Thursday, September 1, 2022

House of Dracula Through a "Kid's" Eyes

The final story of the "Big Three" Monster Mash up films.
Lon Chaney gets top billing. YAY!

On Dracula's unexplained return:
Rosa- "Of course, everyone leaves their door unlocked."
Me- "He uses 'Latos' again, before admitting he's Dracula. 
(and explaining how vampires work for anyone new to the series,
but giving no indication of how he survived turning into a skeleton in the sunlight last time.)
I really think he's an impostor. 
I'm also not sure he's a regular vampire. 
Maybe he just reforms when the sun goes down again?"
Rosa- "whatever."

On the reveal that Nina the nurse is a hunchback:
Rosa- *honest gasp of surprise*

On the revelation that vampirism comes from a blood parasite:
Me- "Dracula was the first of this run of Universal films, and probably the most well known, but it's also, BY FAR, the least coherent story."
On Lawrence Talbot's arrival:
Rosa- "Oh him too? He wants a cure?"

On the procedure to cure "Dracula's" vampirism by injecting pure form parasites by transfusing Doctor Edelmann's blood:
Rosa and Me- *Pause movie- Long discussion to figure out what pure form parasites mean, how they could be pure if they're coming from Edlemann's blood, and how that would work exactly...
we do not succeed.*
On the arrival of Inspector Holtz:
Me- "Lionel is back for the finale. Hooray!"
On the location of this clinic: 
Me- "So we've settled that the last film finished in Visaria, not Frankenstein."
On the moon rise while Larry is in the prison cell:
Rosa- "Uh oh!"
*Doctor Edelmann says there's no such thing as werewolves*
Rosa- "Really! *deep gravelly voice* Now look at me."

On reviewing Larry's blood:
Rosa- "See if his blood has parasites."

On Doctor Edelmann wanting to operate on Larry:
Rosa- "Operate on what?"
Edelmann- "Come here my boy."
Rosa- "I'm going to turn you into Dracula."
On the Nurses collecting Mold:
Rosa- "Why?"
Me- "It softens calcium"
Rosa- "To do what?"
Me- "Reshape his cranium."
Rosa- "Why?"
Me- "It will take the pressure off his brain that makes him a werewolf."
Rosa- *flatly* "uh huh."

On Larry trying to commit suicide on the night of the full moon by jumping off a cliff into the ocean:
*The drop is only about ten feet*
Rosa- "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

On Doctor Edlemann rappelling over the cliff to find Larry:
Rosa- "It's still a full moon.
He's going to kill him, Okay?
Why would you go when he's a wolf?"
*The Wolf Man attacks*
Rosa- "AAAH!!  There, you see!" 

On the Doctor and Larry stumbling on the Frankenstein Monster still clutching the skeleton of Doctor Neimann:
Rosa- "Really!" *huffs*
*They explain the last movie (that came out only a year before) was years ago
and that they must have been washed into the ocean cave by "the current" after sinking in quicksand*
Me- "huff as well"

On Doctor Edelmann trying to understand the Monster, while curing Dracula and Larry:
Rosa- "He should focus on one thing. 
This is not a time for multi tasking."
On Nurse Melizia alternating between focusing on "Dracula" and Larry:
Rosa- "She’s flirting with everybody."
On Doctor Edlemann realizing the problem with having "Dracula" in the basement:
Edelmann- "In trying to save him I’ve endangered all of you."
Rosa- "Yes.  Really."

On Edelmann giving "Dracula" another transfusion treatment:
Rosa- "He's going to die with no blood. Look he's deflating."
On "Dracula" reversing the flow of the transfusion:
Rosa- "He’s going to be a Dracula."
Me- "Dracula is the proper name. He's going to be a Vampire."
Rosa- *rolls eyes* 
He’s going to bite her."

On "Dracula" turning into a bat and going after Melizia:
Rosa- "Shoot him!"
Me- "With what? He’s a vampire."
Rosa- "Something."
On "Dracula" going to hide in his coffin at daybreak:
Rosa- "Now he can put the thing in there."
Me- "What thing?"
Rosa- "The sharp...
Oh never mind. He’s going to move him so it burns."
*the sun shines and "Dracula" is reduced to a skeleton for the second time...third if he's supposed to be Alucard*
Rosa- "That was too easy."
Me- "It's a very short movie."
Rosa- "He [Edelman] has the vampire in him now."
On Melizia cozying up to Larry:
Rosa- "You see? Now she’s flirting with the werewolf.
She’s going to end up with Frankenstein."
On Edelmann starting to change:
Rosa- "Uh oh. He wants blood. The cats going to go hissssss"
*it does*
Rosa- "You see? 
Look in the mirror to see if you can see yourself."
*He does, and is starting to look monstrous*
Rosa- "Ew he’s transforming. 
Why, he only had a little vampire in him?"
Me- "Sometimes, that's all you need."
Rosa- "And disappearing.
The other vampire didn’t look disgusting."
On the weird flash forward Edelmann montage of curing people and waking up the Frankenstein Monster:
Rosa- "What’s happening?"
Me- "The good and evil sides of his personality are fighting...
Almost like 
*dramatic pause* 
Jekyl and Hyde. bum bum BUUM!"
Rosa- "Yeah.   
He’s crazy."
On Nina coming to the lab with a tea tray where the Hyde like Edelmann is:
Rosa- "She’s going to drop all that. Like this  'Aaah!!'" *crashing noise*
Me- "Dang, there's really nice shadow work in this one."
*Edelmann exits the lab looking normal*
Nina- "You're ill."
Rosa- "No, just a vampire."
Me- "I think this is where they got Doctor Malavaqua being crazy only in his lab."
On Larry after his procedure:
Rosa- "Why is he in a wheelchair?"
Me- "They just reshaped his skull."
Rosa- "Yeah but not his feet."

On Melizia's continued flirting:
Rosa- "Oh! Now it's Larry...not Mr. Talbot anymore."

On Doctor Edelmann in full on Hyde mode attacking Ziegfried in his cart:
Rosa- "He's going to bite him!"
*Edelmann starts to throttle Zeigfried*
Rosa- "Or kill him for fun."

On the final confrontation:
Me- "Larry is cured, and mercy shoots the bad guy with a similar curse to what he had, then leaves with the girl. Plus Lionel Atwill is finally killed by the Frankenstein Monster.
I'd call that a complete ending."

On the Frankenstein Monster waking up in the final scenes, only to be engulfed in flames.
Rosa- *deep, vaguely Jewish voice* "Again?  For this you wake me up."
Rosa- *normal* "Aww. The girl died."
On the culmination of at least eight movies:
Rosa- "That’s it? They don’t explain anything."
Me- "Larry’s cured, he's with the girl.
Everyone else is dead. What's to explain?"
Rosa- "No, they always come back."
Me- "Not this time, it's the last one."
Rosa- "Poor Nina."


Dina Roberts said...

I'm intrigued by the creative science ideas...

I actually started Googling mold softening calcium.

It took me some time to get used to them, but I ended up reading and liking all (or most) of the posts in this least the more recent ones.

Yesterday Tim and I were watching The Extraordinary Attorney Woo. One or both of us said something clever, and I started to wish I had a series like you have for you and Rosa.

That being said...until I get that feeling a lot about our TV watching conversations, I will refrain from copying you.

Anyway...hope you will end up doing more posts like these. I should probably also seek out some of the older ones.

Jeff McGinley said...

Thanx for reading. I never considered there was any real science in these old films, did you find anything?

Glad you enjoyed them. Its amazing how resistant kids are to watching Black and White. I guess it's because we grew up with a substantial amount of old shows and films on TV in that format. I was glad Rosa discovered the fun of these old films. They do have a lot to offer.

Since I pretty much stole this idea from Mystery Science Theater (and people who can spell well enough to live tweet) I don't think you'd be stealing anything.