Disney’s Star Wars!?

Look out Star Wars fans!

Now that Disney owns Lucasfilm there will be changes to the beloved franchise that will make Greedo Shooting First seem like the most brilliant and bold choice in cinematic history.

Behold the Top Ten unfortunate surprises coming from Disney’s Star Wars: Episode Seven through Nine

The Not Before Christmas

Since everyone else seems to have written their own versions of this Clement Moore classic…

Not to be confused with the Clayton Moore classic, “Hi-Yo Silver, Awaaaaaaaaaaay!”

I figured I’d have a go.

Although now and days, I think it’s the grown-ups who really need Santa.

Return to the King

No, not that one again.

This one.

Part of the youthful education in all things macabre provided by my mother was an introduction to Steven King.  She may be the only one who complained more and louder than the author himself about the 1980 film of The Shining.

Engineering Horoscopes

Back on our college radio show, one semester we did horoscopes each week.

Drawing upon that experience, here are astrological horoscopes for engineers:

Lord of the Rings Through a Kid's Eyes: Part 3

RETURN OF THE KING

With a two week break instead of the one week between parts one and two; my daughter started off resistant as ever to watch the finale.  Then, of course, she zombified to focus on almost the entire four hour film. The one odd exception was she ignored much of the first half of the Battle of Minas Tirith.  Too much going on all at once I guess.

The gap apparently made her forget about some minor details:

Why are the trees groaning?

Who’s the King that’s returning?

How old are the Elves?

What’s that big eye thing?

Since she replied to each answer with, “Oh yeah.”

I’m betting it was due more to her third mode of watching the film than actual forgetfulness.

You see, my daughter basically had three modes of viewing during the last movie.

Lord of the Rings Through a Kid's Eyes: Part 2

Click here to go back to the Fellowship of the Ring

THE TWO TOWERS

Once again, it was very interesting seeing her reactions to elements of the story that can be easily taken for granted after multiple viewings and readings.

My fatherly concern started immediately, because as soon as the opening title passed, my daughter inquired, “Where’s Legolas?”

Lord of the Rings Through a Kid's Eyes: Part 1

I’ve already confessed to preferring the Peter Jackson helmed Lord of the Rings films to the books, making me a heathen, but extremely thrilled to receive the Extended Edition Blu-Rays for my birthday last year. 

However, due to:

A) My daughter being scared by Gollum when she previously saw parts of the movies because she was much younger.

B) My daughter being resistant to watching ANY franchise that Daddy says she’ll like, even though he’s been right EVERY STINKIN’ TIME. (e.g. – Star Trek, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Happy Days, Pirates of the Caribbean, Marvel Movies, Men in Black, Ghostbusters, Superman, and who knows how many others.)

Because she wants to drive me crazy.

I was therefore reduced to clutching the shiny golden box for about seven months muttering, “My precious,” until finally convincing her to watch them. 

I did turn up the pressure a bit as the release date of The Hobbit approached; knowing if she discovered she liked them after missing the new one in the theater, there would be more crankiness in my home than I care to deal with.

Since they are the extended editions, I expected to watch no more than a half a film at a time, possibly breaking it up over many multiple viewings like a miniseries.

She ended up enjoying them to such a level that we watched each film all the way through over a series of Sunday afternoon/evenings with only enforced intermissions in the middle to do stuff around the house and prepare for work and school the next day.

Wait, you mean I was right again?

Here, let me show you my shocked face.