- “Nero, order your men to disable the drill or I will— “
*Surprise attack on Kirk by Ayel* 
Rosa- *screams*
Anabelle- *Yells and jumps because Rosa screamed*
“Stop that!”
Rosa- “Kirk didn’t see him?”
Anabelle- “He’s Captain Kirk.
He’s stupid.
But I love him.
I like that they say these are rogue Romulans.
Because regular ones would never be this extreme.  
But I love them anyway”
*Kirk falls down a long way to a bridge*
Rosa- “How did that not break every one of his organs?”
Anabelle- “He’s Captain Kirk. He has strong organs.”
*Ayel has Kirk by the throat*
Ayel- “You can't even speak. What?”
Kirk- “I got your gun.”
*Shoots Ayel*
Anabelle- “Slay! Literally.”
Rosa- *Laughs evilly*
On the red matter breaking free on the Narada:
Rosa- “What is the red matter?”
Anabelle- “It’s…stuff”
Rosa- “Isn’t that going to destroy everything?”
Anabelle- “It’s fine.”
On the final face off with Nero:
Kirk- “This is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. Your ship is compromised. You’re too close to the singularity to survive without our assistance, which we will provide.”
Anabelle- “Yeaaaah!!!!”
Spock- “Captain, what are you doing?”
Kirk- “Showing them compassion may be the only way to earn peace with Romulus. It's logic, Spock. Thought you'd like that.”
Spock- “No, not really. Not this time.”
Anabelle- “I love them.”
On the Enterprise getting away from the explosion and black hole:
Kirk- “Go to maximum warp. Push it!”
Scotty- “I'm giving her all that she's got, Captain!”
Anabelle- “My favorite Star Trek line ever!”
Kirk- “All she's got isn't good enough. What else you got?”
Scotty- “Okay. If we eject the core and detonate, the blast could be enough to push us away! I cannae promise anything, though!”
Kirk- “Do it, do it, do it!”
*Explosions everywhere*
*Warp core is launched*
Anabelle- “Warp core says bye bye. Weee!”
*Enterprise is still being sucked in*
Anabelle- “This is fine.”
Anabelle- “That poor Yeoman did not sign up for this.”
On Spock meeting Spock Prime:
Rosa- “I’d be peeing myself acting with him.”
Anabelle- “Yeah. I think he is. Look at his face.”
On Kirk’s promotion:
Admiral- “This assembly calls Captain James Tiberius Kirk. Your inspirational valor and supreme dedication to your comrades is in keeping with the highest traditions of service, and to reflect utmost credit to yourself, your crew, and the Federation, it is my honor to award you with this commendation. By Starfleet Order two-eight four five five, you are hereby directed to report to Admiral Pike, USS Enterprise, for duty as his relief.”
Anabelle- *Constant cheers, extra for “captain” “Tiberius” and “Enterprise” *
Kirk- “I relieve you, sir.”
Admiral Pike- “I am relieved.”
Me- “Pike is wearing the Admiral uniform Kirk wore in the first movie.”
Anabelle- “We don’t need to mention the first movie.
Kirk- “Thank you, sir.”
Admiral Pike- “Congratulations, Captain. Your father would be proud.”
Spock Prime- *softly* “Thrusters on full.”
Rosa, Anabelle and Me- “Awwwwwww.”
Me- “Here’s the keys, kids. Have a great run.”
On Kirk entering the bridge as Captain:
Uhura- “Dock control reports ready, *Looks to Kirk at door* Captain.”
Anabelle- *HUGE CHEER… For literally every member of the bridge crew*
Kirk- “Bones, *Claps shoulder* buckle up.”
Anabelle- “No, I’ll just stand on the bridge…
Like a king.”
On the ending:
Spock Prime- “Space, the final frontier.”
Anabelle- “Shhhhh.” *Listens intently*
These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Her ongoing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new lifeforms and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.”
*Original Series Theme plays*
Anabelle- *Sings operatic part while dancing around the room*
Credits- “Casting Directors: April Webster & Alyssa Weisberg”
Anabelle- “Slay! You knocked it out of the park.”
*Credits continue*
Anabelle- “I love this movie. Did you know that?”
Me- “You mentioned it every five minutes.”
Anabelle- “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
On later conversations while she was in school:
Anabelle- “I think I could watch this movie every day and never get tired of it to be honest.”
Me- “I have many movies like that. This is one of them.”
Anabelle- “Me too, but this one is like times one hundred.
Probably because it is instrumental to my very foundation as a human being.”
Me- “Because it is your Star Wars. That’s how I feel when I see the Original.
Get it now?”
Anabelle- “Hmmm. I think so.”
Me- “Cool.
You’re lucky, no one’s going to fiddle with yours.”
Anabelle- *Devilish Smile*
Me- “Wait…I have a question.
It relates to the fact that you hate time travel in Star Trek.
Can you guess what it is?”
Anabelle- “umm…
Is it about Ambassador Spock?
Because that’s different. If it’s not, then no.”
Me- “Yes. It’s about how your favorite movie is about Star Trek time travel.”
Anabelle- “It’s not the same time travel at ALL.” *grouchy face*
“It’s not like, ‘Oh let’s whip the Enterprise around the sun and beam up some whales.’
None of that foolishness.
The black hole is an acceptable form of time travel, and it’s also a different universe,
So, it’s better.”
Me- “OK.”
Anabelle- “I think that’s a valid stance.”
Me- “Fair Enough.”


Anabelle said...

have i mentioned i love this movie

Anabelle said...

i bet aurora wishes this movie was never made bc of the amount of times i quote scotty at her on mission space

...she can stay mad its still the best like in star trek ever

Jeff McGinley said...

I believe you may have mentioned it...

I think everything we all say on Mission Space should safely remain there and never leave.
thanx again for making these possible.